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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm still not over him
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
No matter how much I convince myself I cant not bring myself to eat without having the need to excessively workout.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Am I the only 17 year old schizo gay bedwetter??
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I like to sniff my boyfriends underwear. Now that's some secret, huh?
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
No matter what, I seem to be in some sort of Hell.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't always think about him when I'm "alone".
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Everyday I battle my inner demons. And each day they win. I wish one day that I could win.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Almost every night lately I dream about smoking or when I'm living with my dad how maybe I could make it a habit. I used to be the social smoker that never really got urges, but I'm starting to get addicted I think and I don't want to stop. I don't care about all the crap in them or how they shorten life expectancy, etc... I don't care and I just want to be able to go and smoke when I want to and not have to hide it from parents.
I'm addicted to laxatives and although the side effects scare me, I don't want to stop. I'm addicted to the feeling of my empty stomach and if it's not growling in hunger I just want to die for failing. I'm not ready to get better again, I love the feeling of hunger and losing weight, the feeling of the blade on my skin, and I deserve to hate myself. I want to kill myself again and I don't think I'll tell anybody this time. I sort of wish someone would tell on me who knows I don't eat so I'd have to get help. I still love him even though he has broken my heart 3 times or more in 2 months. I deserve the pain I'm in emotionally, I deserve to be abused my aunt, I don't deserve the freedom I may soon be getting. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Your dreams are futile and your ingenuity was lost long ago.
And you can't blame me for it either. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Contrary to popular belief I am not a strong person, I only put on the mask of a strong person for the hopes one day it will happen.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I just want someone to tell me what to do. No more decisions. I can't handle this anymore. Someone take over.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I always wonder why I should even bother doing anything. I know when I go for something I never get it. No matter how hard I try it never happens. Fate just hates me.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I feel like there is no way out of this and I just have to accept it.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I haven't in 5 days. Oddly enough I haven't felt hungry at all.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm pretty sure God hates me... That or he's a cruel some of a bitch that like fucking me over.... One of the two..
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I hate that I'm almost 18 and 16 year olds have done so much more then me. I fucking hate that.. I want to go out and have fun... and be social... but my fucking mom makes that so god damn hard... but thats right... everyone else can do shit.. bitch about doing the shit... and i have to work my ass off just to have a social life... so FUCK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU that bitch about being tired on the weekend.. or "that youve done too much"... FUCK YOU
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I think I like you more than I'm letting on. It's so confusing.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Ive never felt this feeling before, It feels odd, But in ways I like it.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
You make me feel so guilty.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Where to begin. I was molested by a family member and dream about it every night. I don't eat nearly enough because the thought of eating food makes me nervous and the thought of gaining back weight makes me sick. And I cut more often then I would admit to anyone.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I just want to hurt myself right now.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
R, you have no idea how much I would give for you to be here right now to save me from myself
no-one knows how bad it has gotten. my starving,cutting,suicidal thoughts,etc |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I yield to temptation far too much.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I keep getting sick, and deep down I know that its my fault. What if I really screwed up this time?
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I hate food.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't think anything will ever be enough for me, as much as I wish it was. What's the point in living?
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm a bad influence to all my friends. They would be better off without me.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I feel hungry and I'm happy about it.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
My mental state is once again going downhill, and it's happening quick. I wish I knew what to do to stop it, but I know that once I it gets so bad there is no stopping it, except for one way: suicide.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to keep throwing up and starving myself. Nothing is happening anymore. I lost so much weight in the beginning, but now I'm stuck. And I'm still fat. I'm still so fat. I want someone to help me through this, I'm afraid. I'm so afraid. Jeans that were once tight are now loose but I'm still fat. I'm always so tired and so hungry, but I stay up all night and don't eat until at least five or six each night. If I eat at all. I've thrown up blood more than once. I didn't tonight. I threw up everything in my stomach and there wasn't any blood this time. I'm glad there wasn't, it scares me even more when there is. It isn't much blood, but I really hope it's from an irritated throat and not from my stomach. I want help. I really want help, I want to stop before I end up killing myself. I don't want to die. I want help, but if I let anyone know they'll send me to a hospital and Carmen wouldn't understand. She couldn't understand, she was so upset when I was absent for one day. She's very autistic, everyone is so mean to her. She told me that I'm her sister. I can't leave her like that. I just can't.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want to live a happy life or not at all.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't care. I know i'm loved..but i'm still selfish enough to want to kill myself. and even to try.
I don't want to get better. like for real. I don't even know how I feel about you. I have to many things floating around in my head to know. And it makes me mad. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
im not perfect. learn this now.. maybe youll realize that and leave...
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I get mesmerized when I look at pictures of SH online...
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't know what love is anymore.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I always tend to want something I know I can never get.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
No matter how often I try to get it out of my head, There is nothing more I want in life then have a chance to be with you. Its like a slim to none chance that it will ever happen. And I know I should just accept it. But I can't really let go of that sliver of hope. God I'm a loser.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Soo triggered right now.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I watch shows marketed for six year-old girls! (MLP:FiM)
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i know this is wierd to you but...I want To be anorexic so leave me alone until i become skinny then come find me. Food is my enemy.
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