TeenHelp - Triggering: New poem

This is a story which entails some of the events of my life

A life of struggles, struggles and strife

As a child, the memories are filled with hurt and pain

Things went wrong again and again,

Beatings and violence through a little girls eyes

A family full of conflict, secrets and lies

Invasion in so many ways, none of which a child should know

Preventing me from being happy, preventing me to grow

Many an accident I had in my school years,

Unable to control my bladder, always in tears.

Scared, petrified, unable to speak

A life so strong, but a child so weak.

Bullied by the other kids in my class,

I felt like a broken cracked glass

Cut and shattered in so many places

Bound together by invisible weak laces

From a very young age I found a way to cope,

But this painful self-destruction gave me little hope

Raped at 10, violated by blood.

Everything was always bad, nothing ever good

Emotional psychological verbal abuse,

I tried to run away but it was no use,

There was no escaping these demons skulking around,

No hope, no peace ever to be found

Neglect abandonment, torture and pain

Beaten and abused, again and again

Physical abuse and sexual too,

Is only a word of what I went through

Through high school, things remained the same

Again and again I suffered the same

Though now I hurt myself more than they hurt me

Starvation, self-mutilation but it wasn't easy

My world became a huge mess as people found out,

I couldn't even whisper that I wanted to shout

Ended up in a psych ward for kids and teens

Weeks turned to months in an NHS routine

Upon my discharge, I tried to make things better

But life may as well have given me a 'failure' letter

An injury, an illness, a bereavement too

Again only a fraction of what I went through

Moved up and down the country to try find a way

But there wasn't one peaceful safe place to stay

Another bereavement a best friend gone

I ended up getting more withdrawn

Family lost, in their pathways of lies

Undisguised by their truth-telling eyes

The hungry deceit left a trail of their mistakes

Causing nothing but misery and heartache

Still I carried on, and moved away again

Things turned around for me but no end to this pain

Raped again at 21 by a man I thought to be a friend

A liar and a bastard is all he was in the end

How much more can I take, I don't even know

Is there any further that I can even go?