Lying about Religion?

[MisplacedDreamer]

So my friend was bothered by his former girlfriend lying about his religious beliefs to her father. He is an atheist and her family is extremely religious/controlling. He didn't think it was fair for her to lie about his beliefs and that he should have to carry those lies on. This is partially why they broke up, but there were other factors like she was too emotionally committed and wanted their relationship to be like her sister who married her husband after four months of knowing and dating him.

Now, my boyfriend has told his grandmother that I am a baptized-Catholic, not a lie. I find it amusing and it doesn't really bother me as it is his grandmother and not his parents. I think that if he had to lie and say that I was Jewish or some other belief, then it would bother me.

What are your guys take on lying about religious beliefs? Is it okay to fudge to smooth things over with your parents or your significant others' parents? Would you do it?

I personally wouldn't do it at the parent-level, but I am okay with it at the grandparent level.

[thebigmole]

I had a friend who was religious with very religious parents who was dating an atheist. She didn't lie about his religion just about the fact that she was dating him. I think sometimes it's hard. especially at some ages. When you are in your teens and your parents still have so much control over your life, then in certain cases it would make sense to lie to them about such things.

Now even older couples I get about lying about religion to grandparents, since that generation is very stubborn. In some cases I would see even extending that into extended family. My aunts and uncles are very religious, they don't even know that I'm not religious at all. So while my parents don't care they might. However I'm not going to bring it up myself, I mean why lie if they don't even ask the question?

[PSY]

Having (or lacking) religious beliefs can be quite personal for some people; therefore, I don't think it's something that should ever be lied about under normal circumstances. It's kind of like discussing politics... either be honest about what you believe, or say "I don't want to talk about it", "I don't feel comfortable expressing my opinions", etc. I'm Christian, and my boyfriend is not (not sure if you could call him an atheist or agnostic). I don't tell my other Christian friends that he doesn't believe in God, but I certainly don't lie and say he does, either. It's simply not something we discuss, and they are free to draw whatever conclusions they'd like to.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

My take is VERY simple do not lie and I would not even date anyone outside my faith.

[Merav]

I wouldn't lie I just won't mention it. My boyfriend is Hindu and his parents know that I'm not and and they don't mind as long as I respect their beliefs, their grandparents don't care at all.
Why wouldn't you date someone outside your faith though?? Religion as I see it, shouldn't interfere.

[Union Of V]

I have been in a similar situation (two of my closest friends have a religious fanatic as a mother) and I understand entirely why you would want to lie. While I don't endorse lying about your religion, if it is necessary to keep your friendship going then it's a logical choice to take. If you were looking at marriage, or even lying directly to your friend/lover, then yes it would definitely be wrong; but when the person you're lying to shouldn't react to your religion in any way, but you have reason to believe they will, then lie away.

[MisplacedDreamer]

Well, to be fair, they don't tell their grandmother a lot of things such as his mother has a master's degree and she actually has a job because she'll gossip to the entire town about them. They already gossip about the brother who lives in Cali so my situation is more than slightly different from my friends.

Like I think if the one ex-girl of my friend had her way, she would have married him by now.

[Megan1]

Well I don't think that lying is ever right. And people who are serioius about Christianity believe that marriage is a way for two godly people who love each other to serve each other through God and become one in God....So I don't see a purpose for a Christian to marry a non-Christian anyways, it wouldn't be a real Christian marriage....so there's really no need to lie.

[Union Of V]

Originally Posted by Megan1

Well I don't think that lying is ever right. And people who are serioius about Christianity believe that marriage is a way for two godly people who love each other to serve each other through God and become one in God....So I don't see a purpose for a Christian to marry a non-Christian anyways, it wouldn't be a real Christian marriage....so there's really no need to lie.

...so love cannot transcend religion?

[PSY]

Let's not turn this into a debate, guys. =P The questions are as follows: "What are your guys take on lying about religious beliefs? Is it okay to fudge to smooth things over with your parents or your significant others' parents? Would you do it?"

[caitielady]

For me, religion is just basically something that a person believes in. Why lie about it? Everybody has different beliefs and opinions about everything, even couples have different beliefs about many things other than religion. If you were in a relationship where you both agreed with EVERYTHING, it would be kinda boring. You'd have to have some things that you didn't have in common. I know that if I dated somebody from a different faith, my father wouldn't really care as long as he was aware and respectful of the fact that I was raised in a family that is catholic. My mom might need some more convincing. My grandparents wouldn't really care too too much because another granddaughter of theirs married someone who wasn't catholic. Don't lie, lying makes everything worse!

[Megan1]

Originally Posted by Union Of V

...so love cannot transcend religion?

Send me a private message if you really want my opinion on that, because I don't want to turn this thread into a religious debate. Thanks.

[Jill.]

I would personally never put myself in that kind of a situation. I have no problem saying that I am an atheist-- so if a person I'm in a relationship's parents were to have a problem with that; I don't think that the relationship in the whole would work out in the long run. It would lead to too much conflict, and I wouldn't want to deal with that.

[rhapsody]

Originally Posted by Jill.

I would personally never put myself in that kind of a situation. I have no problem saying that I am an atheist-- so if a person I'm in a relationship's parents were to have a problem with that; I don't think that the relationship in the whole would work out in the long run. It would lead to too much conflict, and I wouldn't want to deal with that.

Yet sometimes you are put in that situation without your say so. For example, about a year ago my mum accidentally let slip to my very religious grandma that I often sleep over at my boyfriend's house. My grandma was horrified so my mum quickly said 'oh, but they always sleep in separate beds, because he is catholic too.' My grandma believes that i am still a virgin. What should I have done? Said that my mum lied so that my boyfriend and I didn't have to lie to my grandma? Or keep this little lie which will make my grandma very happy?

It's all very well making this big show of being true to yourself and not lying about your religion but, when it comes down to it, I don't think many people would mind telling a little white lie if it made someone they loved last few years on earth happier.