So, so very lonely.

[Symphony.]

Hi guys.
So, I'm facing a ton of extreme loneliness and have been for quite a while, at least a year...
Each school year, I'm losing more and more friends. And it's not so much that we have a falling out, it's just that they find other people and other groups to hang out with and they leave. And that'd be fine, except... I never found my own group. Everyone's finding out who they belong with- the theater kids, the chorus kids, the athletic kids. And I find absolutely no one. I've done many school activities in the past and plan on doing many more this year. I'm always in band, no one seems to like me there. I've done clubs and never made any lasting friendships there. In chorus, no one really liked me. I've only truly got two people left and I don't even count them, because one doesn't consider me as much of a friend as I considered her and the other has been turning into a jerk these past few months and won't change despite seeing me get hurt. I only stick around cuz they're the closest to friends that I have. Do I have people I'm friendly with? Sure, but no one I can consider a "friend."
It really bums me out and adds to all the stress and how down I've been feeling. Throughout my life I've never fit in anywhere, never really had lasting groups of friends... And I'm convinced everyone hates me. All this adds to my crippling my low self esteem. I'm really, really hurt and lonely... No matter what I've done I've never made a good friend really. My parents can't afford to send me to lessons for something outside of school, and my rec center doesn't offer any interesting opportunities. And like I said, nothing through school has ever given me a lasting friendship. I do try to be nice to people and like I've said I'm friendly with a ton of people, but it never goes beyond that- a person I'm just nice to.
My parents never really let me have people over, and there's no where in walking distance from my house that I could offer to meet people from school at. And I hate asking my grandmother (who is at the house more often than my working parents) to drive me places, because she's a little old lady who frankly, isn't exactly a good driver anyway.
I'm just so lost... Any ideas...?

Hi, Sarah, I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. You aren't the only one who have a problem keeping friends and you aren't the only ones who have "friends" that you just say hi to, it's been like that for me for a long time. Too long that I don't even want to think about it.

You're probably a freshman in high school now, and you should really focus more on your grades. I understand wanting friends to hang out with and chat with, believe me. But there's also schoolwork and other responsibilities. In a few years, you'll be able to drive and go places on your own, places where you can meet people and make new friends.

I'm always here if you ever want to talk. I know online friendships don't even come close to real life friendships (like, we can't go to Starbucks or the mall obviously) but it's just as good, if not different. And believe me, my online friends are a hell lot better than the ones in real life.

[Symphony.]

Thanks for your response. It's just, I wish I had someone to chit chat with in down time during the school day, or at lunch...even if we don't necessarily hang out a lot. I just want a friend so that even if we don't get to talk (because of classwork during the day) I don't feel isolated...

[tryinghardx]

Hey there.
Don't worry. High school is unpredictable in so many ways, you'll be surprised. Don't worry and don't question yourself.
Eventually you will find people who will love it when you're there. I used to feel that way and suddenly, it changed. Don't bother too much.
Meanwhile, focus on making acquaintances, people who you can chit chat with so you don't feel lonely at school. Don't ever chase after anyone too much.
While you're at home, try to find other things to occupy yourself so that you don't think about this and hurt your own feelings in the process.
Something good is around the corner, Im sure

[JenniLou]

Originally Posted by Symphony.

Thanks for your response. It's just, I wish I had someone to chit chat with in down time during the school day, or at lunch...even if we don't necessarily hang out a lot. I just want a friend so that even if we don't get to talk (because of classwork during the day) I don't feel isolated...

I'm in just about the same boat as you are. I especially was last year fall. I was new to my orchestra and everyone else had joined a year before me, so they were all best buds and I knew absolutely no one.
So I sought out the other quiet kids, the ones who looked about as lonely and lost as I felt. We didn't talk much, but at the end of the semester I had one person who I could talk to and at least hang around with in the cafeteria, both supporting each other. That's one option you can try.
Another is sometimes the really outgoing and friendly people will take you under their wing. The next semester for me, one of the "popular" kids (not the most, but up there) and I sat by each other at the table, and she and her friend were talking. She told her friend she was taking algebra 2, and I commented "so am I"! I asked her more about herself and we had a lot in common. Now we're friends.

Wow, that was a mouthful. I hope some of my experiences can help you make some decisions!