Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

i have been sexually abused by my dad and im in love with a boy. would he still like me if i told him this? :'(

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I'm lusty.

All I want is a kiss.

And yet, when my chances are given to me like free food on a plate, I reject them.

I feel bad when I reject them, because I know they really want me.

But I tease continually. And yet I don't really want them.

I just want to be brave enough to not be ashamed.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

And the depression is back with a vengence.

I hate wanting to cut when I can't cut.

My OCD is my biggest anti-cuttng aid, lol.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I hate that I feel helpless
I hate myself for giving in and being weak
Every day I want to hurt myself more
Sometimes I wish I had succeeded in ending it
Your smile is the only thing that makes these feelings go away

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I got him the most perfect christmas present ever that no one else would ever think of and that only he could like! :hehe:

But... I'm afraid that he'll think me giving him a present is innappropriate. :?
I may just keep it.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I'm scared to show that I'm upset in case people think I'm attention seeking.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I'm setting myself up for heartbreak.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

My best friend of 7 years, has been my boyrfriend for 2 years and 8 months, and my fiance for 1 year and 9 months.
I love him more than i could ever explain.
I do not know why i love him.
He has abused me for the last year.
Cheated on me.
For the last few months I never see him, as his freinds are more important.
uses me for sex.
has no job.
has bought me one present in our entire relationship.
no engagement ring.

yet when he is nice. HE IS AMAZING AND InDESCRIBABLE.
I adore him.
I hate him.
I love him.
I envy him.
I want him dead.
I want the best for him.

I am confused.
I am lonely without him.
I am lonely with him.
I cant leave him, even if i wanted to.

i love him and only him.
i miss him right now.

i think i like someone else.
because of how much i hate him.
and because i want him to feel the pain i have felt.
i want to cheat on him so bad.
to make him hurt.
but im too selfless to hurt him like that.

i want my ED to come back. so i have something to take my mind off things.
i want him to stop beating the fuck out of me.
i want him to care like he used to.
I WANT HIM BACK!

suicide isnt my only option right now.
so util it becomes my onnly option.
i will remain hurt.
and lost.

i believe in God.
and i believe He will fix this situation.
I pray that only His will be done right now.

i still hate everything i am.
yet ive lost weight.
gained flawless skin.
a great job.

but still have no freinds.
rarely see my family.
and am being controlled by the monster i love.

i know he loves me with everything he has.
I pray he gets the help he desperatly needs.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

there are times when all i can think about is how much i want to die. i dont want to kill myself, but was at a point where i was likely to. now i just wish some terrible "accident" would happen to kill me

i still cut. nobody knows. i've got an eating disorder. i'm faking wellness. i dont sleep at night cuz i'm too busy dreading tomorrow. i care way too much. i wanna let go
hehe- i'm running out of excuses for all my scars, cuts, and weight loss

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I'm in love with you., You liked me. She found out. damnit.
She says I'm not good enough, I won't ever get you.
SHE'S WRONG.
I won't give up just yet. </3

YES. i've fucking had anorexia. this summer. kay bestfriend? im not doing better, take the hints. i.need.help.
mom, i did have anorexia. I LIED. & i im relapsing. mom, why can't you just see that? :/

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I like ______, even though it's stupid.
I bite myself when I get the urge to cut. There are so many things I want to tell him that I can't..

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I smoke A LOT of pot. Trying acid in a few weeks when my friends parents go away. Those aren't really dirt little secrets though, just facts.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Compared to being together with my ex I love being single

compared as not being together the crush before my ex makes me feel like I'm missing on something.

All love songs I'd sing are for the crush before my ex.

I'd fallen out of with that crush, when I fell with my ex, being with my ex made me realize that I could love with my soul and my heart and somebody else still had my soul, Falling out of love eith my ex came not long after that realization.

I might be falling all over again with my that one crush.

Feelings are so difficult to understand. They confuse me. I wish they didn't cause I know I can hurt people and already done so.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I noticed things slipping before I admitted to them to myself.
Change scares me more then knowing I will die if I continue on this road.
I'm lying about food again.
I'm kidding myself about staying in control again.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

If I were to be that kid that had a crush on his teacher, it would probably be my AP Psych teacher. :)

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Every single day I have to wake up in this freakin' house, the first thing I want to do is slam my head into the wall. Then when I force myself to leave this room for simple fact that all of the food is downstairs I see him or just hear him and instantly want to punch him in the face. Don't f*ing talk to me, look at me, or get near me. I can't help the fact that I'm homeless and too poor to have my own place. Trust me, if I had a way, I'd be out of here in a quarter of a second.

I WANT OUT!!!

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Dear self,

You are pathetic.

This is absolutely f*cking unacceptable.

About just as unacceptable as the real damn f*cking thing.

Do you understand?

You better f*cking understand.

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

I beat my mom with a stick when i was 6.. ha..

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
 

- Sometimes I pretend like I'm not in this world. I dream about a fantasy world. In the end, it is only a dream.
- I carry a journal with me everywhere and write things down that upset me; only one person knows I keep a journal.
- I am falling for the nerdiest boy ever! I think he is so kind and I love him. He is the boy everyone makes fun of, no one would invite to parties, and friends wouldn't approve of. I LOVE HIM. <3