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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
November 17th 2011, 08:21 AM
Almost every night lately I dream about smoking or when I'm living with my dad how maybe I could make it a habit. I used to be the social smoker that never really got urges, but I'm starting to get addicted I think and I don't want to stop. I don't care about all the crap in them or how they shorten life expectancy, etc... I don't care and I just want to be able to go and smoke when I want to and not have to hide it from parents.
I'm addicted to laxatives and although the side effects scare me, I don't want to stop.
I'm addicted to the feeling of my empty stomach and if it's not growling in hunger I just want to die for failing.
I'm not ready to get better again, I love the feeling of hunger and losing weight, the feeling of the blade on my skin, and I deserve to hate myself.
I want to kill myself again and I don't think I'll tell anybody this time.
I sort of wish someone would tell on me who knows I don't eat so I'd have to get help.
I still love him even though he has broken my heart 3 times or more in 2 months.
I deserve the pain I'm in emotionally, I deserve to be abused my aunt, I don't deserve the freedom I may soon be getting.
Resident old person, back from much needed, multiple year hiatus.
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Last edited by Tigerlily.; November 17th 2011 at 08:43 AM.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
November 18th 2011, 01:42 PM
I always wonder why I should even bother doing anything. I know when I go for something I never get it. No matter how hard I try it never happens. Fate just hates me.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
November 19th 2011, 06:20 AM
I hate that I'm almost 18 and 16 year olds have done so much more then me. I fucking hate that.. I want to go out and have fun... and be social... but my fucking mom makes that so god damn hard... but thats right... everyone else can do shit.. bitch about doing the shit... and i have to work my ass off just to have a social life... so FUCK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU that bitch about being tired on the weekend.. or "that youve done too much"... FUCK YOU
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
November 20th 2011, 07:26 AM
Where to begin. I was molested by a family member and dream about it every night. I don't eat nearly enough because the thought of eating food makes me nervous and the thought of gaining back weight makes me sick. And I cut more often then I would admit to anyone.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
November 24th 2011, 05:23 PM
My mental state is once again going downhill, and it's happening quick. I wish I knew what to do to stop it, but I know that once I it gets so bad there is no stopping it, except for one way: suicide.
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars."
"For those who don't care, for those who can't see, never give up, always thrive to be free."
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
November 27th 2011, 03:09 AM
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to keep throwing up and starving myself. Nothing is happening anymore. I lost so much weight in the beginning, but now I'm stuck. And I'm still fat. I'm still so fat. I want someone to help me through this, I'm afraid. I'm so afraid. Jeans that were once tight are now loose but I'm still fat. I'm always so tired and so hungry, but I stay up all night and don't eat until at least five or six each night. If I eat at all. I've thrown up blood more than once. I didn't tonight. I threw up everything in my stomach and there wasn't any blood this time. I'm glad there wasn't, it scares me even more when there is. It isn't much blood, but I really hope it's from an irritated throat and not from my stomach. I want help. I really want help, I want to stop before I end up killing myself. I don't want to die. I want help, but if I let anyone know they'll send me to a hospital and Carmen wouldn't understand. She couldn't understand, she was so upset when I was absent for one day. She's very autistic, everyone is so mean to her. She told me that I'm her sister. I can't leave her like that. I just can't.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
November 30th 2011, 04:40 AM
No matter how often I try to get it out of my head, There is nothing more I want in life then have a chance to be with you. Its like a slim to none chance that it will ever happen. And I know I should just accept it. But I can't really let go of that sliver of hope. God I'm a loser.
Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
December 1st 2011, 06:54 AM
I watch shows marketed for six year-old girls! (MLP:FiM)
Space Flight Awards
Geosynchronous Orbit (Kerbin)
Manned Capsule and return (Kerbin)
Space Station and Docking (Kerbin)
Equatorial/Polar Probe (Mun)
Landing Resulting in the Loss of a Kerbanaut (Mun)