Say something you wish you could say to their face.

[Castiel's Angel]

I love you

I'm lying to protect you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And fucking everyone.

[Storyteller.]

Point taken. Thanks a lot.

[WashoutThePain]

There's no stopping me. Don't even try.

Is it okay for me to give up yet? I can only fight so many battles at once, and you're asking me to win a war. I don't think I can do this anymore.

[Jack Lowden]

I'm hurting.

[Jack Lowden]

I'm hurting.

[Evanesco]

I want you to hug me.

[Choose]

You confuse the heck out of me.

[Storyteller.]

What am I doing wrong?

[Stargazed.]

I can't stand how you're treating me.

[Philomath]

Shut up and leave me alone!

[bitesize]

I love you so much. (I think I make posts like this on this thread wayy too much!!) I love your smile and the funny little things you say, and when we're being snuggly in bed and you say 'come here' even though I'm here already, and when you call me cute and when you touch my earrings really delicately, and the little thing you do where you rumple your hair and look sideways and when you whisper when we're on the phone, and when you randomly tell me I'm pretty even though I look a state, and when you walk a little bit ahead of me and kind of put your hand behind you for me to catch it and hold it, and the way you can put up with me dithering over earrings in a shop for literally half an hour, and the way you're so agreeable to things and you never make me feel guilty about getting my way and you're always open to compromises, and the way we can be in a big crowd of people but you'll still give me a little look, and how cuddly you are in bed and how you didn't slag me for wanting to sleep with the light on when I was feeling freaked out that time, and how you don't mind how I look without make-up and how you always notice when I have new things and when you say 'this is so you' or 'you would love this' and how you always try to pay for everything and buy me things and you always persuade me to do what will make me happy, and how you have the loveliest smiliest eyes in the world. <3

[kymartinez]

i want to be be able to tell him how i really feel after everything that has happened between us the past year.

[trinityoflove]

I miss you, and I should've fought harder for you. I know that now, but it wont make a difference because you've made up your mind.. and that kills me because I still love you.

[WashoutThePain]

*waves her hands* ohai.

1. UGH. I'm frustrated with you.... can't you see you deserve better? Really? If you need to get shit out of your system, fine, but ahdfashdfkasjhfds.

2. Miss you.

3. What are we doing?

I think I finally realize where you fit into my life and that is absolutely no where. You are not a piece of the puzzle waiting to be put into place, that was just a silly little dream. So silly of me for thinking differently.

[Just Peachy.]

That was a blatant slap in the face. ;(

[Choose]

Fuck



you


all.

[Eternal]

Lol you're annoying.

[Kumagoro]

I appreciate how much you do for me, but I can't help thinking it's all for your ego.

[Evanesco]

I'm sorry that I still feel fat.

[Hollifire]

You literally upset all the people I care about and love the most. I don't think I can continue talking to you, not after this. And I'm genuinely sorry.

[Storyteller.]

Really... haven't I done enough? I can't do any more.

[Just Peachy.]

Yep. Completely fine with it. Why would I not be?

Forget that I completely loved and adored you probably more then what was healthy.

We're all good

I wish I had the courage to talk to you or you had the courage to talk to me. EPIC FAIL!!! FUCK!!

I HATE YOU GUTS YOU MONSTERS.

[Stargazed.]

I'm giving up slowly and no one even notices or cares.

[Bibliophile]

Please will you sit with me? I need a hug. It hurts so bad I could cry. It hasn't hurt this bad in years.

Why must it be today? Just give me a break for one fucking day. I want to make her happy and make her smile and make her feel beautiful, now I can't stay. Give me a break, seriously. This isn't fair. Please. Just please. I love her.

Yes, please. Never talk to me again. Do me a favor.

Fucking tell me one time where I told you that you aren't good enough. ONE TIME. What? You can't? No fucking way. I think about every single word I say to you because I know what you'd do if I say the wrong thing, and now I'm in the wrong? Now I'm bad guy for saying that sexuality isn't a choice? How the hell does that put me in the wrong? You're the one who told me that I'm going to hell for being bisexual, and now you say you are. Fucking grow up, leave me the fuck alone, and stop making the girl four years younger than you be strong for you. Stand on your own fucking two feet, because I'm sure as hell not holding you up anymore.

[WashoutThePain]

Please, stop.

[Stargazed.]

I love you and I'm so, so, so proud of you. <3

[Haylee.]

I'm scared.

[Bibliophile]

The answer is no.

[Kumagoro]

Make up your fucking mind. Stop being such a player and tell me why you completely blank me whenever she's there.

[VickyBu]

I love you, but right now I want to bitch slap you so bad !!!

[Haylee.]

I like you again. Which sucks, because I know you don't have feelings for me. I just like talking to you. Please don't get tired of me.

[Hollifire]

You really irritate me. I used to like you a lot, but now even hearing your name annoys the hell out of me.

[ShesNotThere]

I know you're family and I'm supposed to love you unconditionally, but most of the time I just want to slap you.

[i_like_black]

You're a nut job. Honestly. You want to be a therapist, and yet you can't even behave in your own therapy sessions.
I don't think you'll ever make it back to uni. I think you'll misbehave once too often and get sectioned. And once you're sectioned, I think you'll probably stay that way, because hospital will have all the people will who cater to your every whim the way you so clearly want them to.

You say you understand but the reality is, you don't. Not at all. If you did, it would show in what you say. All I can see from what you say is you've found a couple of small, seemingly-key points and you're sticking by them. Which is idiotic, in the least.

So no, I don't think you'll ever achieve your goals. First of all, you can't get on top of your own mental health, and secondly, I actually don't think you're smart enough or tough enough to handle a university degree.

-
I don't want to tell you the truth because I don't want to go down the same road as I did last year. Also, although I like you reasonably well enough, I don't find myself able to trust you with my confidences, especially as I know you're leaving so there's really no point building up a relationship.
This year, with a few exceptions, is following almost exactly the same pattern as last year. If it keeps up, maybe I'll tell the new person. Or my key worker. But my emotions are the same. My actions are a bit different, but who cares?
I'm not going to tell you about the drugs because then you could tell my family, and me and my family are getting along badly enough as it is. Also, I don't want to jeopardise potentially getting my license back in October. I'm pratically living for that.
I'm not suicidal. I'm not even cutting. I'm just getting stoned, which isn't a big thing, because when I'm stoned, I either play RuneScape, or paint, or read, or sleep. It's not like I go out looking for trouble or anything like that. Not in May.
I'm scared of what happens next. Last year it was around June that I started really slipping, properly. And in August there were two very, very non-lethal suicide attempts, although I wouldn't admit it at the time. Then in September it was Citalopram, and I felt good, then everybody said it was too good, so they took me off it, and in October, I parked my car in the fast lane with the lights off because it seemed like an awesome, awesome idea, and everything was great, and I fully appreciated how dangerous it was, and that's what made it great. And the truth is, the knife was in the driver's door pocket because I wanted to stab somebody, but I missed my opportunity because that particular cop spoke to me through the passenger door.
And in October, I got put under the mental health act for the first time, then on Olanzapine, and I got low fast, and I tried to hang myself - except my neck didn't break, and I wasn't suffocating because my feet were touching the ground. So I just had to climb out of the noose and accept that my garage beams simply weren't high enough.
Then there was respite. I went for a walk (albeit on the motorway) and got mental health acted and sent to hospital for the first time. I tried to run away from hospital and got put in the locked ward. After leaving hospital I had to go to sub acute. It was horrible, I hated it. The food was yuck. I realised I'd gained weight. And I got told I could either move back to my Mum's or go into shared care, they wouldn't allow me to continue to live independently. It was horrible.
I moved back to Mum's and I hated it, so I drank a bottle of paracetamol. I made the mistake of e-mailing my psychologist, thinking (hoping) she wouldn't get the e-mail until after the weekend. She got the e-mail the same day. She called an ambulance. The ambulance took me to ED, and from ED I got referred to . . . the psych ward. I was informal so I tried to leave . . . then got put under the mental health act, and back into the locked ward. I found a way to SH in the locked ward, so I got moved to a 3 bed unit which is basically locked intensive care. I hated it. Apparently I almost broke my knuckles punching things.
Eventually I got out. My at the time psychiatrist said she wanted me to stay as informal but would let me leave if I chose that. I chose to go home.
Was fine until uni was about to begin, got stressed, got scared, got low. Spent a couple of weeks in respite. Started uni. Things got worse. Had a clear suicide plan. Ended up in hospital, and, unsurprisingly, not long after arriving got moved to the locked ward. After being released at the end of March, aside from a brief altercation with the law (for which my court date is looming) I've been mostly ok.

Same as last year. Depressed at the beginning, due to stress, end up in hospital feb-marchish. Mostly ok april onwards. Now we wait. See if something more happens.

I'm scared, oh god I'm scared. I don't want to get depressed again. I don't want to get high again either.
That's why I can't tell you. I can't tell you because if I start talking, you'll find out too much, and it will prevent me from achieving my goals.