TeenHelp - poem yikes

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- Self Expression (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f40-self-expression/)

- - poem yikes (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f40-self-expression/t141361-poem-yikes/)

She opens her eyes
to a neat little bed
pops in the oven her neat little bread
And says her prayer for being well fed

She walks out the door
of her neat little house
she crosses the street to the neat little path

High on a hill
sits a neat little bench
A gust of wind somersaults
beside the neat little station
As the train slowsssss...stops
She re-ties her neat little bow

Take me to a place,
where the streets are not marked
where the turtles sing joyous songs
where the mermaids are free to roam
And the goats, they play tag with kittens,
while fireflies dance all night long

Take me to where the stars glow brighter
Not invisible, not profane to distracted city dwellers
But when centaurs read the signs of the skies
and dribble with riddles to know if the stars are aligned

Not everything is a math equation
Some answers are undefined
some questions have no answers at all
And others, can be seen from multiple sides

No, not all is a neat little math equation
of finding x by PEMDAS operations
Please excuse my dear aunt Sally
She has a train to catch, one way ticket
to Diagon Alley.

I like the repetition of 'neat' in the first few stanzas! This is really good though. :D

I liked the repetition of 'neat' in the first few stanzas too. I really like this part:

Quote:

Not everything is a math equation
Some answers are undefined
some questions have no answers at all
And others, can be seen from multiple sides

It's just something about the way it is worded that I really like about it.

P.S: I'm glad you were able to write a poem since you've been dealing with writer's block. I like reading your poems so don't be afraid to keep posting! :)

This is lovely. <3 I enjoyed imagining everything in the fourth and fifth stanzas, and the ending is perfect! ^.^

I really liked this especially this part:

Quote:

Take me to a place,
where the streets are not marked
where the turtles sing joyous songs
where the mermaids are free to roam
And the goats, they play tag with kittens,
while fireflies dance all night long

Take me to where the stars glow brighter
Not invisible, not profane to distracted city dwellers

and I loved the ending! :D