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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I like you a lot more than you think... if you weren't against cheating, I'd kiss you in Nashville... and even though I said I was, I'm not okay.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm still hopelessly devoted to someone besides my boyfriend.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
One of the main reasons I haven't killed myself yet is because I'm scared nobody would turn up for my funeral and I don't want my family to have to deal with that.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't think I want this to work. I am tired of being hurt by you so if I cut everything off it won't happen. You want to do a family session with my therapist and I think I am okay with letting the silence kill our relationship because no matter what happens things will never change. You cannot change because you don't see the things I do.
I love you but I am so angry at you. You are fucking things up in your own life and it is subsequently effecting me. I think I like the silence between us and the fucked up relationship we are going back to because the pain that comes with it feels good. It makes it easier to starve myself and what not too. I burned myself last night too. Felt good. Didn't even leave to bad of a mark. Life is going so damn badly right now. I think I like sabotaging my life. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Ive fucked up.
Ive fallen down, and taken you with me. And for that, i am sorry |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i stay up all night then pretend i just woke up at like 8am and go to college.. so my mum doesn't think i'm a freak who never sleeps.. :p
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
She's always on my mind. I tried to get rid of her the other night. It didn't work. I always thought that if I wanted to, I could just say the word and I wouldn't love her any more. I just never did because I was scared to let go. So when I finally let go of that fear and told myself to get over her--nothing happened. She's still with me. I can't get rid of her.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I've lost weight from doing distructive things, and it feels amazing.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I ruined myself, I don't know why, there must be something really wrong with me.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I don't really want to stop, regardless of what I you and what I will continue to tell you
I can't help but love another |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i can choose to not talk to him or about him. i can choose to look away when i see him. i can choose to not get hugs from him or look at his facebook. i can choose to walk certain ways to class so that i won't pass him. but none of that fucking matters, because i can't choose not to think about him. i can force myself to stay as far away as possible, but i can't force myself to forget. so what's the point? everyone says to get over someone you should try to stay away from them. like it's that easy. it's like, you can't breathe and there's a giant container of oxygen (that just so happens to be drop-dead gorgeous) walking right by you, and you have to choose to not go and get it, to stay put, and not watch it as it goes. then you have to try to ignore how bad it hurts, and pretend it's all for the best.
i can convince others that i'm over him, but i can't lie that well to myself. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I've tried and tried and tried and tried.. I am just tired.. please stop pushing me
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
the thoughts are back... and now I know where they keep it...
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
'I'm afraid of what this might be
and I'm afraid of you loving me. I'm afraid of the words I want to say and I'm afraid of losing you one day. So young, stupid and in love, but that's enough...' |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I love you. So much that it's slowly killing me inside.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Now that I've told you about the number thing...it's getting even worse...
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I set fire to my neighbours van
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I wish he knew what I'm really like... would be so keen to be with someone like me? Would he be afraid and run for the hills and think I'm a freak... I think yes.
I want to be honest with people. I've stopped taking my tablets and I feel so free. I just keep pretending to be keeping up with them. I don't feel ill, I feel fine... so why do I need to carry on taking them. I know he would screw if he knew I'd stopped taking them. I really wished I did not have feelings for someone that I do... but I just do. He makes me happier than my boyfriend... but I also know it is merely a fantasy and it would never work. He's gorgeous, charming and such a gentleman. He knew I wanted to kiss him when he tried to kiss me and he knew I was resisting. I keep wanting to see more of him... and it scares me that I could do something to ruin what I have with my boyfriend. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
no matter what she does to me. lies cheats and yells at me..i cant help but love her
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
my life is a joke.
i can'tcan'tcan'tcan'tcan't. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want something terrible to happen to me so I have a reason to be the way I am.
I want to have a breakdown and get put in hospital because I honestly cannot cope anymore. Even though I pretend it doesn't bother me, I hate the face that my dad has never bothered to pay any attention to me. I just want to be loved. I'm too scared to let anyone get close to me because I'll end up hurting them in the end. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I wish I knew my father before the drugs. Before he started being abusive. Before everything.
I'm immensely jealous that my brothers knew him as a good man. I never knew that man and probably never will. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I want her so bad, but I'm afraid she'll reject me. Pretty much almost killed myself once because I got too depressed. I hate living in this world because nothing is what I want life to be and I'm pretty much stuck in sadness, stress and anxiety...
My thoughts, feelings, dirty secrets, etc.... |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I can't see how it's going to be worth it.
|
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Your the reason why I'm breathing.....
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
It scares me how badly I want you. I can't handle only getting 5% of you every month or so. I need you completely and I scare myself sometimes that I won't stop until I have you. But I know I will never have you.. so I guess I will never stop. I just need you to want me.. and the pathetic thing is that then I'll get over you. As soon as you're the one in the begging seat, I'll be laughing. You're the biggest challenge I've ever faced. Sometimes I forget I'm almost 20 and that it's time for me to be an adult and grow up and stop seeing men as some sort of game that I can win. I can't win you.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
hanging out with people that weigh more than me makes me feel not so fat.
i want to be told that someone cant live without me... and actually mean it. im jealous of my ex-best friend i still hate my life. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I've started again and found myself back where i was a few weeks ago.
I dont want to be alive anymore. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Every time I go for a walk I find myself by the railway line contemplating life, death and suicide. Watching the trains pass...
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Honestly?
I don't really know how we're still alive. But I'm so happy we are. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm afraid to admit to myself and other out loud that I may have an eating disorder.
I also slipped and cut, it wasn't bad, but I haven't told anyone. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'm too scared to live, but too scared to die..
I'm too scared to be happy, because I forget what it feels like. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I won't let myself be happy because I'm afraid of being normal.
I'm ruining my life and I don't even want to stop. I want to run away and be homeless. At least then I won't have to try to live up to everyones expectations. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
You didn't email me for two days, even though I knew you went on facebook and so you got them. I thought you were ignoring me. Now after speaking to you for an hour on Skype I know you didn't want to write a soppy email with your sister looking over your shoulder. I felt awful. Instead you said it all to my face. About how you want to sweep me off my feet when I get to you, and talking about how we met and all the cute stuff.
No matter how you try to convince me that I should find someone else, I can only see you. And I miss you more than anything. |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
Giving up and slipping back into old habits would make everything so much easier.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I'd give anything for you to apologize and for us to be civil. Just talk to me.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
i think about his best friend all the time.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
I almost punched a nurse in the face at the hospital.. and I feel so bad for it.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
even when he just kisses me,
i have to hold myself back from the feeling i get. (; |
Re: Dirty Little Secrets.
After today, I wish that I had never met any of you. Seriously.
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