|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want people to give up on me so I can let go; I think being scared of hurting them is keeping me here.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I started to throw up again. I started to cut again. I'm pushing everyone away, I have to. I'd only hurt them more if they stuck around.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm okay, you know? I have to be.
I craved the words into my thigh. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm okay, you know? I have to be.
I craved the words into my thigh. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
My mother is such an insane bitch that murdering her is often a fantasy i play out. That's sick, I know, I'm not entirely sure that I'm all here. 95% sure I'm a loony.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
She gave me an ultimatum: either she leaves or I leave. I decided to be the one who leaves because I know that she make s my dad happy and I don't want to hurt him.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I had thoughts again. must act happy....
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I've changed so much in the last few years, but my family has no idea of the person I've become. I have so many secrets from them. They know almost nothing about me, and the only people who know the real me are you guys and people at school. It sucks, but I don't know how to change it.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I cut again, and I feel so much better now, but I know I shouldn't. Now I kind of want to go back to it.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm not over you
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I wish for somebody to tell me they love me, and I want that person to be you, I think I've fallen for you in the worst way possible but it feels good, to be honest.
I am craving some sex, I don't know why but I want it. Such a risk, I have a higher fertillity than most... I wish I had a gun so so I could say goodbye once and for all. Jay. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm sat here cuddling your scarf because it makes me feel safe and smells of you <3
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I've lost so many people the last few years, but made so much progress.
If I lose you, all that progress will vanish ------------------ I have a regret I will carry with me for years and getting over it will be one of the hardest things I ever do. If I didn't believe so strongly in not having regrets I might take it to my grave. It's a secret I hope I take to my grave cause I'd be so ashamed if anyone else knew. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Last year, I attempted suicide. After the failed attempt, a friend reached out to me, not even knowing I had attempted suicide a few months prior. He saved me and in a turn of events, I ended up saving him.
What's my secret? I found out later that the date I attempted suicide happened to be on his birthday and when he says he needs me in his life, I feel guilty and I feel like I don't deserve his friendship. :'( |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
My secret is that I may say I'm okay, It is just bullshit. I'm not okay, I just wish somebody saw through my facade and knew the real me. And that they could call me on it, told me to get real and let me collapse into their arms and let me cry it all out... I can hardly cry anymore even when I desperately want to... :'(
Jay. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want people to accept me, but I can't even accept myself.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I hate the fact you're dating....
Jay. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I've cried every day for the last few weeks. I don't want to do this anymore.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Its impossible for me to fell good about myself or somthing I've done cause I fell like I don't deserve anything good
I always feel like people, no matter who they are or what they are doing, are judging me |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm actually scared to come home each day... I haven't felt this kind of ongoing fear since I left him years ago. And that thought really bothers me.
I still want to hurt myself. I want to start doing it again. I don't know if I want to stay strong anymore. It hurts so much. I've thought about running away again, but I know I won't attempt that because I have nowhere to go. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I really do love you :hehe:
Jay. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm dating somebody and I want to be with two other guys.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I am so sick and tired of fighting... but I have to so I can meet you in 4 days.... only hope I can make it through the storm...
Jay. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm still not over you, even though its been years.
I still have the urges, although I tell most I don't. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
My dad doesn't know that my step-mom have serious arguments about 4 times a week. He doesn't know that the reason I am leaving is because of her.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I just want something casual, no feelings involved because I always end up getting hurt...
I can't even get that... Jay. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
1. I have almost no self confidence
2. No matter how much people tell me I'm thin, I'll never believe it 3. I still feel like giving up sometimes, but I'm trying my best to stay strong |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I get the feeling everybody hates me. I'm sorry. I just can't trust anybody. Sorry I'm such a failure.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
They're coming back...the suicidal urges are coming back, and they are coming back strong. I don't know how much longer I can hold off.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
The only reason I am still alive (and have been for the past four years) is the knowledge of what it would do to my family if I wasn't.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
[I think my cousin is sooooooooo attractive.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I strongly believe you don't love me anymore, but the 1% doubt is keeping me alive right now and that sickens me. The fact that I stopped cutting for you is long gone and has evolved to a belief and a promise to myself and that sickens me as well. And the daydreams and fantacies I have over you sickens me. I don't hate you, I love you with a burning passion that will carry on to my demise, but that sickens me.
You make me sick, because I adore you so~ |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
It was never supposed to go this far.
Now I want it to go further. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I can't live without my scars and now I cut when I'm not triggered just so that I can feel the pain and know I'm still alive.
Jay. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
The 1% hightened to about 47%. You're lucky, I guess.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I wish I had never told my mom about my cutting. I know for a fact that I could have handled everything with a few bandaids placed correctly, instead of calling for help and going to the hospital. Then I would still be able to cut on my arms and be able to feel that relief. I miss it so much. The only thing keeping me from cutting at this very moment is the fact that my mom is asleep on her bed in the room that we share because we're too broke to afford anything else. If she were at work right now, I would have given in hours ago. I know that I need to take a shower tomorrow and I have a feeling that I'm going to take my blades with me and end up cutting for the first time since October 30th. Part of me doesn't care. I don't know what to do anymore.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Hehe, I just baited you and you took it, hook, line and sinker.
Jay. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I Can't trust anyone. When someone I love trys to gain my trust and I dont give it to them I feel aweful. Like I'm a horrible person.
I hate my lfe.. and I want to die. I wish someone can see behind my smiles and just give me a hug and whisper in my ear "I see what you are going through I'll going to stay right by your side." I hate going to counseling I'm in love with my best friend. I want to be loved for me. And the list goes on. Eva (: |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I know you\'re going through so much but for some reason that annoys and it makes me feel awful. I\'m so sorry!
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
4 months down the drain. Now it just seems like there\'s nothing holding me back, I already screwed up and SHed why not do it again?
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