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This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.
Your breathing but are you alive ? It feels like your doing what you can to do survive but at the same time your questioning your existence, your wondering if your in a deep sleep and one day you'll just like wake up from this nightmare and realize that past few years you've been in some deep coma where you have just laid there like a vegetable yet you were like completely aware of everything going on around you ?
No. Your just simply trying to survive each day. But life's worn you down, left you with battle wounds marking every inch of your body, legs, arms, thighs, stomach, all of it, every wound a reminder of the battles you fought and still are fighting, a reminder that even though you feel like your dead your scars and battle wounds are a reminder that you're still battling yourself and that your really just like trying to survive this thing called life.
The blades become a friend in itself. An enemy as well. It's like your drowning but its like no matter how hard you scream no one can hear you and your screams are just like falling into the sea the waves crashing against the sea wall like completely drowning out your screams.
'There will be bad days, there will be good days, there will be really bad days, and really good days, and days that are not bad or good but just simply suck, but either way you got through it and you are here today and that is all that really matters''
Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
As the waves drown out your screams you hold your hands held high crying out to anyone who is there to hear you, see you , help you, but no one comes. It feels like your in this alone and that's how it will always be.
But then you hear someone shout 'just swim' and suddenly your swimming in a wave of emotions from fear to panic to wanting to know what the fucks going on and where your going. Your mind is all over the place , you feel a mess and all you want is for someone to just like sit with you and tell you your going to make it and your going to survive but no ones telling you that so you just have to keep swimming , trying to survive but using every once of your strength to just like keep on swimming in a sea of emotions that are angry and violent waves and crash against your skull and your brain crushing it into like lots of pieces all in one go and at the same time it makes you question your existence.
'There will be bad days, there will be good days, there will be really bad days, and really good days, and days that are not bad or good but just simply suck, but either way you got through it and you are here today and that is all that really matters''