Self Expression Poems, stories, artwork and similar creations are great ways to let out your thoughts or feelings. Please share your work with us here!
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Name: Trinity
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A Love Poem -
May 11th 2016, 02:44 AM
I wrote this for the love of my life, Hailey. I think this may help me prove my love to her.
The girl with the pretty brown eyes,
She loves her some fries.
She has long brown hair.
I think I see her everywhere.
Even if people stare,
From here to there,
I'll follow you anywhere.
I love you.
So? Honest feedback!
Update: I changed the poem a bit!
The girl with the pretty brown eyes,
we'll still be talking when we die.
She has long brown hair,
I think I see her everywhere.
Even if people stare,
From here to there,
I'll follow you anywhere.
I love you.
Better?
Last edited by Agirlwithafeelingforgirls; May 12th 2016 at 06:36 AM.
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Living the dream.
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Name: Dez
Age: 28
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 11th 2016, 03:56 AM
I would kind of think of this in a more friendshippy way if I got this, especially if I didn't already know if you were LGBT+. It is a really cute poem, don't get me wrong, but the line "She loves her some fries" just makes it more seeming like a silly, friend type poem in a way.
Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 11th 2016, 10:26 PM
Yeah, it kinda does. I just couldn't think of anything lese that rhymes with fries. lol
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Feline the love.
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 12:29 AM
I think this is really sweet.
If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first
The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 04:01 AM
I did think this was really cute but I also agree with Dez. If people didn't know things about you they would be more likely to think that this was meant in a friendly way.
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Name: Trinity
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 06:33 AM
Thanks guys!
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Name: yen nhikorea
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 11:44 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Agirlwithafeelingforgirls
Yeah, it kinda does. I just couldn't think of anything lese that rhymes with fries. lol
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Yes, I agree with you 
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Please call that story back.
I've been here a while
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 07:22 PM
What a sweet way to express your love for her.
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 12th 2016, 07:34 PM
Thanks, Maizel.
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Name: yen nhikorea
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Re: A Love Poem -
May 14th 2016, 06:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Three_Blind_Mice
What a sweet way to express your love for her.
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My guess is that she will feel happy
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