Lonely

[entangledmind]

I feel really lonely right now... Many of my friends ignore me when they find out something is wrong. Currently I only have two true friends and one of them is my boyfriend. However I am reluctant to share my problems because one of them deals with a lot of the same problems I have and worries about me to a fault when I tell him my problems. I don't want him worrying too much about me. (He has anxiety and stuff and I don't want to be a trigger for him)
And it's similar with my boyfriend. However with him I'm also reluctant to tell him because I have restriction about seeing/talking/communicating with him and I don't want to leave him off in a conversation where I'm broken. I've done that a couple of times leaving him worried about me all week. So now I barely share anything with him.
But these are my only two friends who've I've ever been able to trust. I have no physical person to open up to beside them. What should I do?

[escape_thereal_world]

Have you considered counseling? It is so hard not having anyone physically to speak with, however I found that counseling really help and my school had a licensed professional come to the school and we would get called out of study hall or home room to speak with her for free. I was able to talk to her about self harm without her alerting my parents, unless I was doing it a lot or more than usual or had a plan for suicide.

Also, I can understand not wanting to trigger your friend and not wanting to leave your boyfriend hanging on an important issue. However, one thing I do if I have a conversation that might be cut short is that I say, "Look, I need to talk but first I need you to know that I'm going to be okay, even though I don't really feel like it at the moment." Then continue to explain what is wrong.

Granted, if you are having suicidal thoughts, then this may not be true for you. But do let him know at least, "I feel pretty bad, but would rather spend this time talking to you about something else. But keep me in mind?" That way he knows something is up, and will keep you in his thoughts Might help you to think about that as well!

Also, any organizations, volunteer opportunities, or school groups or activities are options. I wish I had done more when I was in school! Provides more people to meet and talk to, and gives you things to do to find hobbies ,looks good for college and on resumes, and keeps you great distractions!