Say something you wish you could say to their face.

[Everglow.]

I love you.

Do you remember when I was a little girl, probably only five years old, and was afraid of the monsters? Instead of telling me monsters didn't exist, you promised me that if a monster ever tried to get me that you would fight it off. You promised me that you were bigger and stronger than any monster.

I believed you completely, I wasn't afraid of the monsters anymore because if they came around they'd have to deal with my big sister.

I still believe you. I still believe that if anything were to happen to me, you'd fight the monsters and wouldn't give up until you win. I need help fighting these monsters right now. I need my big sister now more than I did when I was 5.

[eeba]

Why are you so sweet to me after all that I've put you through?
I don't deserve it.
But having you in my life is one of the best things that's ever happened to me and I'm sorry I've been so shitty to you.
I really do care about you, more than words can say.

[xxpaigiexx]

I never knew it was possible to love and hate someone at the same time. I didn't know I could feel so much resentment for one person. My mum allowing you into our home was the biggest mistake she could have ever made. You constantly cause arguments within our home. I'm scared your presence is going to cost my parents their marriage, that is how much trouble you cause. You think of no one but yourself. You have the cheek to use everything in the house, and don't even have the decency to go out and replace things, so when people come home from work there's no bread in the house. I come home and the back door is unlocked and you're no where in sight. You leave windows open. You feed my dogs crap. You think everything is for you, I noticed who ate my chocolate when you brought all your rubbish down from your room. It's petty but it matters. You could have had some, but you didn't have to eat the entire thing. It's a constant battle. You've made my fiancé feel uncomfortable in a place that should be like his own home. You've made my dad's friends feel uncomfortable when they have come to fix things around the house. But the biggest insult to date, you've made snide comments about doing everything around the house, you do nothing. Everything is done for you, you don't even have the decency to make dinner every once in a while. You have the most time on your hands. You contribute NOTHING. I spent half my time bleaching the bathroom because you can't even clean up after yourself. Pubic hairs everywhere, you shave right by the sink and can't even clean it. I'm sick and I'm tired and I don't know how much longer I can go on living in this house. You don't even give my mum anything for you being here, and yet since you've been here I've started paying more because my mum can't afford to keep you for nothing. The horrible thing is, she won't kick you out, she won't ask you to leave. She always feels like she needs to protect you. She always defends you. She always asks how I would feel in her position and what would I do. Chuck you out, get rid of you, that's what I'd do. Or better yet, not have let come in the first place. She's gone past helping you. You're never going to get a better job, or get a deposit together, because you know that she won't ask you to go.
Well she might not, but if things keep going the way they are my dad just might. If I was to tell him HALF the stuff that happens in this house, then you would be gone in a flash.

Just because I smile and laugh with you doesn't mean I don't see. I see how you manipulate other people. I've seen you disrespect my family and my home, and I deal with it every day. Somehow. I'm a nervous wreck because you don't make it feel like my home anymore. You were speaking to someone in MY garden, and when I come out to get some washing you had the audacity to come into the house and close the door so I couldn't hear your conversation. I couldn't care less about what you were talking about. I will never allow you to make me feel like parts of my home are out of bounds to me. Believe you me, I won't.

You might be family. But blood isn't always thicker than water.

[Kate*]

You're damn right I resisted untrue, unfair, and rudely delivered character judgments disguised as "feedback." while being told I had no right to defend myself. Then you used the excuse of not knowing how to tell me to ruin my life while you bragged about decades worth of training in EXACTLY how to do it. If that's your excuse, I'm not the only one who doesn't belong there and if you intended for any part of that to be constructive, you failed miserably because it destroyed me instead.

Your ignorance only proves that you've never suffered from it. You're obviously arrogant too. The sad part is that tons of people in that same situation agree with you.

It's obvious to me that they've gotten to you. If you wouldn't tell a client that "your bad day is your fault", you might not want to post it on the Internet.

Instead of insisting that "That's just how it is" and "You can't change the system." Why don't you ask why, and why don't you do it?

I've had proof through EVERYTHING that you've been here. I HAVE to believe that you know what you're doing, but I'm still human and you know I don't like it.

Yet preschool was too expensive...

"Everyone is responsible for their own behavior, but it's your fault that I'm insulting you right now." I don't think it works that way, but I guess that's how you operate the thing I so desperately wanted to be a part of. There's a reason what I went through made sense to literally NO ONE. I'm destined for suicide and that will be your fault because I gave up after the damage you did. But, you'll probably blame it on me.

That was the third time this week you went out of your way to approach me. My heart about stopped when you ran out to talk to me. So many women are interested in you and I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I am. You're everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend. You meet all my non-negotiable expectations and even the stupid ones that don't really matter. I fell for you in seventh grade and I'm falling for you again. Please let something come out of this.

[Calaer]

I don't trust you, and It breaks my heart that she does. I know you're only using her. I just wish she saw the truth.

[Nerdy&Struggling141]

You bullied me in the worst way possible. You did something so insignificant yet so strange, that what happened isn't what I had issue with. It was the constant thought and paranoia and that I couldn't convince myself I had been bullied, you put me through years of psychological torment for you and your friends to have a laugh at my expense. I still can't convince myself 100% that what you did was bullying me, and I doubt I ever will. Thanks a million.

[eeba]

The day you came over last year, walking down my street next to you made me feel so proud.

Thank you.

[eeba]

Despite how it might look, I never just wanted someone. I wanted you.

But I guess it doesn't really matter anyway because you never loved me the way I loved you. I have nothing to complain about though because you've been nothing but the sweetest friend to me since day 1.

[fairyviolet75]

You're amazing. You cared when no one else did, even when I pretended to hate you...and still am. Sometimes I think I will never have the confidence to admit that I still care.
But I'm afraid of being hurt, clingy, needy, even attached to something to slightest. My feelings play tricks on me. I was always more sensitive that you, you'll just think I'm being stupid.
And so what? You're not even mine. No, you have others...and I can't stop the jealousy from posioning me again...as much as I'm supposed to be angry at you.

Can't you see?? I'm only angry because I am needy!!

_ _ _ _ _ I really miss you...please I can't stand seeing you even talking to other people...

[nothereanymore]

Told myself I wouldn't let you call me back to be your fuckbuddy again but WHAT AM I DOING

[Kate*]

I'm not sending you what I currently have, but that doesn't mean I'm sugar-coating my reality for your benefit either. I'm sincere when I say I don't want to only update you with depressing crap, but sometimes things and people are never okay again. She essentially called me a sociopath to my face. I'm not sure one can get over that, especially considering that it wasn't even almost true and who said it. I'm not a sociopath, and I do not have a personality disorder, but thanks for ruining (only) my life on both assumptions, while claiming not to assume either.

I will not use you for this. Even if you still care (which I doubt), there's nothing you can do and if I ended up actually needing something in 10 years you wouldn't be able to do that either.

[beautiful_mystery]

You're no better than me. I'm not a freak. I'm a person. We aren't that different.

[Everglow.]

Tomorrow we'll give you rest. It's been such a long two months, you've been through so much and now you're at peace, we can give you comfort with your mum and dad. I hope what everyone says is true, that you are with them and that you're ok.
Rest in Peace, nana. I love you. I miss you.

[Elision]

Say what you want about me i dont give a damn, to my face or subtley (although that is just pathetic) but don't you dare fucking insult my mom. What gives you the right. She has been nothin but kind and hospitable and you can't even be fucking civil. GROW UP

[Calaer]

It's such a shame that you'll never have to suffer through your consequences, but your infant children do.

[Kate*]

I think at least a few of you meant well and intended for your words to help, not hurt. However, four things: They ended up causing me serious psychological damage. You are mental health professionals and brag about how much training you have in how to have those difficult conversations without destroying people. Please do so in the future. I will never regret standing up for myself. The reasons you gave me made ZERO sense, and the fact that I confronted you did NOT make your behavior my fault. I still believe your prgram in particular is a corrupted mess, since I've seen first- hand what you get away with and some of it is ILLEGAL and you still got away with it. I don't know how you have such an amazing track record. Maybe because you force out and discredit those with a backbone to avoid accountability while convincing said people that it's legal, and their fault so they'll keep their mouth shut. I wish I had the options you claim and relief of the debt, though. This turned out worse than my worst nightmare, so far I've been right about everything, and I feel exploited. You took advantage of me and then discarded me like I was worthless while claiming to care, in part because I refused to let you get away with treating me like s*** for no reason. I think the profession as a whole needs some serious work. I went after my dream, it turned into a nightmare, and my life was ruined. I'll let KARMA take care of it now.

[eeba]

Why haven't you called me?
I don't blame you, I just hate not knowing why because I am assuming the worst, which is that I said something that upset you and now you don't want to talk to me again, and if that's true I am so sorry.

Thank you for inviting me tonight, you have no idea how much I needed community today. I needed to be surrounded by people like you and have the chance to let my guard down. Thank you so much for inviting me to join you and for going out of your way to make me feel welcome.

[Kate*]

Just because I understand why you did it, doesn't mean it didn't hurt. I trusted you and you lied in front of witnesses and then turned on me, and you were one of the few I didn't think would do that. If you wanted to help, you should've. If you didn't want to help you shouldn't have offered. If you offered and then it was over your head or you changed your mind, you should've said so; like I said, I understand why. Instead, you offered, in front of three other people (who also thought you were serious and couldn't believe you turned on me like that because it's so unlike you), then changed your mind, but said that you "didn't actually mean" it. If you change your mind, you say you changed your mind, not that the legitimate offer wasn't originally legitimate. And, this was not only an example of why I don't trust people, but another case of their/your behavior being blamed on me. You didn't change your mind for good reason, I misunderstood. Don't place blame where it doesn't belong.

"Nah, that doesn't really happen." I'm living it sweetie, yes it does.

I still want to tell you things, but I don't think I NEED it like I used to. I see all the changes happened. Part of me hopes that means better oversight and less control for all of you, but I know better. I want to believe his leaving had to do with what happened to me, but I don't think it did. I now the changes were a long time in coming, but I hope you learned something from what happened to me. I don't think I'll ever know where responsibility for my situation really lies. I know I definitely wasn't perfect, I know that was part of it, and I know you screwed me many times whether you admit it or not. I hope for the sake of the future you are less of a corrupted mess now. The fact that I have an idea of the truth brings me some comfort. I wonder if I actually was the longest dismissal process in your history or if it was because of the break and she said that to make me think otherwise. I also think it's weird, but I'm grateful, that the "last straw" didn't come up.

I know I asked you to keep me accountable but please don't. I changed my mind. I don't want to do this anymore.

[Clarent]

Really wish you had more time for me. I know you've got your own life and all, but lately I feel I'm moving away from you...

[eeba]

I think a part of me was always secretly hoping that you were gay so I could avoid the truth that you just didn't love me.
But why would you anyway, there's nothing to love.

[Kate*]

I realized I hadn't talked to you in almost 6 months, then I remembered why. I know it hurts you that I never call, but if you listened when I told you why a thousand times, you'd understand. I'm going through enough right now. I can't handle your judgement too.

Thanks for offering me help at all. Sorry I ran you over time by so much. I have to start telling people to shut me up and remember that your loyalty is to the current students, not to me anymore.

I'm taking the steps to get better, but please don't expect too much out of me too soon. I can't give up cutting overnight, as much as you may want me to. I can't just quit. I'm trying, but I'm only human.

[Kate*]

You can't demand respect based on credentials and experience while giving it based on behavior. People are judging you the same way you're judging them and responding accordingly. If you feel disrespected, either adjust your expectations or take a look in the mirror.

I will never regret standing up for myself. Yes I absolutely could've done it in a more professional, respectful way, but I could say the exact same thing about you and I don't think that had much to do with it. And if standing up for myself was part of what got me kicked out, I don't want to be there in the first place. At least your life didn't collapse as a result. I hope that you can learn from this and not just forget about me.

There's a part of me that still wants what I wish it could've been. I don't know if that will ever go away.

You realize you come across as a know-it-all, right? My reality already shut you down once, you might want to stop doing it to other people now.

You have a habit of blaming the rest of the world for your issues. There's a difference between other people actually screwing you over, and you not taking responsibility for yourself.

I know this is hard to accept, but there's a difference between him not being blind and you not accepting that he is. The tests confirm it, the fact that he can't communicate won't change it, and the reason you say you know it's not true is because he can hear. He responds to sound, so you think he can see because you don't want to believe he can't.

[eeba]

I want to see you so badly, why did you have to go away to college? I'm being so selfish, and I really am incredibly proud of you and can't wait to hear about all the wonderful and amazing things you will accomplish, but gosh, I miss you so much.

[Calaer]

I really hope this is what you wanted, because I'm not turning back.

[hellojwt]

I love you Jamie...

[Kate*]

When you have a special needs child, you do what you have to do to get them what they need. If that means you have to take off work for the IEP meeting, you do it. You don't fight the school because "it doesn't seem fair" to you. It's about her, not you, that's what parenthood is, and yes you need to be involved even if you think it's pointless at her age! I can quote you back to you "Life isn't fair" and "Just choose to be happy" about it.


I may have been out of line, but so were you. I was provoked, and you were the self-identified "professional" in the room. I say self-identified because you kept throwing that around as a defense for yourself when all it did was tell me how much better you knew. You claimed at the end that my attitude wasn't what cost me everything, interactions like these make me doubt that.

Either don't take sides, or pick one and stick to it. You may not be that way, but HE IS and you're the reason we're here.

[Calaer]

I wish that you'd have more respect for yourself and that they would have more respect for you.

[Kate*]

Thanks for teaching me never to ask authority figures if they're okay because it's "inappropriate" and "none of [my] business." You went off on us for no reason and reinforced my fear of them instead. You're still the one who had the break down at work though. At least I learned to never do that either.

My so-called "excuses" are actually legit, and if I knew what to do to get out of this, I'd be doing it. Why don't you offer help instead of judgement?

I'd seek help, but between the Medicaid lapsing last year instead of renewing and the legitimate possibility of losing it completely come January, I don't think it's worth trying another therapist I'll be forced to stop seeing through no fault of my own. Plus I'm pretty much doomed to have another bad experience.

I need you to know the full extent of what this did to me and "get" the fact that I'll never be the same or who I planned on being. But, you never will. I would do about 98% of it the same way. Your authority didn't give you the right to insult me and then tell me it was my fault you did, so I had no right to defend myself. I think part of me will always want it, and there are parts of it I miss, but the way I was treated, never. And, never again.

I'm sorry his school isn't following the IEP, but the sad reality is that they probably won't, regardless of how many times you go in there with a diagnosis they claim "doesn't exist" He's going to have to adapt. Just keep them from scarring him, like my teachers scarred me and he'll be fine.

[Storyteller.]

I'm genuinely not angry. I'm just tired and disappointed and I need to direct my energy elsewhere for a while.

[eeba]

Please write to me or call me or something, I know you must be busy but I really miss you!!!!
Did I say something wrong and that's why you haven't replied?

[Kate*]

I don't want to become Facebook friends with someone I don't know, but I'm following because I know someone who's life became everything you're terrified of before it took him. I need to see someone else survive what he couldn't. Plus, despite what's been said about me, I have a heart and I already care.

I wish so much that I could do what you have done, I would NOT suggest doing it the way you just did. If you want to be seen as "the bigger person" there are better ways to go about it and the one you chose makes you look like the type of person they're accusing you of being.

I won't even almost pretend to understand what this is like for you, or decide what's "better or worse", but I think she's absolutely right. It isn't fair to deny the rest of your class something they deserve because it makes you uncomfortable. You can't expect the world to tiptoe around or cater to your sensitivities all the time. When someone is sensitive to something, no matter what it is, it's up to that person to manage their response and figure out how they want to handle exposures to it. I get it, I just don't agree with you.

[MWF]

You're kicking me out of the house on accident? Fuck all of you.

[Calaer]

I miss you being here, and I know come thanksgiving and the holidays it's going to get worse.

[MyVisionIsDying]

Maybe I can finally get some decent conversation out of you. Maybe you'll finally notice the huge damned elephant in the room... so yeah, thanks for nothing.

[Kate*]

I thought I was ready, but I crashed again and I'm not expecting you to deal with it because I know you won't. This isn't what you're for and I know that.

I would feel bad about accusing you if you hadn't actually done it, but you did. Denying it doesn't mean it didn't happen and the damage I'm left with is proof that I'm not making it up. Even the stuff you had the right to do went too far and you just claimed that it fell under "acceptable" and I was "refusing to accept it." There are people I can accept it from, which means I know what "reasonable" actually means.

When you brag about how much you know better and expect to be held to a higher standard because of it, then behavior that inflicted that much damage is no longer excusable.

I legitimately don't think you intended for it to destroy me like this, but it did. I'm sure at least a few of you feel bad, and I'm sure most of you don't care. Not that you have to, you owe me nothing.