Homosexuality, Religion, and Family.

[Laurasaurus]

First of all, I'm really sorry if this isn't in the right place. I wasn't sure whether to put it here or in the religion forum.

In late March, I came to terms with my homosexuality. I literally woke up one morning and realized what I had known for years upon years. In June, I even got a girlfriend. She's amazing, and my life has been so much better since all of this has happened.

My family is very religious and somewhat anti-gay. I was brought up thinking that homosexuality is wrong, immoral, perverted, disgusting, and a disgrace to God and my family. We have one relative that's also a lesbian, and nobody ever talks to her. She's shunned. I know it isn't wrong, but at the same time, I feel like it is. Being with my girlfriend feels so right, but it shouldn't. I shouldn't be a lesbian. That's not how I was raised. I'm supposed to be a good christian girl that gets married to a man in church, buys a house with a white picket fence, and has a few kids. I'm not supposed to be an agnostic lesbian with a girlfriend. This shouldn't even be an issue, but it is. I'm a disappointment to God (if He exists) and my family. I'm dreading the day that I have to come out. Sometimes I just want to force these feelings back down and try to be straight again. On a daily basis, I question whether or not I'm going to hell for being homosexual.

Is it wrong? Is it wrong of me to act on these feelings from a christian perspective (or any perspective at all)? Also, how can I deal with these feelings of inadequacy and wrongness? How do I deal with hating such a large part of myself?

[Adam the Fish]

Lorra,

First, before I end up trying to discredit religion completely, just think: ignoring religion, do you think it's wrong?
I don't, myself.

If there is a God, it's not the Christian one. There are too many contradictions for a start, but just take the fact that omnibenevolance is supposed to be important. How is sending you to Hell for a physical difference loving?

Think for yourself, and draw your own conclusions on the morality of homosexuality.
I know it's hard to forget what you were brought up with, and it will be harder telling your parents (but hopefully they'll see round religious prejudice), but it's what's right and that's what this is about.

Whether you want to believe in a deity or not, I don't think you're "wrong" for your sexuality, and if you truly think about the way you really feel about morality, I'm sure you'll seem something similar.

[Tigereyes]

First let me say that these are my beliefs and I'm not trying to force my beliefs on anyone. Also I don't claim to know everything, far from it, but I wanted to explain why I believe a few things.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with homosexuality, and I'm Christian too. This is how I look at it: no one chooses what their sexual orientation is- there's a part of your brain that determines what gender/s people are attracted to and you have no control over that. God created everyone, and that includes homosexuals, and He loves everyone.

Also, homosexuality isn't just in humans; it's in a lot of other species as well.

I should also mention that while I know there's a few parts in the Bible that say homosexuality is "an abomination", there's also a lot of other things that are considered an abomination in the same passages such as eating shrimp, eating a rabbit, planting two different seeds in the same hole, etc. Also, the Bible was written during a completely different time than today, so things were different. One passage said that homosexual acts were a sin because the people needed to populate.

The Bible was used to support slavery because people in the Bible owned slaves. It was also used as a way to prevent women's rights because the Bible says for women to obey their husbands, but no one sees women's rights as wrong anymore. So the context and time is very important.

I hope this helps some. I don't think what you're doing is wrong.

By the way, you might like the documentary called "For the Bible Tells Me So". It's all about homosexuality and religion.

[Lamia]

Lorra,

I know that I'm not the best person to talk to you about this, I haven't grown up in anywhere near the type of family and home life you have, Christianity and religion as a whole have a played a much smaller part in my life than they have in yours. So perhaps I can't say anything to make it feel better. But as your girlfriend, I feel like I should say something here, because I love you, and I want to support you and make you feel right and secure in all that you do.

I know I've mentioned it before, but even though I have no idea if there is or isn't a God, and honestly, I have no idea what comes after this life, I cannot, I absolutely CANNOT bring myself to believe in a Hell. How could a God, one who had created each and everyone one of us, and who loved us, how could that God condemn us to an eternity of punishment. How could any sin be so great as to deserve that? And even if, hypothetically, there were sins, such as murder and rape, that would fall under the category of "deserving" eternal punishment, how could that same punishment apply to love? How could loving someone be something that could condemn you to hell?

Jesus preached values of love and tolerance towards others, and I just cannot believe that he would make exceptions to that rule. I cannot believe that a God who is claimed to "love his children unconditionally" would condemn those same children to an eternity of suffering if they loved someone of the same gender. I honestly cannot believe that.

I guess my last piece of advice would be to think. That white picket fence, that man in a church. Does that feel any more "right" to you, personally, than this does?

I don't know if this helps, but I want you to know that I'm here for you, I love you, and I'm always willing to talk to you and figure things out.

Love,

Kat

[Jovial.]

Hey there Lorra,

For a long time I feared that liking girls was going to make me lower to god, and to my family and to those that cared about me the most. I learned a few things though. One that those that truly care about you. Are not going to care what gender you prefer. This includes family. I did a lot of digging with the bible when it came to sexual orientation, and I still don't have all the answers, hell I may not have any of the answers, but I am going to share with you what I think I discovered, and how I approached the topic. Take with it what you think is beneficial and leave the rest.

One thing that I considered was that god created all humans, yes? He loves them all too. So why would he have created something that he didn't love and approve of? He wouldn't have. People will argue that homosexuality is a choice and that god didn't create humans this way and that its a choice. I disagree. Do straight people wake up every day and make the conscious decision to like the opposite sex? I don't think so. So what makes people believe that homosexuals wake up every day deciding to like the same sex.

There is a verse in the bible and I am not sure what the actually verse number and everything is but it's something along the lines of you and your partner needing to be equally yolked. So think about it this way. If you and a man are not equally yolked and you marry one, then are you disobeying god? I think that the bible sort of runs based on how you interpret it.

I want to touch on what Kat said about how could loving someone be a sin. I don't think it can. If being with a girl is what feels right then go with that. Be who you want to be and who you feel most comfortable being with. Also good luck to you two ladies

Hope this helped!

[Maverick.]

Gay

G.God
A.Accepts
Y.You