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  (#2041 (permalink)) Old
Storyteller. Offline
Spite and coffee.

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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - November 22nd 2012, 06:25 AM

I want people to give up on me so I can let go; I think being scared of hurting them is keeping me here.


"Love means never having to say
you're a werewolf."
  (#2042 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - November 24th 2012, 07:27 AM

I started to throw up again. I started to cut again. I'm pushing everyone away, I have to. I'd only hurt them more if they stuck around.
  (#2043 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - November 25th 2012, 04:20 AM

I'm okay, you know? I have to be.

I craved the words into my thigh.
  (#2044 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - November 25th 2012, 04:20 AM

I'm okay, you know? I have to be.

I craved the words into my thigh.
  (#2045 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - November 30th 2012, 03:48 AM

My mother is such an insane bitch that murdering her is often a fantasy i play out. That's sick, I know, I'm not entirely sure that I'm all here. 95% sure I'm a loony.
  (#2046 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - November 30th 2012, 06:47 AM

She gave me an ultimatum: either she leaves or I leave. I decided to be the one who leaves because I know that she make s my dad happy and I don't want to hurt him.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
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  (#2047 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 4th 2012, 05:52 AM

I had thoughts again. must act happy....





From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How all my worst fears are letting out
He said, "Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die
  (#2048 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 4th 2012, 06:04 AM

I've changed so much in the last few years, but my family has no idea of the person I've become. I have so many secrets from them. They know almost nothing about me, and the only people who know the real me are you guys and people at school. It sucks, but I don't know how to change it.







Member since 9/27/12
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  (#2049 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 5th 2012, 12:27 AM

I cut again, and I feel so much better now, but I know I shouldn't. Now I kind of want to go back to it.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
  (#2050 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 7th 2012, 08:47 AM

I'm not over you
  (#2051 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 7th 2012, 10:44 AM

I wish for somebody to tell me they love me, and I want that person to be you, I think I've fallen for you in the worst way possible but it feels good, to be honest.

I am craving some sex, I don't know why but I want it. Such a risk, I have a higher fertillity than most...

I wish I had a gun so so I could say goodbye once and for all.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2052 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 7th 2012, 11:26 PM

I'm sat here cuddling your scarf because it makes me feel safe and smells of you <3



Take as long as you need.
  (#2053 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 10th 2012, 05:47 PM

I've lost so many people the last few years, but made so much progress.
If I lose you, all that progress will vanish
------------------
I have a regret I will carry with me for years and getting over it will be one of the hardest things I ever do. If I didn't believe so strongly in not having regrets I might take it to my grave. It's a secret I hope I take to my grave cause I'd be so ashamed if anyone else knew.


How's your life? It's been a while
God, it's good to see you smile
<3


Last edited by Tess*; December 10th 2012 at 05:54 PM.
  (#2054 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 10th 2012, 09:35 PM

Last year, I attempted suicide. After the failed attempt, a friend reached out to me, not even knowing I had attempted suicide a few months prior. He saved me and in a turn of events, I ended up saving him.

What's my secret? I found out later that the date I attempted suicide happened to be on his birthday and when he says he needs me in his life, I feel guilty and I feel like I don't deserve his friendship.




~ Chloe
Feel free to PM me anytime.


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  (#2055 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 13th 2012, 12:00 PM

My secret is that I may say I'm okay, It is just bullshit. I'm not okay, I just wish somebody saw through my facade and knew the real me. And that they could call me on it, told me to get real and let me collapse into their arms and let me cry it all out... I can hardly cry anymore even when I desperately want to...


Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2056 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 15th 2012, 02:18 AM

I want people to accept me, but I can't even accept myself.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
  (#2057 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 15th 2012, 02:19 AM

I hate the fact you're dating....

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2058 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 17th 2012, 04:26 PM

I've cried every day for the last few weeks. I don't want to do this anymore.
  (#2059 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 19th 2012, 02:16 AM

Its impossible for me to fell good about myself or somthing I've done cause I fell like I don't deserve anything good
I always feel like people, no matter who they are or what they are doing, are judging me
  (#2060 (permalink)) Old
Tigereyes Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 19th 2012, 02:33 AM

I'm actually scared to come home each day... I haven't felt this kind of ongoing fear since I left him years ago. And that thought really bothers me.
I still want to hurt myself. I want to start doing it again. I don't know if I want to stay strong anymore. It hurts so much. I've thought about running away again, but I know I won't attempt that because I have nowhere to go.


"Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful..." ~Sixx:A.M.
  (#2061 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 19th 2012, 02:41 AM

I really do love you

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2062 (permalink)) Old
Coffee. Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 21st 2012, 07:05 AM

I'm dating somebody and I want to be with two other guys.


something burning?
  (#2063 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 21st 2012, 07:11 AM

I am so sick and tired of fighting... but I have to so I can meet you in 4 days.... only hope I can make it through the storm...

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2064 (permalink)) Old
Thereishope Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 21st 2012, 07:53 AM

I'm still not over you, even though its been years.

I still have the urges, although I tell most I don't.
  (#2065 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 22nd 2012, 07:22 AM

My dad doesn't know that my step-mom have serious arguments about 4 times a week. He doesn't know that the reason I am leaving is because of her.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
Artist, Poet, and Future Social Worker
  (#2066 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 22nd 2012, 07:40 AM

I just want something casual, no feelings involved because I always end up getting hurt...
I can't even get that...

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2067 (permalink)) Old
Honey Muffin Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 22nd 2012, 08:20 AM

1. I have almost no self confidence
2. No matter how much people tell me I'm thin, I'll never believe it
3. I still feel like giving up sometimes, but I'm trying my best to stay strong


When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

  (#2068 (permalink)) Old
Coffee. Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 22nd 2012, 12:10 PM

I get the feeling everybody hates me. I'm sorry. I just can't trust anybody. Sorry I'm such a failure.


something burning?
  (#2069 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 22nd 2012, 09:01 PM

They're coming back...the suicidal urges are coming back, and they are coming back strong. I don't know how much longer I can hold off.


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
Artist, Poet, and Future Social Worker
  (#2070 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 23rd 2012, 12:47 AM

The only reason I am still alive (and have been for the past four years) is the knowledge of what it would do to my family if I wasn't.


"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" ~ Ernest Gaines

She was whole before that night,
Believed in heaven before that night,
And she's not the only one,
She knows she won't be the only one.
She's not asking what you're going to tell your daughter,
She's asking what you're going to teach your son.
  (#2071 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 29th 2012, 06:52 AM

[I think my cousin is sooooooooo attractive.


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
  (#2072 (permalink)) Old
The Darkness Offline
Nothing Began Everything
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 29th 2012, 07:07 AM

I strongly believe you don't love me anymore, but the 1% doubt is keeping me alive right now and that sickens me. The fact that I stopped cutting for you is long gone and has evolved to a belief and a promise to myself and that sickens me as well. And the daydreams and fantacies I have over you sickens me. I don't hate you, I love you with a burning passion that will carry on to my demise, but that sickens me.
You make me sick, because I adore you so~


THE POINT OF SINGULARITY IS NOTHING AS NOTHING BEGAN EVERYTHING
PULSING IN THE EXPAND CONSUME WITHOUT BARRIER OR BORDER
IT IS DARK BECAUSE IT IS THE DARKNESS IT IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS THE END
THERE IS NO SENTRY BECAUSE NONE DARE APPROACH
IT HAS NEVER BEEN AND IT IS ALL THAT EVER WAS
AT THE CENTER YOU DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER
YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF THERE IS NO CENTER AND THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY MADNESS
WE ARE ALL HERE NOW.
WE ARE ALL HERE.
WE ARE.

  (#2073 (permalink)) Old
Heretic Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 29th 2012, 07:17 AM

It was never supposed to go this far.

Now I want it to go further.


Ethos
Pathos
Logos

050516.0029
  (#2074 (permalink)) Old
Validity Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 29th 2012, 07:32 AM

I can't live without my scars and now I cut when I'm not triggered just so that I can feel the pain and know I'm still alive.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2075 (permalink)) Old
The Darkness Offline
Nothing Began Everything
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 30th 2012, 10:40 AM

The 1% hightened to about 47%. You're lucky, I guess.


THE POINT OF SINGULARITY IS NOTHING AS NOTHING BEGAN EVERYTHING
PULSING IN THE EXPAND CONSUME WITHOUT BARRIER OR BORDER
IT IS DARK BECAUSE IT IS THE DARKNESS IT IS OVER BECAUSE IT IS THE END
THERE IS NO SENTRY BECAUSE NONE DARE APPROACH
IT HAS NEVER BEEN AND IT IS ALL THAT EVER WAS
AT THE CENTER YOU DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER
YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF THERE IS NO CENTER AND THERE IS NO YOU THERE IS ONLY MADNESS
WE ARE ALL HERE NOW.
WE ARE ALL HERE.
WE ARE.

  (#2076 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 31st 2012, 11:14 AM

I wish I had never told my mom about my cutting. I know for a fact that I could have handled everything with a few bandaids placed correctly, instead of calling for help and going to the hospital. Then I would still be able to cut on my arms and be able to feel that relief. I miss it so much. The only thing keeping me from cutting at this very moment is the fact that my mom is asleep on her bed in the room that we share because we're too broke to afford anything else. If she were at work right now, I would have given in hours ago. I know that I need to take a shower tomorrow and I have a feeling that I'm going to take my blades with me and end up cutting for the first time since October 30th. Part of me doesn't care. I don't know what to do anymore.
  (#2077 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 31st 2012, 12:18 PM

Hehe, I just baited you and you took it, hook, line and sinker.

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
  (#2078 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 31st 2012, 01:46 PM

I Can't trust anyone. When someone I love trys to gain my trust and I dont give it to them I feel aweful. Like I'm a horrible person.
I hate my lfe.. and I want to die.
I wish someone can see behind my smiles and just give me a hug and whisper in my ear "I see what you are going through I'll going to stay right by your side."
I hate going to counseling
I'm in love with my best friend.
I want to be loved for me.
And the list goes on.


Eva (:
  (#2079 (permalink)) Old
Samwise Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - December 31st 2012, 07:03 PM

I know you're going through so much but for some reason that annoys and it makes me feel awful. I'm so sorry!


Some Riot - Elbow

A friend of mine grows his very own brambles
They twist all around him 'til he can't move
Beautiful, quivering, chivalrous shambles
What is my friend trying to prove?

...I think when he's drinking he's drowning some riot
What is my friend trying to hide?

...And it's breaking my heart to pour like the rain
Brother of mine, don't run with those fuckers
When will my friend start singing again?
When will my friend start singing again?
  (#2080 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - January 1st 2013, 04:01 AM

4 months down the drain. Now it just seems like there's nothing holding me back, I already screwed up and SHed why not do it again?


"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."

"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."

Smile, you are beautiful www.operationbeautiful.com

Blessed Be!
Nicole AKA Nikki
Artist, Poet, and Future Social Worker
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