The Mysterios Man(poem)

[silent_love]

I could see him in the distance
Through the fog and all the mist
I could see that he was watching me
It’s something I could not miss.

I don’t know who he is
I have never seen him before
He is dark and mysterious
Someone I wouldn't want near my door

My only friend who betrayed me
I don’t love him any more
My one best bud betrayed me
Don’t want him near my door

He disappeared so instantly
I don’t know where he went
I hope he doesn't follow me
That would be pure torment

I ran straight home
Not looking back
I locked the door
I nearly had a heart attack

I huddle in my blankets
In my pyjamas that are green
I make sure all the lights are off
Hoping I will never be seen.

I hear his knuckles knocking
On the old wooden front door
My heart is racing rapidly
I fall flat on the floor.

The heavy breathing of a man,
Is all that I can feel
I know my death is coming near
I let out a little squeal

The pain is just horrific
As I lay in a pool of blood
He whispers softly in my ear
'Goodbye my one best bud'

[Coffee.]

Hey Michelle,

I really like the theme you have taken on, with a nice solid story line! My advice to you is to get out of the rhyme scheme, it's really holding the story back, and making it lack of imagery. So maybe take an afternoon and really sketch out what you want to show in this poem, the emotions, the images, and the feeling you want to reader to be left with, and use what you have to mold a poem that is a little more concrete. I hope that helps, good luck!

[Koharuchan]

This is really great, you did a wonderful job with imagery. Keep up the good work!

[Le Papillon]

:0 this is awesome! great imagery, good discription, super cool nicely done