TeenHelp

TeenHelp (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/)
-   Self Expression (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f40-self-expression/)
-   -   Untitled Poem (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f40-self-expression/t144827-untitled-poem/)

Malcharion April 22nd 2016 03:21 AM

Untitled Poem
 
Just something I randomly came up with. Feels kind of out of place with all these evocative and meaningful poems...

I saw the stars again appear
off in the distance far from here
Away from smoke and fog and dust
away from sweat and steel and rust
Where the air is pure and life untamed
where fecund lands by no-one claimed

I saw the dawn once more arise
rose-red and without disguise
The gloam as well was unmarred, pure
no more black sable smog to endure

But I ought not to tell a single soul
of this Eden, this redemption whole
For what despoils, what chaos wrought
by masses with good intentions thought

I saw the stars fade once more from the sky
the sun and moon both sputtered and died
no more would there be lavender dawn
or majestic dusk, orange and tawn.

I wish I could change what was long said and done
to bring back the moon and unveil the sun
But too late was my judgement made
and now Eden slips to the grave.

hocus pocus April 22nd 2016 04:28 AM

Re: Untitled Poem
 
It's not out of place at all, it fits in well! Anything fits in here. :hug: I think you did a fantastic job with this and I hope to see more of your work soon!

¯|_(ツ)_|¯ April 23rd 2016 11:01 PM

Re: Untitled Poem
 
This definitely isn't out of place! It is beautifully written.

Storyteller. April 24th 2016 01:45 AM

Re: Untitled Poem
 
Like the others said, this definitely belongs here! I really liked the piece. It felt sophisticated and emotional, and the imagery was beautiful, helped along by some absolutely fantastic word choice. Thank you so much for sharing it, and I really hope you decide to share more of your work soon.

Kintsukuroi. May 5th 2016 04:38 AM

Re: Untitled Poem
 
I love this a lot especially the first and second stanzas! I hope you post more here. :)


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:01 AM.

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
All material copyright ©1998-2025, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints | Mobile