My life with Asperger's syndrome

[Storyteller.]

My life with Asperger's syndrome
By Lydia (Penultimate)

Asperger's syndrome is a mental illness that affects several areas of a child's normal development. This disorder is largely misunderstood and is often compared to Autism, a more well-known mental illness that also involves developmental issues. While the two are very similar, it's important to distinguish between the two, as children with Asperger's syndrome do not have language impairments like children with Autism do, which enables a child with Asperger's syndrome to speak words and phrases around the same time as a "normal" child can. Individuals who have been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome struggle with social interactions, which can include difficulty with making eye contact, displaying appropriate facial expressions, maintaining friendships, sharing interests with others, and reciprocating emotions. Individuals with Asperger's syndrome also behave in ways that may seem "odd" to some people. For example, a person with this disorder may spend an abnormally large amount of time on a particular hobby, have rigid patterns/routines that don't make sense, repeatedly make unusual gestures (ex. hand flapping), or become absorbed with one particular part of an object. A person with Asperger's syndrome doesn't always sense danger and cannot always pick up on social cues, body language, or tell when a conversation is getting boring.

With the correct help and support, a person with this disorder can go on to lead a fully independent life. Despite what people say about Asperger's syndrome, it is very different from how the media portrays the disorder. Usually, the media will show screaming children giving their parents a hard time, throwing tantrums, or having 'meltdowns.' It's not always like that.

Here's what it is like for me, someone living with Asperger's syndrome. I am an 'aspie,' and proud of it.

People don't always understand me, but then again, I don't always understand other people. I find it hard to understand jokes and certain social situations. In busy places, my five senses will pick up on things other people may not, such as loud noises and smells. Sometimes, all five senses will compete against each other, and I will get what is called 'information overload.' This is where too much information enters into my brain, and it gets mixed up and confusing. This means it takes longer to process everything.

Imagine not being able to understand the difference between 'sad' crying and 'happy' crying, or thinking that each time someone waves at a person, they are waving at you, even though they are a complete stranger. There's also a tendency to take things literally. For example, if someone told me to empty my trash bin, I will do exactly that. If someone wanted me to empty my trash bin AND take the garbage outside, they would need to make a point of saying so, as I would not process anything aside from what they originally said ('empty your trash bin').

Things 'normal' people take for granted, such as having social skills, are things I have to spend a great deal of time and effort on. I also have a very strict routine, and will get upset if this routine is altered. Whereas a 'normal' person may be able to adjust to a change in routine more readily, I can have difficulty making adjustments and cease to function as a result of what might be a relatively small change to many people.

Eye contact is also difficult, because when I am talking to someone and look into their eyes, it's more than just taking in the conversation. I also have to process their body language and make sense of it, as well as their facial expressions, which is extremely hard to do when taking in a conversation at the same time. Eye contact can be downright scary, because there is so much I have to focus on all at once. I also find eye contact scary because when I was at school I was bullied and this made me lose confidence. When I make eye contact with people, it feel like they are staring right at me and can see through me!

Recently, I was in a large shopping centre. It's the holiday season, too, so it was packed and people kept bumping into me. Eventually, I became flustered and started 'flapping' (which is what I call hand opening and shutting), and I became really frustrated with the crowds and the noise. I also suffer from anxiety, so while the frustration could have been due to the anxiety, the hand flapping was part of the Asperger's syndrome. I cannot control the hand flapping, nor do I fully understand why I make these movements. When people see me do this, most of them just stare or laugh. Sometimes, it'll get really bad, and I'll begin to tense up or talk louder than usual because of the frustration. I'm not scary or dangerous - I simply have different ways of processing information and showing my feelings or frustration.

This is what Asperger's syndrome is like for me.

Here's a quote that has been circulating on social networking websites: 'A child with Autism [or Asperger's] is not ignoring you. They are simply waiting for you to enter their world.' I've let you into my world as an 'aspie,' and as you can see, I am not so different from you. Yes, there are some things that I do differently, but in the end I am not someone to be afraid of or laughed at. I think it is important that everyone realize people with Asperger's syndrome have gone on to lead very 'normal' lives - they've obtained jobs, developed meaningful relationships, and gone on to marry and start families. Finding out that you or someone you love has Autism or Asperger's syndrome does not have to be the cause of sorrow. You might have to change your lifestyle a bit, but in the end, things can work out.