converting to Islam. choice between family or religion

[Pessimistic Panda]

I'm going to convert to Islam. I am so happy but my family isn't they're mad at me because of all they read on the 'so called' evils of Muslim life.They're on all the bad stuff they hear on the news my sister got into something about muslim men being mean to their daughters, and how bad she "read" it is. and i don;'t know if it's her feeding my mom these lies or what but it's bothersome. My 'boyfriend' is being drug into the mix as well. my mom's on the fact he's wanting to do it because she believes or read (don't know which) in Islam that women are beneith men.

so she thinks that he's doing it to feel superior over me or something. I don't know what to do or if this topic belongs in family instead. I'm just not sure if I should pick my family or religion.

[Gingerbread Latte]

My mum doesn't agree with religions I'm interested in either, she saw a Pagan book I had and gave me a lecture on how I shouldn't be getting into 'that' stuff because bad things happen etc.

Maybe you could still convert but just not bring up the topic in front of your family and keep them separate from your spiritual life. It'd be nice if they could accept you for what you are but if they can't then you need to do what's best for you and if you've found something you believe strongly in then don't let them take it away from you. But make sure you are doing this for you and that it doesn't have anything to do with you boyfriend.

[Pessimistic Panda]

You have a point there but I don't know how they're going to see it that I'm going to have to stay with the boyfriends grandparents until I'm married. Theyre going to have a nice hayday with it. It's just that they've been so supportive when I thought I was Wiccan. Now it's all crazy. My boyfriend was the last thing on my mind when I saw all the Islam videos they were what connected me with it.

[Gingerbread Latte]

I guess the news doesn't help much, Islam has a lot of stigma attached to it, even more so than other religions in some cases.

[John 6:29]

There are a lot of radical fundamentalists in Islam as opposed to many other religions. Though not ALL of them are on board with the "evil/terrors" etc. of Islam, there are many who are brainwashed into it. Though Islam gets a lot of bad press, you have to realize at the same time that not all this bad press is necessarily made up. To be honest with you, it sounds like your parents are more concerned for you than being adamant against religion. Though religion often times is controversial to me it just sounds like they're concerned and don't want you to be brainwashed to what many fundamentalists buy into. If I were you I'd study more on the topic before converting. Even if you feel like you know a lot about it (probably more than myself and maybe your family), it seems to be by your wagering between religion and family that you don't know enough to make the step into religion. If you're debating between family and religion (yeah, it's difficult I understand), I think you should study it more before choosing. You are 23, so I'm sure whatever you choose will be a wise decision, but for me I'd say stick with your family. There's nothing that says you can't convert later on, but for now it seems to me you're not ready. When I converted to Christianity (I'm confused as to where I stand right now, I'm kind of a Christian-agnostic -- leaning more towards Christianity again), I lost almost ALL my friends and was made fun of a LOT for being ignorant etc. coming from a previous agnosticism, so for me it was a step from "intellect" to being "ignorant" and many people stopped talking to me.

It's a big step, and I recommend looking more into it even if you feel you know all the in's and out's. Just because you're not a convert doesn't mean you can't study it. SO, study it and see if you agree with it. If you find out you do, present it to your parents and show why you agree with it in a presentable and reasonable manner that doesn't seem like you're at war or rebelling against them.

Ultimately it's your choice, but again this is just my opinion and you don't seem ready to convert.

[Goatboy]

I'm in a similar situation as I've recently left Christianity and become a deist (I am becoming more and more comfortable with my decision)
I too am having issues with my family because of religion
bah it's always causing problems
Anyway my advice is similar to the others STUDY ISLAM
Read stuff by Muslims, non-Muslims and if possible find material by people who are neutral (if that is possible)
At one time I was interested in Islam, but no longer
Out of interest what form of Islam are you planning to convert to?
Personally I have most respect for Sufism
Don't no convert because of your family, and don't convert for your boyfriend
Do it because you are 100% sure it is right for you
The fact that you started this thread shows that you aren't and that you may not even be doing it for the right reasons
Be ruthless with your analysis and don't leave any stones unturned or you may regret it
I would put some questions for you on Islam, however I don't think they would be appropriate for this thread and plus I really should be going now
I am no expect on Islam, but I have spent a lot time reading on it, so if you would be willing for me to test you some issues on Islam I would more than willing
However if you are considering to convert you probably know more than me, but questioning a few things would do no harm

[MWF]

well im a Catholic and my family would kick me out if i did. I know its your choice, but I think you should wait a while to decide.

[peaceful_liberation]

Originally Posted by КЄІІуs біяІ

I'm going to convert to Islam. I am so happy but my family isn't they're mad at me because of all they read on the 'so called' evils of Muslim life.They're on all the bad stuff they hear on the news my sister got into something about muslim men being mean to their daughters, and how bad she "read" it is. and i don;'t know if it's her feeding my mom these lies or what but it's bothersome. My 'boyfriend' is being drug into the mix as well. my mom's on the fact he's wanting to do it because she believes or read (don't know which) in Islam that women are beneith men.

so she thinks that he's doing it to feel superior over me or something. I don't know what to do or if this topic belongs in family instead. I'm just not sure if I should pick my family or religion.

If you feel in your heart that Islam is for you, and that with it you will truely find peace, then it is best to embrace it, and your family will come to understand, or if not, they will eventually accept your decsion.
They may be very upset for a while, but they will not turn their backs on you, you are their family, and since it's not a crime against them, they will soon forget it.
You are aware of the misconceptions, but they believe it's the truth, maybe if you let them know how it really is, then they won't resent the decsion so much?
Most people converting to Islam have family pressure not to, and once they're in the folds, family members see a postive change and really accept it. It happens all the time.
I have to ask, what is it that makes you want to convert? what it is that has appealed to you?
I hope inshAllah everything goes well for you, this is a great decision and I promise you that if you go forth for the right reasons Allah will help you from ways you can not imagine.


I found this, it may help when things, if they do, get rough:

An excerpt from the lecture: "The Greater the Hardship, the Greater the Reward" by Abu Uwais

It is related in Saheeh, ‘Who are the people who will receive the most difficulties, trials and tribulations? He said: the prophets, then those most like them, then like them, a man will be tested in accordance with his deen. A man will go through difficulties in according with his deen. A man will go through hardship in according with his deen. A man will experience sadness and grief in accordance with his deen.

If his deen is strong, then his difficulties will be great. His trials will be hard. If he has in his deen some ease, or some lightness then he will be tested in accordance with the likeness of his deen. Because trials and tests won't leave a servant until his sins are forgiven. That is because the servant, he undergoes so many trials and tests, his sins are forgiven and it will be as if he is walking upon the earth without a sin - that he is walking upon the earth without a sin.

In another Hadith : If you have a difficulty in your life brother, if you have a difficulty in your life sister, if there is some sadness in your household, if you lost a child, if that child has been hurt, if there is a sickness in your family or whatever the case, whatever difficulty or trial, whatever problem you are going through, listen to the words of Messenger (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), it will make it clear. Listen to the words of Rasoolullah (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), it will cool your heart, it will take you to that which is right, it will correct you, it will guide you, it will increase your faith, and your patience: "There is no difficulty that happens to a Muslim except that Allaah removes a sin because of it even if a thorn pricks him and even to that degree." If Allaah removes to that degree what about some other sadness? Or some other loss or some other trial or some other difficulty?

Lastly Abu Huraira (radiyallaahu ‘anhu) that he heard the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and also Abu Said Al Khudri : ‘No pain, or sickness affects a believer. No tiredness (this is also sickness), or grief nor any worry except that Allaah removes from that person a sin because of it.

This should tell us to be patient. This should tell us that our pathways are not going to be full with rose petals and life is not always going to give you that which you want or think you deserve, that there are going to come down your way or into your life things that are sad, things that bring you grief, things that bring difficulty but your test is shown, your character is shown, whether you can weather the storm by being patient with the decree of Allaah, in praising Allah (subhana wa ta'ala), in hoping a reward from Allaah (subhana wa ta'ala), for no one can reward what Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) will give the person who has patience. Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) has granted it and he will grant it without calculation. Will grant it without it being something that we could calculate or imagine. So any difficulty brother reflect upon this issue that is khair (good) for you, is good for you, if you are a believer and if you are patient and if you praise Allah (subhana wa ta'ala) and it is a way to remove your sins and a way that you have no understanding of what Allaah ! (subhana wa ta'ala)! may be preparing you for a better station, a better status in the Hereafter that you would not have reached if He had left you in that state that you were in. But when he tested you, you were patient and therefore Insha-Allaahu wa ta'ala that position or that status will be there.

SubhaanAllah. May Allah ta'ala make us upon those who turn back to him in times of difficulty and may we be of those who have sabr in it. Aameen.


(I'm sure you know that the momment someone reverts to Islam, their sins are completely wiped away and they are as pure as the day they were born, so instead of the erasing of sins, there is a collection of good deeds.)

I do advise you to study it before you take it up. It is best to know exactly what you are getting into. To me it is the best way of life, but before you step into the Islam, know exactly how beautiful it is. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

[dr2005]

The biggest issue with Islam in current times - and historically one of the issues which has dogged it throughout its existence - is the fact that Western, Christio-centric societies (not even sure if that's a word but I'm going with it ) have never in my view fully understood what Islam is about. It's this lack of understanding which brings about fear of it, and fear underpins the majority of resentment and violence in human civilisation. Same goes with Islam - people don't understand it and feel afraid of that, don't like feeling afraid, and try to remove the source of the fear. The irony is based upon my own experience of Islam (I lived in Birmingham for 3 years, one of the most multicultural cities in Britain and with a significant Muslim population - there was a mosque around the corner from my house in 2nd year) it's actually not that different from Christianity or Judaism in its values, having come from the same Abrahamic background, and even where there are differences it doesn't stop its followers from being good people. A number of my friends at university were Muslims and they were all good people who chatted and joked about like anyone else. Yes, some people take it more seriously than others with things like the burkha, but to my mind it's along the same lines as someone going into a monastic order or nunnery and dressing accordingly. It's obviously different in a number of ways, but ignorance of the reasons behind it is one of the biggest problems.

But this is getting off the point...perhaps the best thing to do is to try and give your parents more information about Islam and help allay their concerns about it. A lot of misinformation is out there nowadays, with the Internet not especially helping in this regard, and if they were more aware of what Islam is actually about they'd probably be more reassured about it. Not all Muslims are radical fundamentalists, just as not all Christians are like the Westboro Baptist Church, and being Muslim doesn't mean you're accepting an inferior position either. One of my closest friends from uni is Muslim, and she's as independent and forthright in her opinions as anyone else and I sure as hell wouldn't cross her if she was having a bad day...

For the record, I'm a Catholic so I'm not speaking as an advocate of Islam in particular. I just feel Western society would do better if it actually understood it better rather than jumping to conclusions all the times. In any event, I hope that things improve with your parents on the subject of your planned conversion, and that things go smoothly from now onwards.

[TriBlox6432]

How about you try to live one week as a Muslim before you actually make the choice? As a former Muslim, I can guide you really well.

If you're female, start wearing Hijab right now. The only people that can see you without it are your parents, siblings, husband/wife, and children. Uncles and cousins can't see you without it. No one can.

Pray five times a day, on time. No procrastination. If you're at work/school tell your boss you need time to pray, perfectly on time. And do it right. Not like a Christian prayer, but you need to know how to do it right, otherwise Allah wont accept your prayer. And make sure to be in a state of ghusl/wudu.

Do not come onto TeenHelp or any forums for that matter. All they do is cause fitna and they are very Haram. Music is also haram, no music what so ever.

You cannot talk to anyone of the oposit sex other than those in your immediate family. If someone does try to talk to you (no matter how innocent) you must simply say "I cannot talk to you, sorry" and walk away.

Fast Mondays and Thursdays. Always. Not required in Islam, but it prepares you for Ramadan.

Pay 2.5% of your money to a local mosque.


Try this for a week, with no slip ups. If you can do it and still want to be muslim, let me know and I'll talk to you about it. As-salamu alaykum.

[TriBlox6432]

P.S. cut all ties with your "boyfriend"

Relationships are very haram. You can't have them. It's a sin.

And also, durring you week you can't eat pork, drink alcohol, or show any part of your body besides hands and face to others. Good luck. Wa alaykum as-salam

[peaceful_liberation]

Originally Posted by TriBlox6432

How about you try to live one week as a Muslim before you actually make the choice? As a former Muslim, I can guide you really well.

If you're female, start wearing Hijab right now. The only people that can see you without it are your parents, siblings, husband/wife, and children. Uncles and cousins can't see you without it. No one can.

Pray five times a day, on time. No procrastination. If you're at work/school tell your boss you need time to pray, perfectly on time. And do it right. Not like a Christian prayer, but you need to know how to do it right, otherwise Allah wont accept your prayer. And make sure to be in a state of ghusl/wudu.

Do not come onto TeenHelp or any forums for that matter. All they do is cause fitna and they are very Haram. Music is also haram, no music what so ever.

You cannot talk to anyone of the oposit sex other than those in your immediate family. If someone does try to talk to you (no matter how innocent) you must simply say "I cannot talk to you, sorry" and walk away.

Fast Mondays and Thursdays. Always. Not required in Islam, but it prepares you for Ramadan.

Pay 2.5% of your money to a local mosque.


Try this for a week, with no slip ups. If you can do it and still want to be muslim, let me know and I'll talk to you about it. As-salamu alaykum.

BismAllah Arhman Arham.
In the name of Allah the Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful.

I start with that, because my reply to you is completely for His sake, and not to argue with you, but to stand for His true word.

I must say that you have taken Islam to extreme. There is no compulsion in religion.

She will wear hijab when she is ready to, Allah judges all by actions by intentions. If she wears it out of compulsion and not satisfaction and content for the sake of Allah, Allah will know.

As a former Muslim, you have no right to 'guide' her to the ways of Islam. Leave that to the people who love their religion and actually follow it, we will guide her.

I will tell you КЄІІуs біяІ, because I am the Muslim here that prays five times a day, facing the Lord of the Universe, if you have questions on Islam, ask me, since I follow it every day.

Allah is Most-forgiving, Most-Merciful; He pledged "My mercy prevails over my wrath"
Yes prayer on time is the most beloved act to Allah.
Islam is way of life, reverting to is, is submitting to Allah, and having Him in your day at every interval.

There are so many content Muslim doing it every day, myself being one, it is in no way difficult, it is in fact a beloved part of my day.

And as a practicing Muslim who does not take things to extreme, I will tell you, it is the most beautiful, the most satisfying, the most wonderful gift I have ever been blessed with. Praying releases stress, helps you concentrate, brings you close to the Creator, and clears up your mind, helps you focus on the more important factor of life. No wonder it's there at these regular intervals.

Wudo is refreshing and hygienic, why there is such negativity towards it, i don't understand!

I don't know what Islam you were following, because that does not sound like the beautiful religion i follow. Please show me proof that forums are fitna or haram, because I can tell you with great confidence, that this is a point that you are mistaken in. I know my religion.

КЄІІуs біяІ, you may speak to the opposite gender.

TriBlox6432, bring me proof where it is forbidden.

Fasting Mondays and Thursdays is a sunna, a non-fraud act. It is optional, not mandatory. ( Fruad is those actions that one as a Muslim must do. Sunnas are extra, for more reward, more deeds.)

2% of your yearly income goes to charity, not the mosque. You can pay it to the needy yourself, or if the mosque is in charge of doing that, then good for you, they've saved you the trouble!

On top of the 2% you can pay whatever you want, whenever you want, and it is highly recommended, since Islam teaches sympathy to the hungry, and needy.

Keep 2% is not at all a high rate (just compare it to taxes!)

Islam is not so rigid; Allah knows what is in your heart, and what you try to do. Allah rewards you for your pure intentions, in fact if a Muslim even thinks of doing a good deed, they will be rewarded for it as if they did it, and if they do it, they will be rewarded a number times more.

Yes boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are haram, since ever act that leads to zina is forbidden. There is no worries, if your boyfriend is serious then he will marry you. In a while it protects girls from men that are disinterested in them, it protects us from men that would like to use us, then discard us, and just pass time. Take me seriously, or don’t take me at all.

Pork has been proven to cause many diseases, and so has alcohol. It's a great thing to be prevented from this. They are forbidden for obvious reasons.

Wear hijab when you are ready to.

TriBlox6432, if you are no longer Muslim, then why do you use the Muslim greeting?

[TriBlox6432]

Hijab IS required actually...

"Aisha (RA) reported that Asma the daughter of Abu Bakr (RA) came to the Messenger of Allah while wearing thin clothing. He approached her and said: 'O Asma’! When a girl reaches the menstrual age, it is not proper that anything should remain exposed except this and this. He pointed to the face and hands." [Abu Dawud]

Ibn Qudama in al-Mughni (1:349) explained that showing the face and hands are a specific dispensation within the general meaning of the hadith "All of the woman’s body is considered her nakedness [to those outside the mahram relationship or her husband]." (al-mar'atu `awra)

[TriBlox6432]

And talking to the opposite gender is haram.

The Messenger Muhammad (SAWS) said, “O women stay at the back of the masjid, Allah has sent you the Qur’an,”. He (SAWS) then recited from Surah Al Ahzab [EMQ 33:35], “For Muslim men and Muslim women, for believing men and believing women, for devoted men and devoted women...” The Sahaabiyaat (Muslim women) understood the command and after this Muslims practiced complete segregation between men and women in all spheres of their lives. The Messenger Muhammad (saw) said, “Allah has revealed an ayah which makes you two different entities”. The people realised that something major had happened. The circumstances of revelation of this ayah (i.e. its Asbab Al-Nuzoul) are Mutawaatir (have multiple identical narration’s).

And He (swt) says, [EMQ 33:36]:” it is not allowed for a believer man or women to have any choice when Allah and His Messenger decide a matter.”

[peaceful_liberation]

Originally Posted by TriBlox6432

Hijab IS required actually...

"Aisha (RA) reported that Asma the daughter of Abu Bakr (RA) came to the Messenger of Allah while wearing thin clothing. He approached her and said: 'O Asma’! When a girl reaches the menstrual age, it is not proper that anything should remain exposed except this and this. He pointed to the face and hands." [Abu Dawud]

Ibn Qudama in al-Mughni (1:349) explained that showing the face and hands are a specific dispensation within the general meaning of the hadith "All of the woman’s body is considered her nakedness [to those outside the mahram relationship or her husband]." (al-mar'atu `awra)

I did not say was not required. It is, but only when she is ready to do it. Otherwise then it is of no point, because her intention won't be for Allah.
As is everything in Islam, they are required, but if your not ready to do them, and you do them out of complusion, not out of your own intention to follow Islam and please Allah then it is of no use.
If that intention is not there, then your actions are just that, actions. Actions without a sincere intention are not rewardable, actions done for others beside Allah do not classify as a relgious act.

[peaceful_liberation]

Originally Posted by TriBlox6432

And talking to the opposite gender is haram.

I replied to this on the other thread.

Once again it is not haram.

I'm talking to you, and there is nothing haram in doing so.

[Jacksonian]

Originally Posted by КЄІІуs біяІ

I'm going to convert to Islam. I am so happy but my family isn't they're mad at me because of all they read on the 'so called' evils of Muslim life.They're on all the bad stuff they hear on the news my sister got into something about muslim men being mean to their daughters, and how bad she "read" it is. and i don;'t know if it's her feeding my mom these lies or what but it's bothersome. My 'boyfriend' is being drug into the mix as well. my mom's on the fact he's wanting to do it because she believes or read (don't know which) in Islam that women are beneith men.

so she thinks that he's doing it to feel superior over me or something. I don't know what to do or if this topic belongs in family instead. I'm just not sure if I should pick my family or religion.

Focus on one thing : Being a good person, then when you are reay to make a choice at least your character(which is the most important thing) will have developed in the right path.

[peaceful_liberation]

This is the first part of the misconceptions made about Islam. It may help you decide on converting, and it may show a perpective that some may not have been aware of.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVxDc...eature=related

[A.A]

i say go for it being a muslim is one of the best things ever. and only wear a hijab if you are ready for it,i myself am not ready to wear it so i have not yet. i have found out who i am , and am truly at peace with myself and with others,you can also find out alot more at your local mosque.good luck <3

[TriBlox6432]

Originally Posted by peaceful_liberation

I did not say was not required. It is, but only when she is ready to do it. Otherwise then it is of no point, because her intention won't be for Allah.
As is everything in Islam, they are required, but if your not ready to do them, and you do them out of complusion, not out of your own intention to follow Islam and please Allah then it is of no use.
If that intention is not there, then your actions are just that, actions. Actions without a sincere intention are not rewardable, actions done for others beside Allah do not classify as a relgious act.

I was told that it's better to do it grudgingly than to not wear it at all. Maybe it's just where I live....

That's kinda why I left Islam, you had no choice in anything and too many restrictions.

[SonicFan]

Aim to be a good person with kindness towards others, sensible fiscal policies and in general well-rounded. You can then cast aside the crutch of religion.

Many people in the West do not like Islam because we are at war with Islamic countries. Just today Muslims were on the street heckling our soldiers fighting in Afghanistan.

What's more Sharia law runs contrary to common sense, stoning a woman for adultery when she was raped?! What's more if you die a virgin you will be raped in the afterlife.

Why we fight: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...d_WTC_fire.jpg

[peaceful_liberation]

Originally Posted by TriBlox6432

I was told that it's better to do it grudgingly than to not wear it at all. Maybe it's just where I live....

That's kinda why I left Islam, you had no choice in anything and too many restrictions.

That disagrees with what I was taught.

Becoming Muslim doesnt mean taking up all of the requirements until you are burdened.

To be a Muslim, there is the requirment of the 6 articals of faith, and the five pillars of Islam. Fulfill those, and you ae automatically a Muslim, then comes the rest at your own personal pace.

[BeautyKills :O]

Hi Jennifer
I don't know if what I'm about to tell you will be much of a help.

I am a muslim (I know I haven't mentioned it on my profile only because I believe there's only one true God no matter what we may call Him or what religion we come from). If you want to convert to Islam, then that's good. But only convert if you really believe in the religion. Not because of your boyfriend. May I just clear that Islam does not say anything about men surpassing women (or vice versa). In Islam, men and women are both equal. They both have their roles in life. Women are assigned to keep her house clean and her family with happiness while the men are obliged to bring in the money for the family.

Think about it first before converting.
I suggest that you should look into the religion itself before converting and then maybe you could talk to your mom about it.

And can I just point out about what the news keeps hitting on muslim people?
Not all of us are terrorists or bad people. Some may be. But majority of the people are very nice. Did you ever heard of Osama Bin Laden? I suppose you did. Try to google "Tim Osman" or you could just click on this link: http://whatreallyhappened.com/WRHART...laden_cia.html

I don't know why or what the US has against muslim people but I know, for one, that we're good people. The middle east is almost as developed as America is. I still don't understand why there's a big discrimination between it.

Anyway, good luck!
Hope I helped!
*hug

[SonicFan]

Originally Posted by Nora

Hi Jennifer
I don't know if what I'm about to tell you will be much of a help.

I am a muslim (I know I haven't mentioned it on my profile only because I believe there's only one true God no matter what we may call Him or what religion we come from). If you want to convert to Islam, then that's good. But only convert if you really believe in the religion. Not because of your boyfriend. May I just clear that Islam does not say anything about men surpassing women (or vice versa). In Islam, men and women are both equal. They both have their roles in life. Women are assigned to keep her house clean and her family with happiness while the men are obliged to bring in the money for the family.

Think about it first before converting.
I suggest that you should look into the religion itself before converting and then maybe you could talk to your mom about it.

And can I just point out about what the news keeps hitting on muslim people?
Not all of us are terrorists or bad people. Some may be. But majority of the people are very nice. Did you ever heard of Osama Bin Laden? I suppose you did. Try to google "Tim Osman" or you could just click on this link: http://whatreallyhappened.com/WRHART...laden_cia.html

I don't know why or what the US has against muslim people but I know, for one, that we're good people. The middle east is almost as developed as America is. I still don't understand why there's a big discrimination between it.

Anyway, good luck!
Hope I helped!
*hug

Why did Sudan jail a teacher for naming a teddy bear Mohammed?
Why does the UAE deem kissing in public a criminal offence?
Why does the State execute people for "Crimes against Islam"?


Religion itself is a relic of the Middle Ages so any religious country must not be as advanced as a secular one.

[Pessimistic Panda]

i felt i needed to update and this conversation can be closed. My family has grown to accept me as much as possible. I'm now happily married, and feel that being a muslim and wearing a hijab have been great i feel proud.