Feeling depressed and lonely, any help appreciated.

[Catharsis.]

Well, the title says it all really. I've felt like this for a long time now. I've struggled with depression since I started secondary school (for the record, where I live, your first year of secondary school is usually the year you turn 13). I had some problems fitting in at secondary and I was bullied for most of my first three years. I'm in my fourth year now, and I'm not being bullied anymore, thank God, but I don't have many friends. Even the friends I do have probably wouldn't consider me as one of their best friends, so I have no-one I can talk to when I feel down.

If anyone can help me or give me any advice that would be great. I don't want to feel like this anymore, and I'm sure there must be a way out.

[CorrieUSMC]

Hey Gareth

First off, I'm really sorry you have gone through that. I think the best course of action right now is to try to find a hobby. Something to take your mind off of things and to find a new source of friends.

Do you like music? Play a instrument? Are you a football player? Cricket? find any sport that you can get involved in and go for it. All my friends I have obtained has been through some sort of hobby I've been doing. I have my friends whom I hunt with, those who I play video games with. The friends I hang out with to play music or listen to music.

Hope this helps! If you want you can talk to me anytime you want!

-Corrie

[Catharsis.]

Originally Posted by CorrieUSMC

Hey Gareth

First off, I'm really sorry you have gone through that. I think the best course of action right now is to try to find a hobby. Something to take your mind off of things and to find a new source of friends.

Do you like music? Play a instrument? Are you a football player? Cricket? find any sport that you can get involved in and go for it. All my friends I have obtained has been through some sort of hobby I've been doing. I have my friends whom I hunt with, those who I play video games with. The friends I hang out with to play music or listen to music.

Hope this helps! If you want you can talk to me anytime you want!

-Corrie

Hey Corrie,

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it.

Thanks for the suggestion also. I'll think about something I might want to do for a hobby. I'm bored most of the time anyway, so I kind of need something to do. :P

Again, I really appreciate the response. Thanks for helping me.

Gareth

[Validity]

Hey there again, Gareth, sorry to see you struggling, I know how you feel honestly.

I find the best way to get through depression and loneliness is to read, but that's for me, when I read, I imagine the character is me, and then I can be in this unreal realm full of surprises and a good ending.

Also, I agree with the hobby's that Corrie suggested. I myself play touch football, basketball, softball, T-Ball, soccer etc etc. I also write my own books.

The friends I obtained through bullying and rumours, I acheived by showing that those jerks didn't know what they were talking about. Show people you're an awesome person, show a fun side people never knew. Everybody loves the class clown, but know where to stop. Use your strengths for your benefit

I'm glad you reached out here,

Jay.

[Catharsis.]

Originally Posted by Hope To Cope

Hey there again, Gareth, sorry to see you struggling, I know how you feel honestly.

I find the best way to get through depression and loneliness is to read, but that's for me, when I read, I imagine the character is me, and then I can be in this unreal realm full of surprises and a good ending.

Also, I agree with the hobby's that Corrie suggested. I myself play touch football, basketball, softball, T-Ball, soccer etc etc. I also write my own books.

The friends I obtained through bullying and rumours, I acheived by showing that those jerks didn't know what they were talking about. Show people you're an awesome person, show a fun side people never knew. Everybody loves the class clown, but know where to stop. Use your strengths for your benefit

I'm glad you reached out here,

Jay.

Hi Jay,

Thanks for the reply. You've been very welcoming towards me since I joined the site, and I really appreciate it.

I think the last part about overcoming bullying/rumours is so true. When I was bullied in the past, it was quite often based on untrue perceptions of what kind of a person I was, and the bullies persisted because they knew it bothered me, that I cared about what people thought of me, whether the rumours were true or not.

Thanks again for helping me out.

Gareth

[Catharsis.]

Sorry for the double post and for bumping my own thread, but I had a bit of a setback today. It's kind of hard to explain, but I had the most intense feelings of loneliness and isolation I've had in a long time. I'm still not entirely sure what triggered them, but I'll try my best to explain.

It's hard feeling lonely at this time of year especially. I was in the shopping centre earlier and I saw everyone around me looking happy, and the Christmas lights were on and the Christmas music was on and all that...it was just too much for me. I almost started crying because, even though I should be looking forward to Christmas and appreciate the fact that my family should be there with me, I still feel lonely. There's just something missing; everyone else has it but I don't know what it is or how to get it. I kind of feel guilty for feeling this way as well because I know there are people in far worse situations than me and it's really self-centred to be thinking this way. I should appreciate what I do have, but I just don't know...

I'm sorry if the message of my post is unclear, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure what it is myself, I'm just a bit stressed out as I write this. If you need me to explain anything further, just ask.

[Validity]

Hey there,

Holidays are hard, I agree. But, to figure out how you can stop feeling this way, you need to scrounge deep and find what triggered you.
Every problem has a basis which needs to be found in order to find a solution.

For christmas, I only have my mum and my guinea pig to keep me company and usually I stay in my bedroom for all of christmas. I'm sort of jealous of my friends whom are going to their relatives places for christmas dinner, hell, i have only seen my gran this year because of my damn illness... Seeing my family at christmas/new years is impossible to do, but often I wish they could come down, surprise me. That's why I'm lonely, now find yours.

You're sixteen, are you lonely because you don't have a relationship? Or you have a relationship and cannot see her? Do you come from a broken home and seeing others milling around with complete families, laughing and happy hurt you? You need to look at your back ground and see how come you feel this way.

Sorry that I could not have been of more help,

Jay.

[Catharsis.]

Originally Posted by Hope To Cope

Hey there,

Holidays are hard, I agree. But, to figure out how you can stop feeling this way, you need to scrounge deep and find what triggered you.
Every problem has a basis which needs to be found in order to find a solution.

For christmas, I only have my mum and my guinea pig to keep me company and usually I stay in my bedroom for all of christmas. I'm sort of jealous of my friends whom are going to their relatives places for christmas dinner, hell, i have only seen my gran this year because of my damn illness... Seeing my family at christmas/new years is impossible to do, but often I wish they could come down, surprise me. That's why I'm lonely, now find yours.

You're sixteen, are you lonely because you don't have a relationship? Or you have a relationship and cannot see her? Do you come from a broken home and seeing others milling around with complete families, laughing and happy hurt you? You need to look at your back ground and see how come you feel this way.

Sorry that I could not have been of more help,

Jay.

I went and thought this over for a while, and I came up with some possibilities.

I'm not currently in a relationship, nor have I ever been in one. It does bother me sometimes, but I don't think it's the root of the problem.

I think what really triggers it for me is that I have never really experienced true friendship. I said in the first post that I didn't have many friends, so I'll elaborate on that. I've never had anyone who I was very close to. I was often left out by others when I was in primary school, hell, I even remember that when I was in playschool, the other kids wouldn't play with me because they thought I was strange (I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's true). No-one ever really wanted to have anything to do with me. The only friends I did make in primary were through my parents knowing their parents or something like that, and these friendships just never took off.

Everyone else around me has real friends who they've been friends with for a long time. They all have at least one close friend who they can trust with anything and who they can rely on to help them get through the hard times. I've never had anyone who I could really connect with. I've only really felt lonely in the last few months, the day it kind of dawned on me was my 16th birthday, I was alone for that as well and I realised how much of a sadcase I was for not having any friends I could celebrate my 16th with. I think being left out for most of primary school has hurt me, I was mocked and teased quite often as well and that set me up for being seriously bullied in secondary. That's over for the most part now, so I guess I have to move on and stop talking about it.

Sorry for the post being so long, but I just had to get all of that out.

[Validity]

That wasn't long, trust me, haha, it seems longer when writing it out.

Bullying isn't fun and nobody should have to go through it.

I had the same problem. I was bullied every year of my life until I hit my popular status in year 4, that went on for 3 years and then my status was pulled out from beneath me, my friends and I lost contact and I developed depression and self harm.
What's stopping you from making friends though? I'll answer that, nothing is. You just need to be friendly to everybody (but not a pushover) and show that friendly side where you deserve to have friends crowding around you.

Or, you're sixteen, throw a raging party when the parents aren't there. Who doesn't love a guy who knows how to party?

But, if you're not into that idea. join clubs, usually through things in common friendships can be born

Goodluck,

Jay.

[Catharsis.]

Hi Jay,

I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I've been there before and I know it's not a nice place to be.

Thanks for the suggestions! I think joining some sort of a club is a good idea, so I'll look into it. What held me back over the last few years was that I was scared to go out and join clubs and make friends because I was being bullied at the time. I had to avoid doing certain things and going certain places because people from my school would be there, and I'd be worrying about what they'd think of me doing the same kind of stuff as them because they thought I was a loser. I've realised now how stupid that was but I can't change it now.

I always try my best to be friendly towards everyone (and I'm sure I haven 't been a pushover either) and have always done so, but most people I've encountered just haven't returned the favour for whatever reason. :/

Anyway, thanks for the reply. You've been a huge help!

Gareth

[Validity]

Hey Gareth,

no it isn't. In year two I-well, not going to go into it. We can share stories through PM if you want to get some insight on how to deal with different situations.

You won't regret it mate, have fun with it, nobody can stop you from feeling happy but yourself. Look at one of my quotes, you can CHOOSE to be HAPPY!

A lot of kids can be pricks and don't understand the concept of respect nor friendliness, keep at it and they may see that nice guys don't finish last but finish with a tonne of friends later on in life and they'd be the ones lying in a gutter, drunk off their ass at 2 in the morning.

No worries, I enjoy helping the newcomers

Jay.

[Catharsis.]

Sorry if I triggered anything when I mentioned bullying. That's the first time I've ever really told anyone about what I went through. It actually felt good letting out.

Thanks for the encouragement anyway. I really needed some.

Gareth

[Validity]

No, I sometimes need a memory jog... Although somethings I would rather keep hidden in the fog of my memory.

As I said before, it was my please, there is no need to thank me.

Jay.