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Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!

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lonely16 Offline
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Abyss - November 25th 2021, 05:13 AM
This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

ABYSS

Blankness
Darkness
Oh blissful peace
Waits
For me
Floating
Nothing
Oh to be free
want it want it
Forces opposing
I’m longing
Want to go
Can’t
Want
Can’t
I want
So badly
An Abyss
No going back
Heart beats
Ticking
Counting?
A fateful Step
Determines
Defines
Can I?
I long
I crave
I want
Just to be free
I-
I-

Can I?
Should I?

Darkness envelops me
Floating freely
Blankness
Nothingness
Not a Care
Not a Pain
Not an Ache

Wanting
Wanting
Wanting

An Abyss
Awaits me
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Everglow. Offline
Did you miss me?
Outside, huh?
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Re: Abyss - November 25th 2021, 07:57 PM
I went ahead and moved this into self expression because it seems to fit better there as a poem.

This is really well written and I love the use of short snappy lines. It's very emotional. I hope you are okay and know that if you ever need to talk, you can always reach out here.

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Re: Abyss - November 25th 2021, 10:28 PM
This is my favorite part:

Quote:
Can I?
I long
I crave
I want
Just to be free
I-
I-

Can I?
Should I?

Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
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Re: Abyss - November 26th 2021, 09:11 AM
Hm, good one!
But too short phrases for me. I felt something like I'm caged.
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Re: Abyss - November 26th 2021, 11:34 AM
This was lovely and I enjoyed reading this. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

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It’s the expression
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Re: Abyss - November 27th 2021, 12:40 AM
I love how each line is short.

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Re: Abyss - December 5th 2021, 08:48 PM
I really love the slight rhyme to this part:

Quote:
Oh blissful peace
Waits
For me
Floating
Nothing
Oh to be free

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Re: Abyss - December 5th 2021, 11:18 PM
I really thought this was a wonderful piece. You conveyed heavy emotions with such few words.

Stay strong. <3

Quote:
Originally Posted by Astro04 View Post
Hm, good one!
But too short phrases for me. I felt something like I'm caged.
There is nothing wrong with the way people write. Please don't ever criticize someone's writing style.

Sometimes shorter is better. These words are heavy and a whole lot doesn't need to be said.

Please, reconsider before you put words like this out there, because not only they hurt the original author; but they hurt those who might be lurking/browsing anonymously. Or other users on here who might be debating sharing their creative words on here but are afraid of receiving comments just like yours.
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Re: Abyss - December 7th 2021, 04:42 AM
thanks stardust!
thank God I'm in a better place now than when I wrote this poem a few months ago (I only posted now). But I'll never forget that feeling and those emotions. even now, they still sometimes come up.
Astro04- the caged feeling is sort of the point. when I was suicidal I felt caged.
Caged by my feelings, caged by others. Just trapped...Its hard to put to words...
good idea for another poem
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