Say something you wish you could say to their face.

I just found the card you wrote me for my birthday. I’m sorry we won’t be celebrating any more together.

do you still love me? as much as it hurts, I still love you.

[Kate*]

How about we make a deal, I won't bring it up if you don't. I've been in survival mode and as part of the healing process, have decided that I change for no one. I didn't want you to be shocked and blurt something out. We'll see if you can keep the agreement 7 months from now.

I REALLY hope that wasn't about me. You made an obvious point about walking away to talk to him and I'm very close to my 90 days. You are my co worker, not my boss. You only tell me what to do because you are the main person and have been there longer Don't overstep. Let the managers handle issues with me. Talk to me before you talk about me, or stay out of it.

When you asked my age, I said 29, not 9. Just because my mom had to take me because my disability means I can't drive, doesn't mean you need to discuss my appointment with her like I were still a child!

[Calaer]

I love you, and I'm so thankful I can count on you to help me through all the things I have to deal with. You're such an amazing person, and I'm truly so glad I have you in my life.

You only give me one hour.

What am I supposed to do with the other hundred sixty-seven?

[London_grace]

Everything is getting too me and making me upset.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I am scared and I don't want to feel like this because of the two things that have happened. I don't want to tell you that I am feeling like this because I am going to upset you and that is why I have just been keeping it to myself for a while and I need to find a way to make it so that I am not scared anymore. When we all went to the ballet last week I kept looking around to make sure that everything was ok and no one was going to come in and hurt us. And I don't mean to feel like this, come on E, you need to pull yourself together and be ok. I don't want to have fear ruling my life, I don't mean to feel like this. I have to find something to take this pain that I am feeling away and I need it to go away fast. Because on Thanksgiving we are going to see another show and I don't want to still feel like this, and I want to have an amazing time with my family.

I’m drunk because I was thinking about you, and now that I’m drunk, I’m thinking about you. Here I amc such a cliche, playing love songs on my acoustic guitar while thinking about the boy that stole my heart. But at least I no longer believe you’re in love with me. I️ don’t know if it’s better or worse, but it’s something.

I remember playing “Because if You” by Kelly Clarkson for you one night. You promised I’d never sing that song about you. Well, what a change in plans. Screw you

Geez, why don’t you twist the knife a little more?

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm praying that you are not always going to be in the wheelchair forever.

[Calaer]

I do love you, and I truly hope that you are able get the help you need and to move past all these things that have you tied down.

No one made me eat today, so I ended up eating almost nothing. Sorry.

You asked me how I lost the weight; I told you healthy eating and exercise. What else was I supposed to say? I’m not planting ideas in your head or allowing you to think that starving yourself is an okay way to “diet.” I’m fading away, but you don’t have to.

[Calaer]

You just aren't the same person that you used to be. Honestly, it's so disappointing. I thought that you were better than this, and I truly had high hopes for your future. Sadly, I was mistaken.

[Kate*]

We'll probably have to get into that, maybe you can help me figure it out, but I think I know.

I wish I knew where you stand, but I'm not going to push it. This is one of the most natural relationships I've had, so I'm just going to go with it.

[Calaer]

I hate how you treat your family. You don't deserve them at all. You don't deserve the things they do for you, and I hope that you suffer the way you deserve to suffer.

[Kate*]

I don't want Thanksgiving. I get 2 days off in a row for the first time in weeks while dealing with holiday rush. I don't want to spend them listening to her throw a f ing tantrum!

“I wish I had that big of a problem! Rather, that’s tiny of a problem! Haha!” was not an appropriate response to me being distraught over that size not fitting. That size DID fit me not too long ago, and the fact that it’s too big now scares me because I don’t think I look different. I’m past the point of wanting to lose weight. I’m afraid to lose anymore. I’m not far from becoming underweight and I don’t want this to get that far but I can’t eat.

[Calaer]

I'm so thankful for you, and for all you do for me.

[Kate*]

You're lucky you rethought that and regained your people skills. Just because I was being a good employee and haven't requested off, doesn't mean I don't know how!

I'm pretty sure you can tell by now, but it's still no excuse. I started first, don't assume I don't know. It's not my fault if you move crap when I'm not there.

This week is already hard for me, can we please stop talking about diets? I’ve been avoiding the scale since dinner, but I know I need to weigh in before I go to bed. And then I won’t be able to sleep because I already know what it’s going to say.

I hope this date goes well. If I stumble over myself I'm sorry; it's just we get on so well through text and I really want to get on well in person. I get nervous, though, so please be patient. Thank you.

[Kate*]

Tell me you were kidding... 90 minutes and 2 buses each way with a risk of getting lost in a dangerous area, or you can drive me 30 minutes each way. Which do you think is better? I know it sucks, but you have to get up and drive me either way, so we may as well be safe about it and use common sense!

[yk122302]

I do not like you I only respond to you because I am scared of being rude

Stop. Making. A. Joke. About. My. Eating. Disorder.

I am not doing this for attention. I am not vainly attempting to lose weight so I can look good for some guy. I'm not a stereotype. I'm your friend, and I'm hurting. I never told you about the eating disorder, but you figured it out. Or at least, I think that you have. Off-handed comments like the one you made today makes me certain that you know, but you don't care. You recognize that I don't eat, you recognize that I'm insecure; you know that I'm always tired and cold and I'm increasingly irritable. You spend entire days with me, and you know I'm lying when I tell you I've eaten. You know how much weight I've lost. You know there's something wrong so please just say it.

A lot of the comments you are making trivializes the eating disorder. I'm struggling to see it as a problem, and your behavior toward it is only making things harder for me. I love you dearly, you're one of my best friends. But I can't stand you doing this to me. I don't have the words, or the courage, to tell you what's going on. Please, just say something. I'm terrified of you knowing, but I know that once you know the truth, I have to move forward toward recovery. I don't have another option. Recovery has to happen, or I'm going to die. I can't do this on my own, but I'm too afraid to tell anyone.

Please, just say it. You're allowed to ask me, but please stop making it into a joke.

I want to hate you, but I don’t. After everything that happened, I still love you.

[Kate*]

I know you want 3 weeks notice for schedule changes or days off and I only gave you 2, but it's not my fault I got jury duty and you were off yesterday, so I couldn't tell you until tonight and it's not my fault that we can't request them ourselves right now. My other option was to wait for you to post the schedule, then ask a favor, and probably need an override to punch in and out! Would that have been better?! I've been there 4 months, I've never called off, and I only asked for schedule changes for random shifts you said I could ignore, or things I had scheduled because I'm trying to have a life! It's not like I do this to you every 5 minutes!

[Calaer]

I love you, and I'm worried about you. I wish you could get the help you need. I want you around to watch Ava grow up.

[Storyteller.]

I'm pretty sure you've forgotten, but I'm not sure whether I'm relieved or disappointed.

[Kate*]

I know that you're in pain and need surgery, I want you to feel better and not push yourself and do what you need to do, but I rescheduled my appointment and went through the trouble of having my work schedule changed so I could make it, and 2 days later you CANCELLED it (again)! I'm trying to heal and work at the same time here, why the F*** is that so hard!?

[Kate*]

Your ignorance and entitlement offend me, but it isn't worth my energy, and the reasons why are none of your business.

I wish I could be angry at you, but even when I’m drunk, I forgive you. Being angry would be easier. You had no right to yell at me like you did. You had no right to say that shit to me. I’m not responding to your text because I’m still in love with you as I don’t trust myself to communicate with you yet. Maybe ever. I don’t kmow.

I’ve gotten drunk a lot since the breakup. I should probably tell my therapist, but I’m enough of a screwup as it is. Underage drinking is not another layer I need to add.

You tried to ruin this day for me, but I decided I would enjoy myself. As my eating disorder fought me on the ice cream, I reminded myself that you were already trying to make the day horrible, the anorexic thoughts didn’t need to join. I ate the damn ice cream (and I’m panicking now, but I ate it). You wanted to propose to me on this day, and instead of being upset, I was glad we’re not together anymore. Your plans for proposing, while sweet, are bullshit. You wanted to take a day so special to me, a day you never had any part of and has no significance to us as a couple, and make it about us. You wanted to take memories that are special to me because of my childhood, memories you never shared with me, and make them about us. This day holds no significance for you, that place holds no significance to you. A majority of my happiest, childhood memories come from here. You never shared it with me, and you wanted to take advantage of my childhood. I don’t quite have the words to articulate it, but it seems shitty to me. You should have planned to propose in a place or a day that was special to us, not special to me. But it’s a moot point because we’re over.

My therapist was surprised when I said that so finally. She’s used to me saying “I don’t know” to everything, and my perspective on this relationship seems so final. I don’t want to get back together. I still love you, I’m still in love with you. Everything still hurts, but our relationship hurt more. And that’s not what love is supposed to be.

[Kate*]

I say I'm okay if you don't answer, I just wish I could mean it. It shouldn't matter, but it does, mostly because you always have.

I know the real reasons it takes a while or doesn't happen, but as much as I still respect you, part of me hopes part of it is that the reality I live with because of you provided a painful slap in the face.

[Virgil]

F**k all of you for expecting me to be the sanest person in the house.

[Starseeker]

Shit. I know you don't find me attractive. Not only physically. If you did, you would try to stay in touch, wouldn't you? Yet every single time you say something to me I feel like 'maybe there actually is something going on'. But shit, there is fucking not.

I needed you to say something when I stopped eating, but you didn't. Skipped meals weren't questioned, weight loss wasn't noticed, and too-big clothes were ignored. Everyone around us saw the intense weight loss, so why didn't you? I can't believe that you didn't recognize I was relapsing, but the other option is that you didn't care. Caught between a rock and a hard place, and I'm not sure what hurts more.

I went back to therapy, but that wasn't your doing. You encouraged it, but I'm the one that has to walk through those doors every week. I'm the one that has to feel every emotion and unlock every painful memory that convinced me self-starvation is easier than feeling the pain of whatever happened to me. In therapy, I realized our relationship was failing. I think I knew that already, I just wasn't ready to admit to it. How can you acknowledge that the man you're in love with is changing you into a person you can't recognize? When we were together, I based my entire identity in being your girlfriend. The relapse was triggered by an incident that made me feel more inadequate than I already did - an incident that could have been avoided if you controlled your anger. I made a mistake that day, I messed up, I get it, but you had no right to react physically to my slip-up. It didn't hurt, it didn't bruise, but it scared me. It scared me enough to the point that I stopped eating to cope, and I lost over X lbs in two months. It took me almost three months post-breakup to tell you what triggered the relapse, and you accused me of labeling you as abusive. I don't, and I never will. One incident raises red flags, but it's not abuse, and I will never call it that.

I wasn't the perfect girlfriend, and I won't pretend that I was. I made a lot of mistakes, I didn't say a lot of things that needed to be said. In all reality, I was not ready for a relationship, not one as serious as we both wanted. I'm sorry for that; I really, truly am. I'm sorry that you can't cash in the plans we made together, the plans that I wanted to back out of, but couldn't find the words to tell you. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much in the breakup, I'm sorry I didn't give you the answers you needed because I was afraid of your reaction. I'm mature, but not mature enough for a serious and long-term relationship.

But you aren't ready either. You didn't listen to me, and you continue to not listen. You only hear what you want to hear, not what is actually being said. We fell in love too quickly, and now we're both feeling the pain of love that we long for, but cannot have. You think we could still work, but I'm not that naive. We can't put this enmity behind us, neither of us are so good of people to do that. I'm not mad at you, just incredibly hurt.

You said that I've been cold, but I cannot, and will not, set myself on fire to keep you warm.

I want this to be it. I wanted it to be it when you walked into that room and started yelling at me (my therapist was concerned for my safety when I told her about that incident), and I thought that it would be. I thought you yelling "Never talk to me again" and slamming the door would finally be the end of the fighting (and the end of our relationship). Then you texted me, trying to apologize. Again, I wasn't mad, just incredibly hurt. That's why I never responded.

I'm still in love with you, but I'm standing by my decision to breakup. A healthy relationship doesn't trigger a relapse, and then never say anything about it. A healthy relationship doesn't leave one half of it afraid to change plans. A healthy relationship doesn't make one party constantly feel horrible (I played an equal role in this, and I'm so sorry for that). We love each other, but we are toxic for one another.

Thank you for the eight months that we shared, and I'm sorry that it couldn't have been more. I wish you all the happiness, love, and laughter in the world. I hope that you get the help that you need, and I hope you know that I'm getting the help I need. You're always going to hold a special place in my heart - you were (are) my first love. We both learned from our relationship, and I pray that these lessons stay with you.

You deserve a woman that is capable of loving herself. You deserve a woman that is capable of taking care of herself. You deserve a woman that doesn't have the marked past that I do, a woman that can freely give of herself and be fearless in her pursuit of you. You deserve a woman that has real confidence, not the quasi-confidence I show. You deserve a woman that is so much more than what I am.

And until I am capable of being such a woman, I will not be pursuing any romantic relationships. I'm sorry that my eating disorder, depression, and anxiety hurt you - but honey, they hurt me a hell of a lot more. I'm finally learning to put myself first.

We had the right love, but at the wrong time. I'm sorry.

I wish you could see that you deserve someone so much better than me. You deserve someone that isn't so terrified of everything. I am terrified of losing you. Terrified I am making a mistake. Terrified you are going to leave me. Terrified that this life we are planning isn't going to work out. Life is so fucking unpredictable and I get that. I really do but all I want to do is run away to prevent myself from being destroyed. In the process of trying to figure out how to cope I feel like I am going to destroy you.

[Kate*]

Please don't cancel. I wouldn't blame you, but I haven't seen you in forever because I just can't get in, and I see you for a reason.

[Calaer]

I wish that you were a part of this family this holiday season. Honestly. I do miss you sometimes, but I understand we can't all be a functioning member of society, and are forced to be a horrid monster apparently.

[Kate*]

You may have done what you felt like you had to do, but you sure as hell didn't have to do it like that! This is why I believe in God given karma. I'll let him deal with you.