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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want to binge and purge and cut and starve. I don't want to get better. I'm hurting too much.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I hate the life I am currently living.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
where to begin ...
I can't drink soda thats NOT diet without wanting to die. Scratch that, i can't drink soda at all without wanting to die My calorie count is obsessive, every bite counts. i've tried to kill myself before. i've lied. I've hurt. I've put everyone around me through so much. i honestly believe i am the most worthless, fat, disgusting human being on the planet. I've been self-harming for.. 4? 5 years now? i can't even remember. my whole life has flashed before my eyes countless times. My sock drawer has razors in it.. My scars actaully say something. I've done almost everything on my bucket list. my life isn't bad. I have friends... family... a roof over my head. clothes to wear. food to be (avoiding) eating. clean water. But i still can't sit with myself. i hate myself. on the up side: I've been number 1 at my gym. if i'm not 1, i'm 2. i've taught at least 50 different kids how to do a cartwheel. one time when i was 7, i got so nervous for a meet that i cried the whole time. i've over-rotated into a higher level skill, and gotten points taken off. I've tried to fly, and i've succeeded. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i cant sleep anymore....
i wish i was dead because i've never been good enough and i never will be |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I know more then I should.
I don't want to sleep, but at the same time I do. My nightmares are making me insane. I like starving myself because i think clearly when I'm hungry I'm insane. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Im in love with a boy who lives 1000 miles away and he has a girlfriend. but yet talking to him, seeing him, hearing his voice just makes me feel complete. i feel like im too young to be in love. i dont hate my mom but i wish she would stop treating me like a child. i have never kissed anyone before and i dream about kissing him all the time. i hate my body, i hate my nose and just my whole entire face, i want to be beautiful with a beautiful body. sometimes he really does make me feel beautiful but only sometimes. i want to be with him badly i want my happily ever after. i feel like its my turn to be loved and chased after not me chasing them.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Almost every new opportunity that becomes legal once you turn 18 and 21 I've already experienced.
Makes life feel more empty now, like I don't have much to look forward to. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I believe my mother hates me. :(
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want to disappear.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't want to die-I'm scared to, but it's becoming a struggle to keep living
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
If I could just wither away, I would. This way is just a bit harder.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I hate eating.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I like having a job but hate work.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I just want to cut then i will be happy
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
It's there but it's not there.
But, I think I really wish it was there. Fully there. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I feel so hungry right now. It isn't fair. I just want to tear my stomach out and tell it to buzz off.
I'm obsessing over a past relationship that only hurt me. And it hurt me deeply. After all he's done, I still want to sleep with him. And I'm engaged to be married to another man whom I love more than I love myself. I feel like such an ungrateful, adulterous, despicable whore. I need a drink. I need one badly. Who cares about an entire month of sobriety down the drain? Before that it was six. Everyone tells me their problems, but no one has the courtesy to listen to mine. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Samm I really don't need to know everything about your life. You really don't get why I've been avoiding you for the last couple of weeks do you? Because your irritating the heck out of me. I really don't care about what your dad said this morning >.< like really? Blehhh
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I like the fact that I'm losing weight again.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm considering going out with a guy that i just met. I dont really like him but he is so sweet. Even though im in love with my best friend. My best friend doesn't like me as more than a friend.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm not really sure what I feel anymore.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I feel triggered every day of my life.
I have a knife under my pillow, and no real desire to move it, other than to use it on myself. :ehhh: |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want to sneak benodryl so I can sleep again.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I watch porn. *Shrugs*
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I was happy when you saw me today and said I was too skinny. You also said I looked like I got skinnier. That made me happy.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
If I could I would get high every night. Heck, I'm going to try to.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm not okay. Things are getting worse again and I hurt so much.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I just want to drink.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
im going to die tonight
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
My eating has been getting less and less again, I'm losing weight and I like it, it's not anorexia again (yet) but it could be heading that way, and honestly I don't really care.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I really wanna relapse, I don't really care if people were mad either.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't care about stopping anymore . . . I don't care who would be disappointed - they don't care about me anyway, I don't care that it's gotten to the point where I could die, I don't care!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
My back hurts worse then ever but I'm lying to play sports..
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm about to go purge >.< goodbye food
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
The thoughts are finally coming back. This time, I don't know if I'm going to tell anyone.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i'm not as innocent as you think. inside, i'm an animal waiting to be released. :innocent2:
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I put up a front that I'm happy, that I'm okay, that I'm a female, that I'll manage, that I don't want to self harm anymore. But none of that is true. I've just self harmed again and honestly it felt so good. I want to do it some more... I wonder what would happen if I didn't eat at all tomorrow... Would I get low or?
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm really scared about tomorrow...
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Im a bad, bad, bad person. I should be in all the pain that's possible. My head hurts...I think I may have punched it too hard. I'm kinda actin weird right now
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I believe I may have accidentally, unintentionally, attempted.. and obviously failed, so it's okay, right?
I can't sleep without pills or alcohol, or the other thing that isn't even an option. I've been/am in the process of being severely traumatized and will absolutely never fit into the society of Earth again. I never have to begin with, but soon the notion of it won't even be available. Please, NASA, find life on Mars so I can have a bit of hope of belonging somewhere. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i think im just gonna cave tonight.
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