Religion and Birth Control

[reaching]

hey guys

So I'm catholic and birth control is kind of a sticky topic for me. Me and my boyfriend kind of argue about it a lot. I refuse to use the pill, and I dont know if I want to use condoms either. The guy I lost my virginity to didnt want to use one, and I really didnt know how to ask him. Then the next guy said he didnt like wearing them either, so I just went with it (it wasnt a good relationship). Now I'm in love with my boyfriend, and he wants to use condoms. he says that its because he cares about me, but I feel guilty when we use them. Sometimes we do, and sometimes we dont, but I always feel nervous the whole time if we do.

Should I just give in? That's what I'm used to doing. But part of me wants to stand my ground, and not use them. I dont even know what to think anymore...

[Angel]

If you aren't on any form of contraception, you are risking pregnancy each time you have sex. It wouldn't be fair for your child if you were to bring him/her into this world unprepared. Premarital sex isn't really acceptable if you are going by religion, and so is birth control and abortion. There really isn't anything I can say to make you feel better about this.

I'm Catholic too. :) I don't think it is a sin to be having sex with someone you love. We use birth control because we want to take family planning into our own hands. That means using contraception until we want to start a family. You should not feel guilty about using condoms. It is a responsible act. If you are mature enough to be having sex, you should be mature enough to take this into your own hands.

[ertyuio]

Originally Posted by Angel

If you aren't on any form of contraception, you are risking pregnancy each time you have sex. It wouldn't be fair for your child if you were to bring him/her into this world unprepared. Premarital sex isn't really acceptable if you are going by religion, and so is birth control and abortion. There really isn't anything I can say to make you feel better about this.

Precisely this -- if you want to honor your religious obligations so firmly, then you shouldn't even be having premarital sex. I know few religious people around our age who truly believe that it's imperative to wait until marriage, and even fewer (none) who believe that if it's alright before marriage, birth control is not an option, but to disregard the former and firmly press the latter is quite strange.

Your boyfriend is being a very caring and responsible guy for wanting to use condoms, despite the fact that he knows he could have better-feeling sex without them. He wants to make sure that you don't become a mother at 16 years old; and that you can enjoy sexual intimacy without having to worry about doing something stupid or irresponsible. As Angel said -- if you are mature enough to be having sex, you should be mature enough to know how to do it responsibly.

[Coffee.]

Yeah, pre-martial sex is already a sin. I think you might as well use birth control to protect yourself from pregnancy, especially condoms because that protects you from STDs as well. If you're having sex anyway, you might as well be safe.

[reaching]

I used to feel really guilty about having sex because it wasn't with people I loved and trusted. Now that I'm with jc, I don't feel as guilty. But then I feel weird that I don't feel bad about doing it. I guess I just feel like birth control would make something wrong worse.

[Ambiance]

I think using birth control could only make things better; it would be a worse wrong to bring a child into an unstable environment.

[chook14]

If you don't want to use birth control because of religious views, you should stop having sex and wait until you're older or married and ready to have children. If you're going to keep having sex, you might as well use birth control. using birth control wouldn't be making the whole thing worse as you said, it would just make you more responsible. Put everything aside for a moment, and just think about what it will be like if you get pregnant. Do you really think you're ready for a baby at 16 and all the responsibility and sacrifice that comes with it? It doesn't sound like your boyfriend wants you to get pregnant, so it wouldn't be fair to him. Unless you're completley prepared to become a mum, I think you should start using birth control.

[reaching]

I know it isn't as safe as birth control, but we're careful. He always pulls out. I only get my period every 3 months or so, and I can tell when I'm ovulating. We don't have sex at that time. I know I'm not ready to have a baby because I wouldn't be able to give the child the life I had growing up.

I'm just so afraid of the choices I'm making. I know that losing my virginity when I did was wrong, but I don't know if its wrong for me to have sex with jc. We grew up together, and he's helping me get over everything that happened with lane. Its not just sex with him, its love. But I don't know what god thinks. I guess I just don't want to take another chance on the birth control thing and God.

[Angel]

It may be a good idea for you to talk to your priest about this.

To be honest, I don't believe protecting yourself from infections is sinful. I don't believe it to be sinful to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancies. It would be even worse to have an abortion or have a child you don't want when you had the chance to protect yourself from that situation. I don't think you'll lose God's favour by using contraception.

[shimmeringfaerie]

So you feel guilty about using condoms? But you don't feel guilty about exposing your boyfriend to STIs?

You've had unprotected sex with at least two guys before your current partner. If you haven't been tested for STIs, then you could easily pass something on to him. And I think that is an incredibly selfish thing to do. You are entitled to your beliefs, of course. But if you feel that your religious beliefs prevent you from practising safe sex, then you shouldn't be having sex at all.

I can understand that you don't want to use hormonal birth control. Many girls don't want to take hormones that way. But there is absolutely no good reason not to use a condom. Fertility awareness has a higher failure rate than condoms (especially for young users), so using condoms would be much better at preventing pregnancy and would reduce the risk of STI transmission.

Usually I believe in people standing their ground and sticking with their beliefs. But when standing your ground puts your partner and yourself in a risky situation, then it's certainly not okay.

[LittleMiss]

I'm sorry but you're okay with having pre-marital sex but not to use contraception?
That's a double standard if I've ever seen one.

In Catholicism, preventing conception is the sin, not taking contraception (people often forget this). By using the pulling out method, you're attempting to prevent conception and thus, making the same sin. Using the rhythm method is acceptable because you're not actually having sex and preventing conception at the time of the act. However, I still don't recommend this method as a way of preventing pregnancy.

You can also become pregnant when pulling out, pre-cum can contain sperm.

I don't think you can pick and choose, um and ah about this. It's not fair to say "I don't want to sin and use contraception but I'm okay with having sex."
It's not fair on your partner as I'm sure he doesn't want to contract/give you a disease or to be a father.

By the way, the pope has lifted the ban on condoms as he believes that limiting the spread of disease is important (I know this was only for homosexual contact but if you're going to bend the rules, you may as well bend this one too.)

[ertyuio]

As LittleMiss said above, pulling out is not a reliable form of birth control. And, you can get pregnant at any time, regardless of your ovulation cycle. I honestly don't think you should be having sex while knowing so little about it, it's very worrysome.

If you feel guilty about using contraception, you're going to feel even more guilty when you get pregnant and it forces your boyfriend to become a father before he leaves high school. It will cause him to be resentful. Would you rather sin (which you are already doing, by default) by using protection, or be impregnated by someone who is far from being ready for a family?

[reaching]

You guys have really given me a lot to think about. I know that premarital sex is a sin. I lost my virginity in a bad situatuion and planned on not having again after that until marriage. With my next boyfriend he told me that I had to do it with him or he'd leave me and that no one else would ever want someone like me. I guess I've just done it so many times now I feel like there's no way to fix that. Jc isn't in high school, but I know were not ready to have a baby yet. Both of us have been tested for STIs.

I'm just so afraid. I don't know if sex when you're in love is wrong, I don't know if condoms are wrong. It's not a black and white decision for me. Logically, yes I know we should use them. I just feel so guilty about my past thaat the idea of another wrong thing terrifies me. I can't repair my virtue, or stop me from being in love, but I guess I can control this.

I don't even know what to think anymore.

[LittleMiss]

I'm curious, what's your current boyfriend's stance on this?
Would he be happy to wait until marriage for you?

What you are doing now (having unprotected sex/using the pull-out method) is not going to 100% prevent you from getting pregnant. In fact, for perfect use, the pull-out method has a 4% rate of pregnancy and typically is around 15%. That's a whole lot!

If you were to become pregnant, that would be an obvious indicator to everyone that you're having pre-marital sex (as well as changing both you and your boy friend's lives forever).

What would be worse do you think? Having a child out of wedlock or using condoms? Think about it.

You say that having sex with someone you love doesn't seem wrong and by the everyday person's standards, it's not however, you've said you are a hard and fast Catholic. For you, It is a sin no matter how much you and your boyfriend love each other.
My only solution for you if you still want to have sex, not use contraception and not be sinning is to get married. But I don't recommend that since divorce is also against Catholic doctrine.

[eunoia]

I know many Catholics that will use condoms but will not use the birth control pill. The reasoning is that some birth control pills can prevent an embryo from implanting in the uterus, which is decidedly not pro-life. But it is important to understand how the pill works. The primary function of birth control pills are to prevent ovulation and the secondary function is to inhibit sperm from penetrating the cervix. This means that when the pill is used correctly and is working effectively, fertilization is highly unlikely, which logically leads to implantation being equally as unlikely. If you believe life begins at conception, though, that small chance may not be a risk worth taking. Condoms, however (when used effectively, and I do stress that) only prevent fertilization, there is no secondary function which inhibits implantation--the sperm never reaches the egg, so an embryo never forms.

The best advice I can give you is to schedule an appointment with a OBGYN. You should have regular visits as someone who is sexually anyways, and a doctor can best explain to you how various methods of birth control work. This will help you determine, personally, what is and is not inline with your beliefs.

[Sythan]

Want pregnancy? Keep doing what you're doing. Use a condom, use birth control, that is the only way to be safe. I doubt God or Jesus will not love you for you wanting to protect yourself.

[Stargazed.]

I know it's against your beliefs but as others have said, you've got to protect yourself from pregnancy, STIs, etc.

[reaching]

So I think its time for me to have some talks with people. First, is jc. I kind of know where he stands, and he kind of knows where I stand, but obviously we haven't decided anything after a year of sometimes using condoms, and sometimes not. I don't want to hurt him in anyways.

Maybe talking to a preist wouldn't be so bad either. My priest is old, but he knows me well and he's preetty cool. I'm a little afraid to say that I've had sex and still don't know how to choose birth control. I also have a good friend who's father is a deacon, and when he has sex he uses condoms. I could talk to him about it.

Growing up is so confusing. I feel so lost.

[Coffee.]

Originally Posted by Sythan

Want pregnancy? Keep doing what you're doing. Use a condom, use birth control, that is the only way to be safe. I doubt God or Jesus will not love you for you wanting to protect yourself.

I think Sythan said it all.
But I believe a relationship with God is a personal thing. I think that God would want you to be safe, and not be putting yourself in danger of ruining your life or others' lives. Talking to people in your religion might be a good idea, but they just may tell you not to have sex. I think in the end, the decision is yours.

[Maloo]

To the original poster, talk to those people and see if they can clear up some of your questions.

[Edit]

[reaching]

Okay if theres no sin, theres still morals? Even if there's no god, you dont have the right to be rude to people you've never even met.

[Edit]

[shimmeringfaerie]

Emily, even though you've been tested for STIs doesn't mean you don't have any. Some STIs, like genital herpes, can only be diagnosed during an outbreak, but can be passed on at any time.

You're right that not everything is black and white. But I think in this case, the definite pros of using condoms far outweigh the potential negatives.

[reaching]

I called jc tonight (he lives a couple hours away so I couldn't do it in person) and told him everything. He is honestly the best guy in the world. I finally told him about how worried I was about whatt's right and wrong. He told me that we could take a break from sex if I needed one. I always thought guys dump girls if there's no sex. But he also said that he didn't think god cares if we show our love to each other in a physical way. He says he can picture spending the rest of his life with me. I asked him what he really thought about us not using condoms. He didn't want to pressure me into something that went against my beliefs, but he wanted to use them. When we first started having sex, I was so broken, he didn't want to be an asshole. He doesn't want me to have to give up my dreams to have his baby though. He's done so much for me, I guess the least I can do is let the boy use a condom. I don't remember who said it above, but someone said that pulling out is birth control too. I guess a piece of latex isn't any different from pulling out.

[chook14]

Hey, I'm glad you spoke to your boyfriend, he sounds really supportive I think choosing to use condoms is the right decision. As you mentioned earlier, it might still help and make you feel better to talk to your preist or your friends dad so they can reassure you! Good luck <3

[Magic.]

Pulling out and condoms are VERY different. Some people use the pulling out method and it's fine. But for some it doesn't, as someone posted there's sperm in pre-cum which can get you pregnant. The odds may be lower, but they still exist.
Personally I never got the whole anti-contraception thing in religion, anti-abortion I get but anti-contraception? Contraception does not kill an embryo / foetus, it merely prevents one being created in the first place. Which in my mind is not a sin as it is not ending life. You are preventing yourself from bringing a child into a world that is not healthy for it, it would be far better to not have a child until you're ready.
I think your boyfriend sounds great, and I'm sorry you've had bad experiences in the past. Any guy who says he'll break up with you if you don't sleep with him, really isn't worth your time!
I think speaking to your priest is a great idea. From my understanding, what you tell them is in confidence, so they can't tell anyone else. I would go to him and explain that growing up is confusing you, that you were previously pressured into sex and you feel it should be ok with someone you love and who loves you. You can also explain to him what people have said about how contraception does not kill a fertilised egg, and ask if that is then acceptable, especially in terms of your health and not getting STIs. I'm sure you won't be the first confused teen he's come accross, so try to remember you're not the only one and that it's ok to be confused and go for help!
And please don't listen to posters who say you're stupid. It's perfectly fine to find all of this confusing!!

[de.wit]

I am Catholic as well. And yes it is against Catholicism to use the pill or condoms, but I am on the pill anyway. I didn't start on the pill because I was having sex. But i do think that using condoms and being on the pill are good whether you are just in a casual relationship or are in a serious one. Condoms and birth control pills are good to use to help prevent STDs, pregnancy, emotional unsteadiness, etc. Just make sure you are sure of what you want to do and don't ever give in to your boyfriend. Stand up for what you want/believe in, no matter what the out-come is.

[Ambiance]

It sounds like the situations you've been put in by others were so difficult that you're needing some time to realize that it's not the same situation with your current boyfriend.

It sounds like maybe you don't want to be having sex at all, if you're so comprimised by this whole situation.

[reaching]

I guess at times I dont know whether I want to or not. I think that jc would be okay with us taking a break from it if I needed it, but thats kind of what reassures me that its okay. He's not just using me for sex, and when he says he can see us together for the rest of our lives, he means it. If thats true, I think us having sex is okay. Its been a long time since Ive been used only for sex.

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

Congrats on being pregnant. Even though you're not pregnant already, you might as well think you are because at the rate you're going you will be. If you want to have sex, then have sex but remember you said:

I'm not ready to have a baby because I wouldn't be able to give the child the life I had growing up.

As mentioned, contraception isn't killing a fetus or embryo, it prevents it from ever been made. You're asking your priest, parents, us and everyone else except yourself. I'm not talking about the morality of having sex because it's irrelevant, you've already had sex regardless if you're happy about it. Instead, ask yourself if you support aborting or adopting your soon-to-be baby because it's going to happen. Also ask yourself why you don't support contraception because it seems you haven't thought it out, you just agreed with your religious views yet it's obvious you don't fully agree.

You're living in the past by always mentioning your previous sexual relationships and how they turned out bad. They're irrelevant because you're with someone else. Personally, when I have a girlfriend I do expect sex or at the very least, oral sex.

On another note, you said:

Even if there's no god, you dont have the right to be rude to people you've never even met. And I'm not stupid. I guarantee my IQ is higher than yours.

I know you were addressing someone else, however, your statement includes everyone. It's a two-sided sword, I have the right to be as rude as I want to you even if it makes you jump off a bridge to kill yourself and I have the right to be as nice to you, even if it makes you love the world. Are you suggesting if I did meet you in-person that I then have the right to be rude to you? If I did, I'm sure you would chime, "you don't have the right to be rude to me".

However, this is all a farce because you were rude in return to someone you never met before and had no problem doing so. I'm not intending to debate you here (go to the debate section if you wish to debate with myself or someone else).

[reaching]

Ouch. That was some high quality advice. If all TH does is make me feel like izkm stupid because of my beliefs and criticizes me, maybe this isn't the place for me.

[reaching]

Ts because its like interfering with Gods will. A lot of people gave me really good advice, and I appreciate it. Me and jc have come to the conclusion that we do want to be using condoms more because of the advice people gave me. That last post just made me feel atttacked.

[Ryan1]

Emily,

I’ve closed this thread because the discussion is off topic arguing over beliefs is not something TeenHelp stands by, as a community we support all religious views. We aim to help everyone with there problems and suitably we have many routs our members can take to find advice. Check out LiveHelp or HelpLink for advise if you don’t feel your getting it here. Also if you check out the chat room someone might be there as well to talk.

If you have any question pm me.