TeenHelp - Triggering (SH): Untitled Poem

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- - Triggering (SH): Untitled Poem (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f40-self-expression/t119730-untitled-poem/)

Bleed just to stay alive for another day.
Slice into your skin, into your feelings, into your sins.
Burn, because the fire dancing represents
All your wasted dreams, your haunted nightmares, and your new self.
Cry, because this is not what you signed up for:
A life centered around feeding the blade, the match, the knife.
To quiet the voices in your head saying
You're worthless. They die as they run crimson red down your arms.
Self harm is a way of life for you now,
There is no escaping this. You've done it this time, baby.

This one's not good at all. :/ I've written better. So I really need edits and constructive criticism. I'd love to edit this.

Re: Untitled Poem

I always get all giddy when you post stuff. XD I know I'll love it. And yet again, I do! I honestly don't see how you could edit this. It's really amazing, honest.

One thing, towards the end, you have this:

Quote:

Self harm is a way of life for you now, and
There is no escaping this. You've done it this time, baby.

I think it might look better without the "and". Doesn't seem like it fits well. Otherwise, you wrote this amazingly and I don't think it needs edits. Good work, Dezzyface. :)

Re: Untitled Poem

Thanks! I've taken out the "and" since, you're right, it does seem better without. :D