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Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 10th 2011, 04:43 AM
I just want to get drunk and tell you everything. I just want you to be my best friend again. I dont know why Im wishing you could save me from killing myself.. If you only knew.
"It's all about where your mind's at" -Kelly Slater
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 11th 2011, 06:25 AM
what you said the other night kind of hurt. ut I think thats because its how I've been worried about making you feel. You confirmed my fears.
I don't know what to tell you I really don't. I don't even know what is going through my head...how am I suppose to explain it to you?
I'm extremely jealous of you.
You ALWAYS make me feel so awkward. I don't enjoy hangingout with you that much but I don't exactly want to be alone either. Being around you makes it feel like no matter what I do I'll never measure up. I'm not good at school. I'm not in pharmacy. I'm not the cool person. I'm always an outsider with you.
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 11th 2011, 01:14 PM
I'm tired of you letting me down. I'm tired of the fact that I can never rely on you; you always say you'll do something or come somewhere and then you change your mind. Is it me?? or is it a problem that you have with everybody??
Why did you suggest going to see that film when it turns out you 'promised your sister you'd go with her instead'?? In fact if we're going to get petty about it I remember you saying to me that you wanted to see it with me, back before New Year's. She's your sister, she sees you every day. I'm sure she can forgive you. This is more for me about how lonely I've been recently, how there IS no one to go to the cinema with because my friends just seem so crap recently. I told you that; surely you could make the effort for me??
You specifically said you were free on Tuesday and why didn't we go see this film together. You get my hopes up. And then it took until I texted you today for you to tell me that actually, maybe no.
You can't keep doing this to people. :/
Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 13th 2011, 04:47 AM
Daddy, please stay strong. Please dont tell me you have cancer again. We cant go through that another time. I love you. Keep your promise and tell me tomorrow that everything is okay.
"It's all about where your mind's at" -Kelly Slater
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 13th 2011, 05:41 AM
Forgive me for not talking with you since the first day we met. Your HUGE group of friends being around us and whoring for your attention just simply overwhelmed me and I felt uncomfortable, so I strayed away. Please don't think I hated you because I wouldn't talk or look at you when we crossed paths, I get nervous whenever I felt that you were around. Quite frankly, I feel inadequate and fear rejection. Confessing that you're strongly attracted to someone by an "outside" force, or whichever you want to call it, isn't really within my comfort zone.
Now, we're finally talking since we met, and I mustered up the courage to sit next to you in class... I'm Matt, what's your name?
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 13th 2011, 08:08 PM
You say that everything changed between when you told me and now but nothing changed for me. You still think you're my best friend and I just have a crush on him but he's my best friend because he's always been there for me, every time you've let me down. He may have lied about stuff to you, so you can't trust him any more, but you forget, he never lied to me.
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 13th 2011, 08:16 PM
Dear G.,
Yeah, I know I was extremely rude and mean to you that day. But that was just pay-back for all the mental harm you caused me. Anyways, I am over it. Can we start over again with a fresh slate?
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 15th 2011, 03:42 PM
Dear you,
I said my apologies. To put the pressures of my shit on you was unfair. And now I realize that. Yesterday I opened my eyes to see what I was putting you through. I didnt understand how you couldnt just be there for me or say the right thing that I needed to hear. A part of me still doesnt understand because thats what friends are for. You are supposed to listen me when I need to talk, you are supposed to hug me when I need a shoulder to cry on, you are supposed to tell me everything is okay even when I dont believe so. In the long run all I needed from you was support. Some kind of reassurance that I can change my old ways, that I do have something to live for. Because honestly, lately I cant seem to find that within me. I texted you last night because I really reflected on our friendship over the past couple of months. I see how different we are, from the big things down to the little ones. And dont get me wrong, I totally respect that. I understand that you have been through basically nothing close to what I have been through in my life and maybe thats the problem. Maybe you cant put yourself in my shoes for a day and thats what is tearing us apart. Close your eyes and try to imagine what I have been through. You cant do it, you can not feel the pain of every shitty thing in my life. Most days its the hard things that I have overcome that make me a stronger person, but some days I am just weak. I cant stop blaming myself. And its those days that I need you most, to not throw my own shit back in my face. Maybe this sounds ridiculous or needy but the truth of the matter is if you were in my place I would stop my life to help you. I would be there for you every single night you had flashbacks or bad dreams without fear of you making me depressed. But thats just the kind of person I am and you know that. Or maybe thats just what best friends do. I dont want us coming to an end because we cant work out our differences, thats just pathetic. I apologized last night because I have truly realized things. But for you to tell me theres still that brick wall between us but you cant talk about it kills me. Obviously holding shit in only makes us worse at this point. You told me you needed time.. Time from what? Being my best friend? Okay, take it. That just puts up a bigger wall between me and you. The last text I sent you last night was pretty shitty. I didnt expect you to respond but at that point that was basically my goodbye. I have asked a lot of you and expected you to help just like everyone else has in my life. You just have your own way of helping me and I havent thanked you enough for that. Every second we were together or talking made me put the past behind me, made me realize I dont have to be afraid of the dark. But right now Im afraid of today. Im afraid of tomorrow and the days to come. Just know if anything happens, you did your very best. Just because you cant be there in ways I need you to be, just because you cant stay with me until I fall asleep at night, just because you cant relate to my life doesnt mean your best wasnt enough. It was. And now that Im on my own trying to help myself, it was because of you. And thank you because no one has given me that. Maybe tonight I can fall fast asleep in the dark and wake up not afraid to take on the day, the days, the years. But in case I cant, just know it wasnt because of you. Because you I am a new person, for better or for worse. And through every up and down, you have always been my best friend. Hopefully one day youll read this, understand and maybe even write back. But right now Im saying sorry one last time and my goodbye to you. Whatever happens I wont be afraid. Thank you for everything. I love you Jul. One day things will all be okay. I promise.
"It's all about where your mind's at" -Kelly Slater
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 16th 2011, 01:17 AM
This sounds way too sad to ever say out loud..but I want us to be friends. I find it really flattering that you always seem to want to chat to me on facebook even if it's mostly about Italian and I feel bad that I didn't do too badly in that particular module and you didn't do amazingly...but I think you're really nice and I'd love to get to know you better. (:
I want you guys to accept me as part of you...even if I only have one class this semester. You guys don't seem very welcoming to new people..but I feel if I could break down that barrier I'd love to friends with you
Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 16th 2011, 03:33 AM
I was wrong. I messed up an amazing thing we had. It took me too long to realize this and now i've lost you to someone else. I love you and I hope you can find in your heart to forgive me and maybe even come back...
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 16th 2011, 03:41 PM
I just remembered there a post you made several years ago which mentioned your baby sister, who was twelve, and I remember it because my little brother was twelve at the time too. (So I mustn't have been on TH that long at the time ) She would be sixteen now. It struck me when I remember because for the past...almost three years she's had to grow up without her older sister. And I felt annoyed at you for that; even though I hardly knew you; even though al we wanted was to help you and you were going through a really rough time.....but I felt annoyed at you for killing yourself and leaving that girl without an older sister. It reminds me that suicide is selfish, which was one of the things that kept me holding on back a few years ago when things were tough. I miss seeing you around the forums, reading your inspiring posts. I always valued your opinion and iit was flattering if you replied to one of my threads. You were such a huge inspiration and I wish you hadn't gone, it's such a waste of a fantastic person.
R.I.P.
Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 19th 2011, 02:42 PM
See? See what you two drinking has done? I almost got taken away. You say it won't ever happen again, that you won't ever allow alchohol in the house anymore, but I know better.
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 19th 2011, 04:28 PM
It's half five and you still haven't texted me about meeting up tonight... and you're not replying to my text either. I'm hurt and confused and pretty pissed off..and also starting to get worried because that's not like you. I can't shake the feeling that you're pissed off at me. Is there something I did last night?? Did someone tell you something about me that you took the wrong way?? I can't figure out why you're being like this. Maybe you're not pissed off at me, but that wouldn't explain the shortness on chat and in that text and the fact that you're not replying now even though we usually meet at seven. Also I asked you if you were annoyed at me and you said no...surely if it was that bad you would have said something?? I'm just getting more and more anxious about this. What's going on?? Could you please just talk to me... :/
Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 19th 2011, 04:56 PM
And I always end up feeling like such a bitch after I've let you know I'm annoyed at you...I don't even really have a reason to be annoyed at you anymore, it just bothers me that you get quiet about stuff sometimes and saying vague stuff about last night like 'I was annoyed at some people and disappointed stuff didn't happen..'and how weird you were earlier and how you didn't text about meeting up. It's just irritating. But you sounded a bit crushed when you called me just there and I was horribly distant to you, and now I want to cry because I love you and I don't deserve you putting up with my bitchy moods and I hate the thought of you being anything less than perfectly happy, especially if it's because of me.
Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 19th 2011, 08:56 PM
Douche bag who sits behind me,
please stop poking me, and commenting on things that dont concern you, i know you dont like me, but i havnt done anything, so you're pathetic. Stop being a dick, you're not cool because of it.
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 20th 2011, 04:55 AM
I wish that you could except me the way that I am and stop seeing it as a phase and just brushing it off as nothing well you know what it's not and this will not go away once my puberty does finally stop you saying stuff llike that to me makes me feel like I'm such an idot or a hyprocite. The sad thing is no matter how many times I try to attempt to explain this your still going to see it as a phase that I'll grow out of . If you really knew your kid you'd know that he can't stand leaving things unansewred and put into some fucking file cabinet and labelled classified or that I dont fit the norm now nor did I back then. SO WHY WOULD YOU PUT ME UNDER THE CATEGORY OF EVERY GIRL GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING AS I AM WHEN THATS COMPLETE BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW! CANT YOU AT LEAST TRY TO ACCEPT ME?
my name is implusive, stubborn as a mule, funny, awesome, risk taker, random, dude whats yours?
Last edited by allyouneedislove; January 20th 2011 at 05:03 AM.
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
January 20th 2011, 01:50 PM
Sometimes I think I love you most when we're making up after a fight. I was so angry at you yesterday and I knew you were pissed at me. I love that we could talk about it and I love all the things we said to each other at the end of the night (albeit drunkenly and emotionally.) I love that I can see where you were coming from and that you could admit that you were wrong and also the whole reason why you were angry at me does actually mean a lot to me, ironic as that sounds. (: I love us.
Honey, you're familiar, like my mirror, years ago
.....
I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door