Triggering (SH): BPD

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hi, I own an account on here, but I'm going to look stupid asking this so I made a guest account lol.
Basically, I've been researching different disorders and stuff, but like...it's shocking how much I relate to the symptoms of BPD, or at least for me it is... I'm 14, and so it probably sounds stupid cuz like, doctors really don't diagnose younger teens with personality disorders.
Another thing that kinda invalidates this theory is that I'm not sure if I've really felt consistent romantic love; I've had short bursts with my partner, but most of the time I can't tell what I feel about her. But then, I obsess over her a LOT (almost to an unhealthy amount...and then am kind of numb when I'm with them), and this goes for a lot of my ex-partners.
I really fit with a lot of the other things though;

I disassociate a LOT (at least, I think I do. Only one out-of-body, and I don't even know if it was that, but mostly not being able to move or control my body)

I don't have a clear image of myself, and so I've changed my name, identity, gender, sexuality too many times to count. That might be normal though for teenagers, but I feel like I do it a lot...I don't know, I'm looking too much into it.

Also, I SH for no specific reason other than an urge. I have no explanation for this urge, it just...happens when I feel any sort of emotion whether that be happiness or anger, etc. I know that sounds edgy, but I don't know how to explain. Maybe that's normal? I don't know. It's sickening not being able to explain why I do it/

I'd list all of the things, but I don't want to be annoying. I know it's a stupid question, but it would really explain a lot. I feel like it's not just depression/anxiety, because
(1.) I really don't have much to be depressed about
(2.) I seem to relate much more to, like I said, BPD
(3.) I'm really not sad most of the time, just...explosive. like, I can't control the severity of my emotions

Should I bring this up with my therapist? I brought it up with the nurse at the hospital one time, but she told me to ask my doctor. I was too scared to, though. If I bring this up with my therapist, how should I do it?

Sorry to ramble. thanks if youve read this far.[/size][/color][/font]

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

This question doesn't sound stupid!

Sometimes BPD is diagnosed in younger teens, but you're right that for the most part it isn't diagnosed until the late teens or adulthood.

I of course can't diagnose you with BPD and I don't think self-diagnosis would necessarily be helpful, but there are definitely some signs that you meet. The Australian BPD Foundation Limited describes the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria of BPD here.

You don't need to have had a romantic partner to be diagnosed with BPD. I'm diagnosed, and although I have problems with my own diagnosis because I don't think it fits, I've never had a romantic partner. When it talks about relationships, it's talking about all forms of relationships, not just the romantic ones. So friends, family, peers, etc. Basically you go through periods of idolizing the person and thinking they are the greatest, and then the way you feel about the person shifts and, as it was described in in the link above, you devalue the person and think more negatively towards them.

A lot of the time (although not always) there is a trauma component around BPD, meaning that you have had trauma(s) happen when you were young that may contribute to how your personality was formed.

Honestly, with the self harm, your reasons are valid too. Some people have a harder time handling emotions, even the positive ones. It's important to find other ways to express what you are feeling other than self harm. One thing that I've been told to do a lot is to hold an ice pack or even take a cold shower, kind of as a "reset" to your body and its functioning. You can do art, writing, or other creative activities. Intense exercise can burn off some of that energy and stress. There's more alternatives here.

To make a long story short, yes, I think you should bring this up with your therapist. Even if they don't think it's BPD, they can tell you what they DO think and go from there. If they do think it's BPD, they can also explain why they think that as well. Even if they don't think it's BPD, opening up about the symptoms and things you are experiencing can be really important because it will help guide your therapist on how they can best help you and meet your needs. Let them know about the dissociation, the lack of clear image about yourself, the self harm, etc. It's important that they know so they can help you.

I'd make an outline of what to say to your therapist. You can write it down somewhere and either show your therapist the outline, or use it as a guide for what you want to say to your therapist. Some main points to consider are telling your therapist that you are worried that you may have a mental health disorder beyond depression or anxiety and why. Tell your therapist that you are experiencing the symptoms that you mentioned above. Don't sugarcoat how you are feeling and don't downplay any symptoms you have. Tell your therapist that you were doing research into various conditions and you feel as if you could most closely relate to BPD, but that you are open to other possibilities as well, and that you would like to learn more about what is happening and gain a better understanding and more insight into what is going on. If you don't feel comfortable verbally telling her, you have the option of writing it all out in a letter similar to how you did with us and then handing it to her or emailing it to her. This would ensure that you are able to get everything out without nerves getting in the way and without forgetting to bring up a point.

I hope this helps at least a little. Best of luck on your journey.

Dez