Say something you wish you could say to their face.

[Kate*]

--Being in the process of earning a higher degree than mine gives you the right to teach me something, it doesn't give you the right to be disrespectful. Apparently, this needs to be a lesson in and of itself because there are students in your program who don't know and there need to be consequences for it. Most of them are fine about it, but it only takes one to ruin someone's experience and that gets compounded when the disrespected student decides to stand up for their right to respect and ends up getting all the discipline and threats to their career.

-- I'm earning a masters degree which means I am NOT STUPID The difference between the two is nothing but semantics I know what you really mean. I'd feel more comfortable if you were honest enough to just tell me the truth. That doesn't mean destroying my psyche in the process. Find the middle ground where I don't have to guess what you're saying and the conversation doesn't end with me in tears. If you can't do that then maybe you shouldn't be in a position that affords you that ability.

[Moustachio]

~Why'd you have to assume so much? Should it even matter to you?

~AND SO WHAT?! So what if I did it, again, does it affect you directly? Oooh, she's so trashy- to be crass and very rude, I don't particularly give a flying frack about what you think.
Except I do, which is pathetic.

~I told you I'd be moody for the week, couldnt you just accept it??

[bitesize]

My thoughts on you have gone kind of up and down tonight... you're so different in person to the person I've been texting. Sitting there and trying to warm up with that drink I realised again that you're pretty fucking sexy, I like the lazy little smile you do. And I was nervous... I think both of us were talking gibberish, haha. I thought before that what I liked about you was just the feelings you gave me when you kissed me but I think it's a little more. Kissing you was pretty great tonight actually. Sober kissing is really nice. Butterfliesing. And then your texts seem so insecure... and I think I'm not the person that you'd like me to be. I'm not as sweet as you'd like. I curse occasionally and I'm slightly more spirited than you'd expect for a tiny person and do bold things and I don't particularly like classical music.

Plus we work together. Oh fuck we work together.
And there's the slight issue of me having only been single for eight days after four years and still being kind of in love with someone else.

But kissing you was nice.

[Beautiful_Mess]

Mom, I know you love me, but if you really truly do don't judge me or get pissed off becuz I've sliced my wrists..Help me through what I'm going through, don't scream at me or ground me or punish me, that just makes it worse..You think it's teaching me something...but what you don't know is it's making it 100x worse when you do nothing but look at me with hatred...I'm going through alot right now and I need support and help, not dirty looks and screaming or threats you know you WON'T make.
You telling me you'll take that someone away, you know what that does to me. You know. So why do you say shit like that when you're pissed at someone else.. and not even at me..makes me feel as if I've fucked up somehow and didn't even know it.
If only you knew, what I'm really feeling, you would watch what you say to me..If only you knew.

[Beautiful_Mess]

Honey, I wish I could tell you exactly what I feel right now, I wish I could tell you what my heart says..I wish I could tell you everything...I Love you, but when You ask if I'm gonna wait this out with you, that pisses me off, becuz you know goddamn well that I'll wait for til' time does end. You're my mate, My lover, My friend..
Don't you know that? Honey?! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE..ANYONE!!
Stop acting like you don't see it...I'm not you ex dammit..I'm nothing like her..I'm not gonna leave you, I'm not going to hurt you in ANY sorta way..Why can't you understand that?? I love you...soo much it hurts..so much that if a time came to where I had a choice to taking a bullet for you, I would...and I've never said that to anyone..EVER...
It hurts me that you don't know my love for you, but guess what? I'm going to prove to you, I LOVE YOU and WON'T leave you, no matter what may come our way....


You've got me, you're never getting rid of me..

[bitesize]

- Would you please get out of the fucking bathroom?? I've been awake for twenty minutes and I'm still waiting for my shower. Why should I have to set my alarm 35 minutes earlierjust to reach the bathroom?? I have to be in the American Embassy in 3 fuccking hours. HURRY UP!!!!!

- I did notice that you don't seem that interested in hearing about me. Like we discussed J1's for ages but you didn't actually ask where I was going. But maybe you just forgot or don't realise. I think maybe he ruined me for other guys. :/

[Kate*]

THANK YOU for at least offering to help, and telling me what the problem has been this whole time. I wish you knew how to fix it. I hope it's learned and not a consequence of that or a form of that where there's nothing I can do. I can't express to you how badly I want it. It may not be fixable in time and I'm terrified because then the world collapses on me (again) and I don't have the stability to go through that again. I'm just not strong enough.

--Of all the nights I needed you to see me... I'm not your job, but I need somebody to see me. ANYBODY I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

[bitesize]

To whoever is up there...

please, please can you please just let this be ok. Please?? I'll do anything.

[bitesize]

When you took my hand last night (in your sexy big hand with long fingers, haha) it actually gave me all these zingy feelings up and down and everywhere. Which is funny because before that that only happened when you kissed me and I didn't even want to hold your hand. But last night was really good... I don't even know why because all we did was drive around for an hour and chat about things that didn't even make sense and kiss a couple of times. But I loved that you took the time to drive into town when you knew I was feeling shit after work and I loved that it was really low-key and that you cheered me up and kept my mind off things. You were probably the best thing that happened in the whole of yesterday's shitty, shitty day.

[Jovial.]

- What is going on. Where do we stand? What is going to happen? I've lost everyone. Everyone. What is one more person I guess.

- I am pregnant. I shouldn't feel this way. I want so badly to be happy and excited about this and internally I am, I can't wait to be a mom. I have always wanted to, with my love for kids. The only thing is when everyone around is so negative and so not supportive of this is makes it so hard to be excited externally.

- Hormones go fuck yoursleves.

[Spiderpig]

Don't send me out supermarket shopping only to keep phoning asking for extra groceries. It's hard enough grubbing around sweaty grumpy housewives only to reach checkout before you're bleating down the phone again. Next time I'll fit you with a cork. Where the sun don't shine.

[hocus pocus]

I've grown too close to certain people. It's time for me to go before they can leave.

[Kate*]

The one time you don't answer your e-mail. Please tell me that no news means you're looking into it and not that you think I'm nuts because it's so rare and I Googled.

[mindflower]

Please, never get bored of me...

[bitesize]

I like you quite a bit. Which I shouldn't - everything is so topsy-turvy right now and you're a distraction so I need to not let myself cling on to that too much. But I like that you seem to like me too - SO much texting, and you seem to want to see me almost every day. I don't know what's going to happen with this and I shouldn't have let it get so far already but to be honest, I'm not really in a position right now to voluntarily give up something I'm enjoying. So thank you. And can we kiss more please.

[bitesize]

The fact that we broke up last week and yet you still rang me tonight to make me feel better, simply because you know how much I am in love with my job and how upset I must be feeling, makes you the best person in the world. And me, for secretly knowing the whole time that I've made plans to meet up with another guy simply because I thought some kissing would cheer me up, not the best person in the world.

I'm not going to make myself feel any worse right now, because today has been one of the worst days I've had in a long time and I'm trying to take each moment as it comes. But you're so brilliant. I love you, even if I'm not allowed say that any more.

[Kate*]

This is really going to teach me to trust people with things. I understand that you're told me that because you have to, but it hurts like hell.

You're the one who gave me more information about what's happening than anybody ever has. You can't blame me because I decided to do research and found something that matches EVERY SINGLE THING that I have and then come after me with 'self-diagnosing is dangerous and unethical" like I don't know. I took diagnosis, I've had ethics shoved down my throat adnausium, and I never said I diagnosed myself. I happened to research and found something that fits. You're also the one who said "I've never seen this, I'm going to call a friend who might know something." Now you have a term to give that person! You can't jump on me for getting excited and sharing with you that a direction you pointed me in ended up leading to something that makes EVERY struggle in my whole life make sense! By the way, if this is really what I have, this reaction makes perfect sense. I am sharing this with the psychologist Monday and I doubt he will have any arguments.

He'll probably say that he can't diagnose me with it in one session or that I need a neurologist. I'm hoping he can tell me in one session because part of me wants to rub this in your face. As unprofessional as that is, the feeling is okay.

[weaved1]

I want to have passionate sex with you. I miss that feeling gravely.

[bitesize]

You're confusing. You're different almost every time I see you. Sometimes you're sweet awkward 'Was that inappropriate' 'Do I text you too much' you. And then sometimes you're quiet, smirky you like you kind of were tonight and I wasn't sure I liked it because it made me feel unsure of where I stood, even though you were looking really hot. Maybe we exhausted each other's company tonight or we don't really know each other well enough to be out together for four hours and keep talking all that time. I have a weird feeling you won't text me for a while. But that kissing was just what I needed. Thank you.

-I'm afraid I seem really awkward around you because the last few times we have hung out I have gotten upset or irritated about something at least once. It's almost as if once we decided we were more serious about each other I just suddenly decided to let my insecurities out with you instead of trying to hide them. And I know you want me to be more honest- it's just that you're the first person I have ever dated that I feel like is really a man instead of a boy. I don't want you to think I am some neurotic mess, or at least some neurotic mess that can't take care of herself. I know that you don't think that at all, but I still can't help but worry.

- I don't want to, but I'm pretty when I lie.

- I know you're depressed, and that makes it hard to work through all of this. But the longer we go without talking about it the more I feel like I am pretending you and I have something that we don't anymore. We have many, many wonderful things, but that is not one of them. I just don't want you to say that we mean nothing without that one thing. I am terrified of what you will say when I tell you I need to step away. I'm terrified you're going to tell me to choose, because if you do tell me to choose I do not know what choice I will make.

[bitesize]

I care way too much about the fact that you haven't texted.

[bitesize]

I love my job so much. I am so in love with the building, I love the people, I love the familiarity, I love what I do. I look forward to work every day. It's so cruel of you to leave me in limbo like this. I can't believe I had to hear from a workmate what the story is. The last few days have been awful. I can't think, can't eat, can't sleep. I don't know what to do.

Please, please let everything be ok. I probably love this job more than anyone I work with. One stupid thing on one stupid night does not make me a bad worker. Everything likes me. Customers like me. Everyone in the building likes me. Morale is already low. It's so unfair of you to string us along for two months and let us think everything is ok.

Please, please, I'm begging you, I'm begging you, it's just another replaceable worker to you but it's everything to me. Please. Please. Please. I'll do anything. I don't care if you're a terrible catering company who have really been treating us despicably, I just love my job too much to care. Everything feels like it's turning upside down right now and I can't deal with it. Please please give me another chance, please see what a good worker I am and understand that everybody makes mistakes. Please.

[bitesize]

I love my job so much. I am so in love with the building, I love the people, I love the familiarity, I love what I do. I look forward to work every day. It's so cruel of you to leave me in limbo like this. I can't believe I had to hear from a workmate what the story is. The last few days have been awful. I can't think, can't eat, can't sleep. I don't know what to do.

Please, please let everything be ok. I probably love this job more than anyone I work with. One stupid thing on one stupid night does not make me a bad worker. Everything likes me. Customers like me. Everyone in the building likes me. Morale is already low. It's so unfair of you to string us along for two months and let us think everything is ok.

Please, please, I'm begging you, I'm begging you, it's just another replaceable worker to you but it's everything to me. Please. Please. Please. I'll do anything. I don't care if you're a terrible catering company who have really been treating us despicably, I just love my job too much to care. Everything feels like it's turning upside down right now and I can't deal with it. Please please give me another chance, please see what a good worker I am and understand that everybody makes mistakes. Please.

[Kate*]

--You pointed me in a direction, I researched, and I found something that it might be and shared it with you because I was excited. You also agreed to consult with people to try and help me, I gave you a possible place to start. Never once did I say that I diagnosed myself because I know it's dangerous, nor did I say that I wanted you to do it, I know you can't because it's unethical. I'm insulted that you sent me that. The one thing we all agree on is that I'm not stupid, don't tell me things as if I don't know them. I never should've bothered.

-- If it turns out that this is really what the problem is, it might mean that my dream is over. I want to go meet with you again to discuss this because you have the empathy I need. I need you to tell me that my life isn't over and that I haven't wasted 2 years, all my energy, and who knows how much money, just to have everything fall apart. Just like I knew it would.

[bitesize]

I'm angry at you, whoever you are, because you have no idea how much unhappiness and how much stress you've caused. It was New Year's Eve. Have a bit of lenience. That's just one moody moment for you that won't affect your life, it has bigger consequences for the rest of us. Think next time, and have a little sensitivity.

[Tigereyes]

I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm trying to be strong for you, but I'm losing it again. I'd ask for help but you're with her right now and she can't know. I guess we'll see what happens.

[bitesize]

I'm addicted to this thread this week. Everything's so fucking topsy-turvy.

- I love you. I really do. I keep flitting between having to face reality and trying to stay desperately positive, but when I'm trying to face reality your texts are helping. I love that you care what happens and that you're letting me know what's going on. No one else has bothered texting me to fill me in. They mightn't realise I don't know anything. Thanks so so much for sending me stuff and for looking out to me, it actually brings tears into my eyes how much it means to me. Whatever ends up happening - and maybe it'll all be grand!! - you're great.

- I can't remember the last time I had a long kissing session like last night. I know last night was a bit weird but the kissing was great. Really helped keep my mind off things.

- I miss you so much. I do. I'm so glad that things have been ok with us the last week and (so far, anyway, I won't hold my breath) we seem to be dealing with this weird break up situation ok. I love how supportive you're being and God I'd love to just meet up with you and have you hold me and your words tell me it's ok.

[Rivière]

I'm sorry I put a downer on your afternoon but to be fair, your earning money from surveys and thinking you can buy a car whilst going off buying other stuff like computer games and yet more SSD's is very unrealistic. Maybe you don't realise the actual costs of a car. You know... petrol, car tax, insurance, actually buying the car. I haven't opened my mouth about you going off saying you're trying to save money and comment on when you go spend it right up until now because I really hate it when you do it to me too but to be honest you're living in dippy land if you think you're going to afford all that by just sitting in your chair. Not to mention that sooner or later, your mum won't be able to keep up with paying for you to live in your flat, pay for your bills like electricity and water and nor will she be able to ferry you back and forth from place to place forever. I get your mum drives you nutty but at times like these you don't realise just how much you're taking her and your dad for granted. You pay absolutely nothing towards them looking after you and sure I know you've offered and their pride gets in the way but there comes a point where they won't be around any longer and you won't be able to hide behind your dreamworld anymore.

[bitesize]

I love the NCH so much there's not even words for it. I've been happy every moment that I've spent in that building. I look forward to every shift. I love the spooky corridors, the smell of the staircase, the size, down to the red carpet. I love the bars, I love the bathrooms. I even love the changing rooms. It's like a second home to me. I've never felt more comfortable and more safe in a giant building. I love taking out the bottles. I love cleaning the tables. I love making the drinks. I love pulling pints. I love seeing backstage. I love everybody I work with. I love the chats and the banter and the fun and how there's always something to make me laugh uncontrollably. I love my uniform?? I love the food. I love the regime. I love the familiarity. I love the private jokes. I love the sense of security. I love all the giant old empty rooms and the creaky lift and the ghost stories. I love chopping lemons and getting ice. I love refilling the optics. I love clearing glasses. There isn't something that I don't absolutely love about this place and I can't bear the thought of not being allowed to do these things. Please please please let everything be ok.

[Kate*]

--I might actually care about this test if I hadn't already been tested on this content 3 times and passed with flying colors twice. Or if I knew that passing might make a difference in my grade, or if it hadn't been scheduled for the week before spring break which I still say should be now and not 2 weeks from now.

-- I really hope that if you leave, I won't have to reschedule those appointments because that will be a HUGE pain.

-- I can't stand your boyfriend and you also wait until the day before he gets here to clean and then make a TON of noise while I'm trying to study.

[Avaleine]

Dearest CJC,
I don't think you understand the extent to which you had me for much of last year. My words of adoration to you filled many pages in my journals... too many. To think that you act like it was a silly game, or a dream of some sort, now is a bit annoying, yet I'm grateful. Thank you for not making a huge deal of this, but I don't appreciate how you play with me, and go back and forth between sweet words and cruel ones. I don't think you mean to. I seriously believe that it's not intentional, and you don't understand yourself. That's okay. I forgive you, and you'll always be in the back of my mind. I appreciate the experience you gave me, and how you brought out the stereotypical teenage girl in me. It's nice. Thank you for the experience, the occasional sweetness, and the lessons.

[bitesize]

Here stop faffing around and ask if I'm free. Need some therapy of the cheeky kind.

[bitesize]

a little less conversation a little more action pleeeeeeeeeaseeeeeeeeeee....

[Bem]

Goddammit man, I thought we were done and I was finally getting over you, and you had to go and want me back and make me fucking happy and I have so much to say to you that I can't put into words but my God, I am glad you are in my life.

[bitesize]

Perfect. That was so nice. That was just what I needed. A cute guy to pick me up and have an easy laugh with and lots of kissing to keep my mid off things. Thank you so much. You're a bit deadly.


(now text back so I know me saying it was nice didn't freak you out or something.)

[Rivière]

I really really really really hope you don't give me that desk job, I'd really love to do the journalism/travelling/photography aspect, that's something I've always wanted to do. Please let me do it. Please please please.

[Astrophile.]

I'm sorry that I keep putting you through this.

[bitesize]

Hey, tough cookie. No need to feel worried. Remember it was you that organised this because of the wrongs they've been doing to you. They started behaving unfairly so you rang the HR manager, you organised this and now you're going in to them tomorrow so you can get some answers and they can explain to you why they've been behaving so despicably. They're totally in the wrong, they're just using long drawn-out scare tactics to make themselves seem more powerful. Remember everyone else hates them too. Remember you're taking control of this.

Now: nap, essay, and then explanation time. Boom.

[Storyteller.]

In case you were wondering (which you weren't), I'm fine. Thank you for asking (which you didn't) and caring (which you don't).

[Jovial.]

- In case you can't remember. People give me really bad anxiety, especially people I have never met. So yeah just showing up to our house with a girl from MO, that I know nothing about that was smart, and you didn't expect the panic attack. You didn't expect me to cry so bad that I made myself sick. I knew all of this was going to happen. I tried to prepare myself. I knew it wouldn't work. I know you are used to me taking the xanax when that happens, and going to sleep. You forgot. I can't take the medicine. So instead I got to sit there and choke on my own tears, and feel like shit. Thank you for that.

- Fuck Fridays. Can the work week be Monday threw Thursday. I think it's a plan.

- I can't do the next ten days. !2 days from know I am going to be the happiest camper alive. I can't do the next ten though.