Say something you wish you could say to their face.

[Kate*]

You're not teaching in the fall and that scares me. I assume if you were leaving we would know by now and I know you can't just up and disappear. With him leaving you are the only one I still trust and feel comfortable with. Considering the situation I'm in, I'd be completely screwed without you, we both know that. Also, I think it's GREAT that he's back even though I won't have him again unless he teaches that and I don't think he can. I have as much respect for him as I do you. If he's included in those decisions and he remembers me, he might be able to help.

[Jovial.]

Just so you know, the day you block my phone number is the day you can fuck off. You get no more chances, I am done giving any fucks about you. You made your choice and I hope you can live with it

[bitesize]

It's funny to think that this time four years ago we were kissing in that little yard place and you asked me if I would go out with you and I thought finally, finallllyyy, and then we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and we had no idea we would stay that way unshakeably until one rainy evening in UCD's science building in February 2014. And the last three First of Mays have been so lovely, and they gave me a reason to stay distracted from the reminder that this day ten years ago was the worst day of my thirteen year old (and, still, twenty-three year-old) life.

I am very very sad about our break up - so sad that I can't even think of proper describing words for it. When I think about some of the moments we've had in the last two months I feel a pain in my chest and I cry. But there's no bitterness about our relationship. I loved every minute that we were together, I thanked the world that I'd met you every day. No one is ever going to be like you, no one has ever known me the way you knew me from 19 to 23. I don't think about you and feel anger or shame or vengeful. I loved you and I still do and I really hope you knew all these things today and that you're doing ok.

[EmisaurusRex]

oh get over yourself. you're a fucking joke.

[Jovial.]

I hope your relationship burns to the ground.

[EmisaurusRex]

you've hoped that for awhile and it hasn't. yours did though.

[Jovial.]

Don't worry, yours will. It almost did, It was so close. But like I told the other one. Divorce is a bitch, so buckle up sweetie

[Astrophile.]

P: I wish you were still here with us. You would know what to tell me. I could trust you with anything, but now you're gone. You've been gone for a while now, but it still feels like yesterday. I want to believe you're watching over me.. I really do. But I can't help but wonder if you would be disappointed in me and my behavior. :/

[Rivière]

I'm getting really tired of you making comments to me like that. What you see and what actually is, are two very different things. Just because you see me do something then, doesn't mean I'm solely to blame for it. You always have this habit of walking on on me at the one time I've actually made a mistake and you criticise me for it. People make mistakes. People forget things. Get over it.

[Your_Friend]

Why you are like this?You think you are the most cleverest person on earth but let me tell you that you are not.You are one of the most selfish person I have ever seen.You have 2 faces,one which you are inside and what you show to others.Everyone knows how cunning you are.And please stop making fun of others.Look at yourself what you are and then talk about others!

[Kate*]

There is a really good chance that this is going to explain everything! Please give me a chance to get evaluated/diagnosed and accommodated before dismissing me. I know you've all bent over backwards for me and we all seem to think that I can make this work. I know you're at the end of your rope, but PLEASE don't give up on me yet.

Please tell me that this disorder, if I have it, will not prevent me from achieving my dream. I'm too close and have worked too long and too hard to give up now!

I guess I wasn't clear enough about needing to meet with you again. So, on top of cramming for this final I have to go nag you and hope that you can squeeze me in before break so we can sort it all out. I suspected that I only got a meeting last time because he helped me. I guess I was right.

[bitesize]

The sex we had yesterday was more like love-making and it's weird how much I liked that, especially when I'm not sure how into you I am otherwise. I didn't even really want to go for drinks with you because it felt too couply, was worried that you might try to hold my hand, felt really weird when you kissed me hello in the middle of Grafton Street. But something about the way we get together in bed is pretty intense and intimate and pretty hard not to like.

[Azure.]

Let's put every last scrap in the fire and then burn the place up. Let's leave that life behind and continue with whatever mess we have going on now.

[Kate*]

I would've much preferred taking care of it BEFORE break so I could actually relax and enjoy myself, but I understand that you're home sick and that I'm lucky to get to meet with you at all. At least remediation is an option, it didn't ruin my birthday, and I will have my final grade by then, so there are benefits to this.

[Rivière]

It's obvious you're trying to get back with me, too bad it's just not happening.

[Kate*]

This would be so much easier if you would ANSWER YOUR E-MAIL. I don't just go away. When I don't hear anything I start nagging (and apparently getting nowhere because you have to be consulted despite what you already told me). I really hope you realize that classes end this week and that you didn't accidentally tell me to schedule then. See how much easier this would've been if we could've handled it this week instead? and that probably could've been done if you had replied to the first e-mail I sent you 2 WEEKS AGO!

It's not my fault, it's just my LIFE. She says if your schedule changes, she'll let me know, but my registration is a COMPLETE MESS now because if I can't have that in the fall as planned then there are no classes left for me to take and I won't be here for remediation without them.

[Azure.]

Don't say a word to me. Don't even look at me. I hope you know how awful of a person you've become.

I do love you. I have periods where I don't feel like I do, and then something makes me remember with a pang of sorrow. I don't whether that sorrow is me mourning what we seem to have lost or whether it's a call for a genuine need to try and fix things. The truth is, I do not know what to do. I do not want to distance myself from my feelings (or you) completely, but I do not wish to be swayed into a situation that really isn't good anymore, either.

The truth also is, I do not know what I hope to get from this. He asked me today, and I realized I didn't know. I say I want to fix it, but do I really? I almost feel like if you respond that you do want to fix things I will feel disappointed. We have done this dance many times before, but this time I mean it. There are consequences for the behaviors like you had last week, and I need you to recognize the gravity of them. I cannot, I will not, do this again. I am not bluffing; as much as I know I love you I will not hesitate to leave.

I need to know whether or not you can meet me at my level, and I need you to do it for the right reasons, not just because you fear losing me, because that fear has never been enough to make you progress to the level we need to be at for a mutually beneficial relationship. I can't do anymore "I think I can"s. I need you to know whether you can or not. If you can, it will take time to prove to me that you can; this isn't just another "misunderstanding" you can sweep under the rug. If you decide to do this, there is no more sweeping things under the rug. This will not be an easy fix. If you can't, that's okay. Just be honest and tell me now, because I don't want to have to wait to go through this pain again to find out. If you don't know, we stay where we are until you can figure it out.

Things changed last week. I need you to understand just how much. We aren't just going to be able to pick ourselves back up out of this one.

[bitesize]

- I'm sorry that I'm such a snarky bitch to you, but I feel like I can never forgive you for always treating me like a child, my whole life. It's an anger that I feel will maybe never go away, and it's terrible but I can't deal with it. It's why I tell you nothing, why I react with anger when you try to give me advice, why I act like a monotonic robot around you. I was myself around you, for a while, when I was sixteen and seventeen, I was my quirky, playful, giggly self, and then you accused me of being on drugs, and that ruined it forever.

- Gurr. I'm so annoyed at you that you turned out to be a dick. You really owe me an apology. You were so confusing and I think that's why I'm still annoyed at you instead of having forgotten about you by now.

- Oh my. I really wanted to kiss you on Saturday night (Sunday morning??) I'm not sure where that came out of, unless it was just alcohol and our nice chat and our long hug. I'm so glad you didn't make any moves yourself because I'm not sure I could have contained myself and it would have been a terrible, terrible idea. And I really am ridiculously fond of you as a person. Why am I so attracted to everyone I used to work with?? I need to sort myself out.

- I'm not really sure what to say. I'm not really sure what to think about this whole situation?? It's...grand, and I like it, and it's just... there, and there's not much to think into it?? I was outside college with SM and SD last week on one of our numerous study breaks from those endless shifts in the library and SM said 'Tell me something interesting. Something going on with you.' And I thought and I said 'Well, I'm sleeping with a guy from Cavan,' which got a slightly more perked-up response than talking about what topics we thought would come up on the Developmental exam, haha. And then I realised that yes, I am sleeping with you. And I don't really want any more commitment than that but I know we're already a bit too attached and this should never really have gone this far, but it's too fun and it's nice to know I am physically able to have sex like this and oh well. And on Sunday when you told me the room was bright because I was there and I'm bright I thought that was really sweet and I may not want to be your girlfriend or even find you that attractive but I think we have this weird connection and we were always meant to have sex, maybe even way before that night ages ago when we nearly kissed. And even though I'm still in love with him and can't think about him without hurting this isn't a distraction from that, it's just a totally separate thing that's just different and is just sex.

Oh. So maybe I did have something to say on the subject after all.

- So you haven't been in contact about singing and we STILL haven't talked about you trying to kiss me in the Village in March and I'm starting to think that you've ruined this friendship forever and I'm so, so annoyed at you because of that. FUCK you.

[Astrophile.]

Stay out of my fucking dreams.

You thought I was going to go in there? I'm sorry, I'm too lazy to think up fake drama. I actually need to shower, do my hair and make up, get dressed, and brush my teeth because... I am going to a function tonight, so, like. Yeah. No time for you. Oh, wait, aren't you a mother...????

[Beautiful_Mess]

I tried to make it work with you...what was I even thinking? You've found your way into my head..and you're killing me emotionally..I can't stand this...I do love you..but I can't take all this pain you're putting me through. I'm sorry,I don't know if me leaving you is really going to hurt you..but I'm sorry if it does. But Junior..this is to much on me. I wish we could've made this work..I really honestly do wish we could've made it work. But you don't act

[Kate*]

-- I will never believe that you didn't try to do that on purpose, but I got what I wanted

-- You keep giving me every reason to be hard on myself and then telling me not to be so hard on myself. That's a lifelong problem, but you can't tell me you don't see the problem with it.

Not to mention that you have NO IDEA what it's like to watch EVERYONE get through no problem while I'm getting told everything I've been told. You're the professional here, I can't believe that your faculty saying stuff like that to your students is okay with you.

It really feels like you're trying to get rid of me without telling me to go away. Then when I confront you, you deny that there is something wrong with me that's causing it. Then you tell me I'm being paranoid and too hard on myself. I really don't see how else I'm supposed to handle this. I passed so you can't justify getting rid of me.

[Pirouette]

Why are you doing this to me? We see each other all the time yet all you do is just raise your eyebrows and act like you don't even know me. I've been trying to find you and talk but I guess it's not worth it anymore. I'll just forget it and move on with my life...

I have mixed feelings about about your reply. It certainly wasn't what I was expecting. I'm glad you are "okay with these changes," but "these changes" mean completely changing the way you handle things. One email and suddenly you're "okay" with everything? After your display last week, one email makes you "okay?" In the four years we've been together, the four years you've had to change, you're suddenly "okay" with changing? I'm glad you're "okay" with it and "looking forward to these next steps," but I'm not so "okay" with it.

I'm angry. I'm resentful. I'm disappointed. I'm confused. I'm angry about the things that happened last week, and at your response to it. I'm resentful for similar reasons. I'm disappointed, because I realized part of me wanted you to say you were done. I'm confused because I don't know what I want. I don't even know how to talk to you right now; I know it'd be easy for me to just let the weeks go by without talking to you until this "break" becomes a break-up. I'm sad, because I don't know why I am so okay with letting four years of our lives slip away.

I know I should give you a chance to prove that you really are "okay" with what I am asking of you, but right now I just don't want to. I'm not saying this means we are done, but right now I am just not "okay" with things.

[Kintsukuroi.]

Okay. I get you're pissed at me but just shut up. I'm not in a strong enough place to deal with your shit or you stupid effing comments. Just shit up. I don't care about what you have to say...okay that's a lie...I do care and it fresking hurts. Just shit the heck up. Ciuldny you see I was crying? That I couldn't stop. Just shut up and be nice or at least civil for a little while please. I can't handle you. I really can't. I wish that I could kick you out of my life but I can't so fucking please stop and leave me alone.

I'm crawling out of my skin. It's funny how I haven't been this anxious to get an email from you in years- it used to be for happy reasons, but now it's because I wait to know whether or not we should shoot this thing in the face and put us out of our misery. To be honest I couldn't believe myself, texting with you today, then emailing you. At one point almost like we were normal. Almost. But we are still far, far from normal.

[Em.]

Kav,

you're literally the best friend I could ever have, you're so lovely, pretty, funny, (crazy) and awesome. I am so glad I came on here because you've literally made me a happier person. Thank you for being the amazing person you are!

Love you <3

[Chai.]

Em <3
I could say the same thing about you. Thank you for coming here. Because you have brightened up my light. You are the best best friend anyone can ask for.

I love you too Em <3

[bitesize]

I don't have time to write a diatribe on the family computer - my laptop is out of action for a few days - but I am so. Sick. Of being your friend. Sick of you whining and guilt-tripping and bitching about me to my friends and not being able to keep your mouth shut about anything and sick of not being able to trust you. I'm just sick of it and I know I need to cut you out of my life, not be friends with you anymore, but it's so easier said than done.

[Kate*]

-- I respect you enough not to be mad and I know that you told me that reaching out was a good thing, but based on your reaction combined with how it makes me feel, I really want to stop doing it.

I know that he communicated with you about it and I'm hoping that you reacted that way because he told you to and not because that's how you would really handle it. If that was going to happen, I'm glad it happened with you and them. If only I could learn to be more like you in that way I'd probably be set.

-- I'm not going away so I really hope you have an idea to fix this that will actually work and not just make me feel worse than I already do. I refuse to accept that I will never see a client or that I will not finish this. This is a new situation for you, learn to work with it.

-- This is why breaks are dangerous. This one isn't as bad as others have been, but I'm thinking that I should've scheduled with you anyway because when I call I know it will probably take at least 2 weeks to get in.

Are we...okay? I don't know why I am asking, because I know that we are. It's just that I expected to hear from you more, or maybe I'm just not used to hearing less. I've gotten so used to getting in touch multiple times a day that I've forgotten what it feels like to only exchange a few words a day. It doesn't help that I miss us. Not just you, because that's a given. I miss what I am TO you. And that is an absence much more acutely felt.

[Beautiful_Mess]

I don't love you? or care for you? It'd piss me off if you'd come and see me? What the fuck,Junior!?
Who put that in your fucking head?! Becuz none of that is true. I love you..and care for you and want and need you to come and see me..:"( If I didn't love you...I wouldn;t still be here for you, if I didn't care about you...I wouldn't be helping or TRYING to Help you...if I didn't want you to come and see me...I would tell you that..MYSELF.....I can't believe you'd listen to your crazy ass mother...you've never listened to her before...and NOW you choose to listen to her? What the hell.?!
Junior..my love for you is strong..and I really do care about you...If I didn't, I wouldn't be putting up with your bullshit.
Why don't you think about what people say...and I mean really think on it..before you go believing it.
I do love you...think about that alright?

[Azure.]

How can you not see me falling apart right in front of you?

- I know you're right. I know I still need space to figure things out. I still love you, even though things are complicated. I hate that this is riding entirely on me; you know I don't like being the one to make decisions like this all by myself. I don't know how it's going to work if I do decide to give it a shot. I think I will; I just don't know what it's going to look like.

But I am going to put this on the back burner for a bit. I have other things I need to work on. It's not because I don't love you and I am not concerned about us, because I am. But life moves on for both of us, and parts of my life are moving quickly at the moment. I will not neglect a good relationship, maybe the healthiest relationship I've ever had, just because things are crappy for us right now. I hope you understand.

- I wish I felt comfortable telling you that I love you more often.

[Kate*]

-- I now have an idea of what the problem has always been. From what you've told me this CAN work and I WILL be able to do it. PLEASE don't give up on me yet. If you're going to stick with me through this and we're setting a precedent, you're going to have to adjust how you normally do things. A lot, and so will everyone else.

-- Newsflash, I DID. TWICE. And I was not being dramatic, in general people going through that are NOT calm or rational. It will never work that way, but I'll remember to try that the next time I tell you, which I'm 99.9% sure will be NEVER.

-- As much as I'm mad at you about that, I guess I have to thank you for this. If you're going to agree to help me with it, you're going to have to adjust a little which will include no threats, no blame, and a lot of positive encouragement which you will probably think is too much, but believe me it's not.

[bitesize]

- I have a little crush on you. :P

You know, you were "just a guy" once. I wonder if I am going to end up speaking about you like that again. "He's just a guy I loved once, a long time ago." I don't want it to be that way, I really don't. I just don't know how to bridge this gulf that has opened between us. And it's all my fault. I had to go and open up that box. I know I had to eventually, if we were to make this last, but did I have to do it now? Right before today?

Happy anniversary, C. For what these four years are worth.

[bitesize]

- It bothered me the way you were like 'I don't want to talk about having sex with youuu, I can't talk about sex with youuu', because it freaked me out. We're FRIENDS. Very good FRIENDS. I'm constantly trying to ignore this terrifying unspoken thing between us that makes me question your friendship the whole way through. I want you to be able to talk about that kind of thing in front of me and not have me care. Seriously.

- If you were sober, that means you definitely heard what that guy yelled. When we were crossing the pavement near the college and someone shouted 'What is a girl like her doing with a guy like him?!' and maybe, hopefully they weren't talking about us, but I think they were, and I think you think I didn't hear but I did and it made me feel horribly uncomfortable. I really don't find you attractive. I don't find you good-looking and I don't find the things you do attractive either, but we somehow have great, great sex. The world is weird.

- You're a dick for taking my money and ignoring my messages. A dick. I was looking forward to those shoes for ages, and it turns out you were just a cheap scam. People like you rot and crumble in hell.

- Shit. I really shouldn't have been talking to him before I talked to you, that's a really low thing to do and it's not my style. I am sorry, however annoyed I have been at you.

[Captain_jack]

being apart from you is painful - i think i love you.
Am i just going through infatuation? is that the beginning of love? I'm so scared that this feeling won't last, one of us will change. What if its me? you don't deserve for me to hurt you. i don't want to. What if i make promises too quickly? What if i just tell you what you want to hear? You wouldn't believe me anyway.

Yes i lie, i hide so much of the time. I am ASHAMED of myself and the things that i do. I know theyre stupid, and i do them anyway. Which is worse. I HATE knowing you don't trust me, i hate more knowing that you're right not to. Why do i feel like i can just live properly?

I'm throwing away all the good opportunities that i have, just for an "easy" life. Which, in truth, isn't easy, it just makes me depressed.
I'm genuinely starting to feel like i have depression - why??? when i have you and so many wonderful things in my life


I spend all of my time trying to work out how i can AVOID the things i need/WANT to do -why am i just trying to ruin things for myself? Just so i can lose you and crawl away into oblivion and tear myself apart.