Dirty Little Secrets.

I feel like I might be crumbling. I want to get a job but a part of me wonders if I am on a road to self destruction and putting the stress of a job on me is just what I need? I wonder if my desire for a job is really a desire to sabotage myself completely by putting too much on my plate.I don't think it is but what if I am wrong?

Am I EVER going to stop doubting myself?

I think I am going to be alone forever. Who would want me?

[LittleFish]

I can't remember the last time I cried. I'm hurting right now, but I have a really bad gut feeling about cutting myself. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. I just want the pain to go away.

[Heretic]

I never stopped loving you. My regrets are only overshadowed by my mistakes.

[Lullaby :)]

There's like a week or school left now before I finish and I wish that I'd reached out for help long ago at school. Now, I doubt I ever will because there's just not enough time for anybody to care enough.

I want to tell my best friend about everything but I can't because I'm scared of what will happen if she doesn't believe me...and what will happen if she does =S

He's been touching me for years but I remember it mostly from being around 14. I always think it's my fault - I didn't exactly fight him. I'd move away and try and shrug out from his touch and curl up or push his hands away. I always felt like my voice just wouldnt work so eventually I'd just go numb and blank it out as much as possible.

My mum walked in once. I was just kind of sat there. I'd let my mind go numb and he'd moved a bit away from me like a second before. She walked in and was like 'what are you two doing?', i just looked at her and he said 'messin.' All she did was say 'well dont' and then shut the door and left. Thanks. You didnt even tell him to get out of my room. She thinks I wanted him to do what he did and she pretty much told me so later. She thinks it was a one off - it wasn't.

He's three years older than me. And my brother. I can never tell her.

The reason I never told anybody was because I always think I'm too ugly and fat for anyone to want to touch me like that so I figure everyone else will think the same and not believe me. That's part of the reason why I throw up after I eat sometimes and why other times, I dont always eat.

[xxCookiiexMonsterxx]

When it all started it was a 'game' then it became 'love' before turning into 'power and greed' and 'what I deserved'
Despite every punch and hit, I cannot blame you, despite every touch, each time of sex, every time I've thrown up thinking about you, every nightmare, flashback, everytime I've bled, passed out, tried to kill myself.. Despite everything I CANT blame you, I cant see how it is your fault.. Maybe I just never told you 'No' enough, maybe it was normal.. I mean who's to say it wasnt.. && You know why I wont tell.. my sisters.. my sacrifice.. you can continue to destroy my life but I cant let you have theres.. I need to make sure they will be and stay okay.. Because of everything, I'm scared people wont believe me.. But I'm not lying. I truely didnt want you to touch me, but you did anyway.. Is it stupid to still love you though.

[noise94]

I know I used to be one of them, but I'm really getting sick of negative people.

[Batman.]

I'm suicidal, its getting worse. I was part-way through an attempt the other night, until my boyfriend stopped me. Only reason I want to quit SH is because it hurts him. But it's also all that keeps me going. He's not here for me.

[alih15]

Originally Posted by FastForward2012

Sometimes when I'm truly happy, I make myself depressed,because I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. Well,its not that I don't deserve it,I just feel...out of my comfort zone being happy. like I'm very vulnerable when I'm happy. So why not just be depressed?

p.s. i'm the only person that whited so far.haha.

I do the exact same thing. you're not alone.

[lauren_160]

The only reason i want to become a child therapist,is that in the hope i could at least give someone the happiness in theirs, that i never had.

I have lost all dignity whatsoever, and just seem to sleep with anyone who offers it, it makes me feel physically sick.

[shaytaan]

well i secretly like bleach (don't tell my sister lol)
well I'm still haunted by her death i can't get her eyes out of my head it
even though i eat like a ton i never have felt hungry :P
hurts so badly inside :"( its hard to take it like a man like my dad says
i used to watch barney
and my dad beats me regularly and the worst part is my mom used to
i've only just started to care about the smell of my breath lol
object but now she joins in i don't know what to do or feel or anything its
when home alone i talk to myself :3
suffocating me i want to die but i don't have the guts to go down the road
i've only hugged three people in my life, and none of them are my parents
instead of across the street and i wish someone can save me even she can
and i this is my favorite emoticon:
only cover it for a moment and she's the best I've got D": and i feel like an a** even typing this and i hate myself for trying to hide it :"(

[Skeleton]

The fact that I know that I have no-one to listen to me and tell me things will be okay feels as worse as being heart broken. It's killing me.

[Prozac]

I haven't been able to stop thinking about how you looked yesterday morning.

[AmberS9109]

I want you to propose.

[Eyes on Fire-Xx]

Im in love with my best friends boyfriend.
Most of the time i say im okay im just doing it to get them off my back.
I thought my self to be able to cry, wipe off the tears and look perfectly fine imidiatly.
Even tho i told my friends otherwise, i still dont plan on living past 20 at the latest, 18 if i get my way, or even 15 if it keeps going this way.
my real best friend is my kitty cat, Titan.

[Bonjour]

I'm not sure if I like the newer you as much as the original you, but deep down I still love you. I think I'll always will.

[Eyes on Fire-Xx]

Iv gotten drunk befor. on margaritas. at school. on accident. and, i realy didnt mind and eagerly await my 21st bday if i can get to it, just for a margarita. alchohlic to be? most likely. should this bother me? of corse. but does it? naw. and im 15.

[Nani2]

I'm in love with someone who might or might not love me back.
I'm scared of knowing the answer.
I'm scared that he won't be there for me always.
I'm scared that he'll die while on active duty.
I'm terrified of the idea of losing him.

I just want to have him with me always.

But you know what? I still keep my head held high because I know he wants me to. Screw that, I want myself to be happy.

[Spellbound]

You're so goddamn annoying.

[savealife723]

i like him even though he's gay.

[Allons-y!]

I want you twice as much when I think how great the sex will be.

[obelus]

Therapy isn't going to change how much I want to die, sorry to crush your hopes of me 'getting better'.

[Jackkk]

Originally Posted by lauren_160

The only reason i want to become a child therapist,is that in the hope i could at least give someone the happiness in theirs, that i never had.

Me too =] I hope i can make a difference!!!

[WingedAngel]

I feel so petty because my 'problems' are miniscule in comparison to others.

[~Mr. Self Destruct~]

I feel left behind and out every time I step into the schoolgrounds.

[Cullen]

I don't miss you.





At all.

[SaveMe]

-I want to be put back into the hospital.. just to see if you'll care..

-I want you to notice the cuts, and notice i did them, and to actually care.

-Everytime you mention another girl, or randomly sign off msn, you kill me inside..

[Charlie the wallflower]

I'll never find anyone who would date me,

Im the funny guy, so of course I could never feel down or depressed,

Im scared of missing out on so many things

Im afraid of sex

[The Darkness]

I want to kill.
Kill everyone, kill everything.
See all that rich blood seep from inside of everyone.
Then grab the gun,
And shoot myself, watch my insides break loose, my life flee away.
And I want to reign.
I want to watch anyone try to lock me up.
And die in the act.
I want them all to cry out to the gods, pleading for their lives.
I want them to beg to me.
To beg me to spare their lives.
And I will kill them.
Like how they did to me.
And I want to see their skin turn pearly white.
And watch them parish into the black hell I've lived through.
Torcher them until they die.
And pay for all the things they've done.

Maybe that statement wasn't wise to share.

[Moyshi]

I really hate starbucks drinks. That's why I spend more time talking to you, and less time finishing my drink.

[Spellbound]

It's taking every little bit of my energy to be happy right now.
I wish that I didn't depend on other people to make me feel better.
I want to find happiness within myself.

[AmazonQueen]

I want to be loved, I wish someone would just give me a chance

[Eyes on Fire-Xx]

i make friends with the people i hate so i cant gossip and bitch about them to my real friends. just for the hell of it.

[emoticon]

im just friends with you right now so i'll get over you. then i'm gonna dump you like a rock. jsut like all those times you did to me. but i'm different from you, i won't be coming back.

[Batman.]

I love him more than anything but he's hurt me so much before, I've tried to OD because of him. Sometimes I still wish I succeeded.

I care about my friend James more than I care about my well-being, or decency, since I've flashed him on cam, then cut from guilt.

I hate working with my mom, especially because I can't be myself ANYWHERE, nor even have a cigarette.

I hope Jason never reads this, since I'd kill myself out of guilt. I regret ever doing things like flashing James. And I don't know why I did it. I'm crying, and will end up cutting myself up.

[Snufkin]

I laughed off the suggestion that I would regret a decision I made on New Year's Eve 2008. I thought that I would get over it within a week and I'd forget about it by the next.

I still regret it.

[AmazonQueen]

I wish I wasn't so lonely, I wish my internet friends were real, like that they were here in real life my only REAL best friend it feels, lives in Kansas I wish I knew Silver Jackal he has a good personality.

[savealife723]

i know that him and i "broke up" in april, and i thought i was handling it really well, but i just can't do it. i think about him all the time, and when he text'd me telling me that he was going to call me, i can't explain how much my heart skipped. i stayed up for a long time just waiting for him to call, and i stayed up for at least a week just waiting. but he never did. i dont't know what to do. /: bleh. i still think about him all the time. and i can't help it! but i can't tell him.

[newbie552]

I'm still trying to change myself, I hate the way I am.

[SunnyBlueShowers]

awwah im sorry :|
that happend to me once..not the best feeling ever.
we've been through alot together.
i know it seems unbearable, but you eventually get over it.

[ThePunkAlien]

I might seem strong. But every day I'm falling apart. I still don't know anything. I'm still broken inside and yeah sometimes I feel like a piece of shit the world forgot. Guess what, that's what I am. The runt. The one the world forgot who somehow got ahead. Yippie. I got the balls, but I ain't got a soul. Only my closest friends, not even adoptive family, know I feel like a refuge from the lost and found.