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Another Poem- 'Case Unknown'
Another poem I wrote... I want to work on the last line but it needs to rhyme with the second last and needs to have impact... whats a good word that fits well instead of 'drowned' and has impact anyone?
I can feel the frigid air meet the placid exterior of my neck, I hear my wretched demons-which I am theirs to persecute and peck, The air contends to choke me, with it's own cold, abhorrent hands, And my hopeful happy soul has disintegrated with heaven's sands, The youthfulness and innocence I pledged to myself I would protect, Has led me to this feeling of loss and emptiness I can feel nothing but my soul-deject, I can recollect the images, words and attitudes of the people around me, The ones meant to be helping but rather decide to flee, Now they wonder-why, Her body remains placid as mourners cry, The same ones that deemed her invisible-looked at her once but never again, The ones that disregarded those harmless little crimson lines on her wrists- as ink from a pen, But truth is this pen wasn't harmless- it was cold and cruel, Even more so than the bullies that endeavoured to torment and taunt her at school, She's nothing more than a case, With her name as a number on a report that you'll soon efface, She's yet another child that nobody tried to protect, But rather deemed as an object by them which they chose to neglect, She sent her pleas out to the world, But many left unheard as the sky twinkled and twirled, Now she's resting- her ruptured heart in the ground, But after all she's just a number- isn't she? Unknown case- drowned. |
Re: Another Poem- 'Case Unknown'
I'm not sure what rhymes, but I do want to say that this is a really amazing poem!
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Re: Another Poem- 'Case Unknown'
This is really good! :)
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Re: Another Poem- 'Case Unknown'
I really enjoyed reading this. :) Here are some words that rhyme with ground -
Bound, found, crowned, sound, round, wound, around, profound, surround. Maybe you could say something to the affect of "her cries never made a sound" or something about answers not being found? |
Re: Another Poem- 'Case Unknown'
Thank you for the feedback everyone and that line sounds great thanks
Cassiopeia :) |
Re: Another Poem- 'Case Unknown'
I really like this, especially this part:
Quote:
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