Depression around my birthday

[TeenHelp]

Depression around my birthday

By Essa (MerESSAmaid)

Birthdays are normally a day that people really look forward to. However, I know that some people really dread them and become depressed when they are coming up. I myself am one of those people that get anxious and depressed when my birthday is coming up. I am going to explain why I think this happens and how I plan on stopping the things that typically happen for me this time of year.

When my birthday is coming around I get excited but I also get nervous. Ever since my 18th birthday it has become something I have mixed feelings about; I never thought I would make it to my 18th birthday and when I did I was excited but surprised at the same time. Therefore, since then I become depressed and most of the time end up on a 51/50, which is when you are put on a 72 hour hold in the psych hospital, when this time of year comes.

I was talking to my therapist the other day about this, and we explored the reasons on why I think this happens. I have come to the conclusion that it is because I expect more from the day and I end up being let down by those expectations. I don’t have friends to celebrate my birthday with, and every year it seems like I getfewer and fewer people wishing me a happy birthday. I always hope that my best friend who is like a sister to me will say happy birthday, but she typically doesn’t and that really disappoints me. See, birthdays for me used to be big pool parties with friends and once I got older they would include sleepovers. But now that I am older I do not do anything for my birthday besides a birthday dinner and cake.

Many people look forward to receiving presents on their birthday. Since I have gotten older most of the time I am the one that picks them out, so I know exactly what I am getting. I always hope that there will be at least one surprise present but most of the time there isn’t. So, this is another expectation I have that isn't often met.

I almost always get so depressed that I do not know how to handle it and get suicidal and end up on a 51/50 hold. This year I plan on making sure that I avoid this. I think I have put some good plans into place. Since my mom has taken the day off work, we are going to have a mommy/daughter day while my sister stays with my grandparents because she normally ends up ruining the day for me in some way. We will be going to the zoo since we have free tickets and I have been wanting to go for a while now. After I spend most of the day with her, we are going to come home and have my birthday dinner and cake. Following my birthday, I will go back to my regular routine.

I really hope this works and I can stay out of the hospital. If this happens to you my advice would be to try to make plans on your birthday It may help if you pay less attention to the details so you are not let down if the day doesn't go exactly the way you planned. I would also suggest spending time with the people you love, and surrounding yourself with love and support from family members and friends. Try not to get so hung up on how many happy birthdays you get on your social media accounts. Just try to enjoy the day. If you can't spend time with people, treat yourself. For example, you could practice self-soothe techniques or do something you're interested in such as seeing a movie. Making plans for the days following your birthday could help give you something to look forward to as you're getting back into your normal routine.

This is how I plan on not going into a depression and ending up in the hospital for my birthday. If you face this struggle of becoming depressed around your birthday, try and keep yourself busy when it rolls around. Lowering your expectations so you are not disappointed could help reduce or prevent negative feelings.