Lonely and let down.

[SouthernBelle.]

This is basically just a huge, long rant.

Today started off pretty horrible. I was grouchy toward my family, which made me sad. I got to school, and I thought my friend's friend didn't like me. I got through first block pretty fine, then got to second block and it wasn't too overwhelmingly bad. I got along pretty well with everyone.

My favorite class was cut short for "club day", in which we're forcibly stuffed into one club or another for an hour. (Not to mention, I messed up on my test in said favorite class, and left out one of the most important parts). Anyway, I got to the art room and the dude I like (who I found out yesterday likes someone else) was flirting with aforementioned someone else: A girl who I know to be a liar, and who insulted my state and the people in it -- basically my home, myself, my family, and all my friends. I dislike her immensely.

I'm trying not to let it get to me to much. I didn't really even like the guy that much. It's just... All my friends have boyfriends, and yet again, I'm the odd one out. I'm always the odd one out. I'm intelligent, pretty enough, and my friend Ashley says I'm the most caring person she knows. Yet, no one ever seems to like me, except for guys that aren't my type, or perverts who like anyone and anything. I don't know what it is! It's not like I'm stuck up or anything, to anyone. It's not like I'm a troublemaker or slut or that I'm not hygienic or anything.

Sometimes I just wanna sink down beside a wall and start crying, because I'm so confused. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm not changing who I am, because if I have to be a prissy airhead in order to have a boyfriend, I'd rather not have one. But no one I like ever likes me, and I just feel lonely and let down and I'm so glad I'm going to my grandma's, or I'd be more depressed than I am.

[Solivagant]

Hey Ana

I can definitely relate what you mean about the boyfriend thing. I feel the same way. It is not fun to see all your friends paired up and talking about how their partner is so nice and blah blah blah. But it doesn't in anyway mean that we are doing anything wrong. It is just that we haven't met a person that we really get along with. And most people just jump in and out of relationships which is, trust me, no better than our condition. It just leads to more heart break and confusion.

Honestly, from what I know about you, you are a very lovely person and I can assure you that there must be someone as lovely as you out there waiting for you. And he'd like you for who you are. You are right in not changing yourself for anyone.

I hope that your days have been better and that you are enjoying at your grandma's.

Take care
xx