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  (#641 (permalink)) Old
WhySoSerious? Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 20th 2009, 10:17 PM




~Where death is I am not, where I am death is not, so we never meet~


I'd rather die terrified

than live forever.
We will all die so gloriously, that having ever lived will seem like folly.
-Asofterworld

  (#642 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 22nd 2009, 05:01 AM

... i want you to hold me ...








tight.


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
  (#643 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 22nd 2009, 10:10 AM

I'm falling for you....
  (#644 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 23rd 2009, 11:24 PM

I wish I could be with you right now... I want you.
  (#645 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 23rd 2009, 11:44 PM

... i puked. and i don't regret it.

not one bit.


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
  (#646 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 24th 2009, 05:10 AM

I threw up after I ate. On purpose. And it felt really good...

But now I can't seem to stop crying, and it feels like nobody at all really seems to care.

And when I talk, I feel invisible, so it makes me feel worse, and I feel worse about myself...and want to eat even less.

Someone hear my cry...
  (#647 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 24th 2009, 10:12 AM

I masturbate several times a day.

I've given myself head before.

I like to toy my ass every once in awhile.

I pee in the shower.

I've never had a job and I'm scared of the real world.

I've never had a gf or have done anything remotely sexual with another person.

I have almost no confidence in myself and sometimes I think I have depression.
  (#648 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 24th 2009, 10:45 AM

Don't go ;( Please...



How can one love themselves, when they love absolutely nothing?
Do something that is interesting. If it is not interesting, find out why it is not interesting.
  (#649 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 25th 2009, 02:42 AM

I don't think anything matters.
--
That heavy feeling is descending again...


"He not busy being born is busy dying."
  (#650 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 27th 2009, 12:57 PM

I really like this guy at work. We clicked as soon as we met and we have so much in common it's unreal. He has a girlfriend who left for uni last week. They've been together for a year and a half. I'm jealous as hell, but I am not going to try anything, I don't wanna be the girl that breaks them up


You can't move mountains by whispering at them.

Take a look at my art here:
http://attemptedart.tumblr.com/
  (#651 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 27th 2009, 01:33 PM

I still like her..
  (#652 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 27th 2009, 01:40 PM

I'm fucking this guy just to get over you...
But I miss you more than anything and will be pretending that he is you...
You make me feel small and pathetic...
Stop texting me and delete my number...
But don't forget me...please...


Who do you carry that torch for, my young man?
Do you believe in anything?
Or do you carry it around just to burn things down?

Meet me tonight on the turnpike my darling,
where we believe in everything.
If we sweat all these debts then we're sure to drown,
so let's strap ourselves up to this engine now
with our God who we found laying under the back seat.
  (#653 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 27th 2009, 05:54 PM

I havent thrown up or self harmed in about three days
but already i feel ugly,fat and out of control,i cant make this voice in my head stop,i might give in tonight,i love this feeling i get from it so much.no matter how wrong it seems.


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
  (#654 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 27th 2009, 11:16 PM

I'm falling for you and it hurts.
  (#655 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 28th 2009, 03:26 AM

My wee secret: I actually have no idea what's going on. I'd say/think that I were regressing emotionally, socially, mentally, and intellectually except I haven't changed in years. So, not regression but stagnation. Which is at least as bad.
I feel like I'm less and less able to gather my mind together and function, but maybe that's because it's the same as ever and I'm becoming increasingly aware of how much more capable I ought to be. It feels like regression when really nothing has changed at all, because the expectation of improvement- of forward motion- is there but everything is standing still. Make sense?
Probably not.


"He not busy being born is busy dying."
  (#656 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 28th 2009, 02:39 PM

For five minutes i need you to hold me,hug me, and kiss me again.so i can feel like for once in my life i have something solid to hold on to,instead of this constant feeling of slipping and sliding in my mind from reality.


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
  (#657 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 28th 2009, 02:52 PM

I love her yet I can't fight for her.
  (#658 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 28th 2009, 03:21 PM

Gosh, on Saturday, standing next to you during the awards ceremony for Band, it was the best, being that close to you, I had to control every movement so I wouldn't end up like Bella, hyperventilating, my heart beating like crazy, it sent to most amazing feeling through me, I wonder if you know this. I like you so much, will you ever realize this? Am I really so different that I can be only thought of as a friend, only a sister type like?


"Others say there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just say Crud, there isn't... I'm stuck in this stupid revolving door..." -Me
PM me anytime you want to talk about anything.And I mean ANYTHING AT ALL!
Formerly achava_elah_18


Been in love since May 2008

Fellow SI,Autism-Spectrum,Depression,Anxiety,Musical,Trichotilloman ia Person. Basically, I'm ME!
  (#659 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 28th 2009, 03:32 PM

I am angry with myself because I have been eating. When I eat I feel like a failure. I feel like the world is crumbling. The feeling of starving is one of the only times I feel whole.

I've been attracted to men and I have been attracted to woman. How can I accept myself when you don't even understand?

I wish more than anything you were happy so that I could end it all. Once you are happy and find the right person my life will end. That makes me weak.
  (#660 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 28th 2009, 05:35 PM

I have a plan.
  (#661 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 28th 2009, 06:53 PM

i... im a lil bit scared yeah... but i guess thats ok.... cuz i wanna be with you forever..... and... well... your the one im made for.... x and i guess i really do love you.. which is new to me really... cuz im a shallow person..... and yeah.... tbh i dont treat people how i should, yes i am a hypocrite... yes i am a really shallow person... yes i hate myself..... yes im a fucked up mistake of a person.... but i love you


XANDER

am i in love? or am i being used?
  (#662 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 29th 2009, 11:06 PM

3 months, I won't let you stop this from happening.


You were the angel of my life, taught me to be free
Now I'm a stranger in your eyes.
  (#663 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 30th 2009, 02:47 AM

i lost the game.





hahah.
sorry (: !


When you can't find your way home,
and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
  (#664 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - September 30th 2009, 04:44 AM

I ruined my five days of being self harm free,while i regret it,I loved every minute of it
Im losing my will to live


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
  (#665 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 1st 2009, 09:54 PM

I sometimes feel like no matter what 'social group' I'm in I'll never really fit in. I get attracted to men a lot older than me.

I want somebody to love me and not in a 'friendship/family' way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by savealife723 View Post
i lost the game.





hahah.
sorry (: !
Noooooooooooooooo I haven't thought about that in about 2 months =)) lame </3


"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
  (#666 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 2nd 2009, 04:16 AM

Whenever I have something to drink my pinky sticks out unless I consciously resist it - which I do most of the time.



  (#667 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 2nd 2009, 02:32 PM

Im scared of everyone leaving me,that they will all finally see me as i see myself.I see myself as this horrible,annoying,ugly,fat,pathetic excuse for a person,constantly making excuses and very stupid.Im waiting for the day everyone else sees it to...or is it just me?


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
  (#668 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 3rd 2009, 02:01 AM

I'm trying to be strong for her, I'm trying, I promise I am.
But I'm falling apart.
I love her so much... I'm so scared.
I love her.


You are the one, the one who lies next to me,
Whispers "hello, I missed you quite terribly"


  (#669 (permalink)) Old
amystery Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 3rd 2009, 02:14 AM

Now...I see the same awkward, shy girl you see and I hate it. You made me see the bad things because that's what you see in me..
  (#670 (permalink)) Old
I'm Not Who You Think I Am
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 3rd 2009, 04:24 AM

I still regret doing THAT.

I wish I could take back things I said to you, I know it's too late, but I'm sorry too.

I wish I could tell everyone why I do these things..

I still think about him every day.. and it still makes me feel sick

I worry about the future.. if I even have one..

I cant ever explain to anyone about the medication..

I O'd last night.. I dont regret it.. I regret it not being enough..

I was the one who broke the mirror..

He's back..He never left.. but he's back in control.. and Im scared..


[x] Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You wont try for me, not now,
Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone,

Isn't something missing?
Isnt someone missing me [x]

Baby, i want you to be my superman.
  (#671 (permalink)) Old
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:) lets hug.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 4th 2009, 02:47 AM

I wish I had a real reason to be so depressed.

Everyday you ask the same question and everyday I'm lying.


You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall
  (#672 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 4th 2009, 11:13 PM

I am completely and thoroughly Terrified beyond all rationality.


-Let the Music Play-
"There's no way to explain why life is filled with so much pain. But do the flowers ever grow in the places it don't rain?"

"But the unfortunate truth is that, while being different from everyone else can be exciting at first, ultimately it can get a little lonely."

"The floor seemed wonderfully solid. It was comforting to know I had fallen and could fall no further."
  (#673 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 4th 2009, 11:42 PM

We are both falling apart in front of our parents eyes, and i dont know how to stop it,Im SCARED


Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
Cut free since March 6th 2013
Purge free since March 8th 2013
  (#674 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 5th 2009, 12:58 AM

i have a hickey that i've been hiding and secretly like that its there because i feel like he marked me as his
i'm glad they're not friends anymore.


joanna
  (#675 (permalink)) Old
MERlot Offline
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 6th 2009, 06:51 AM

I feel like I can't handle you guys anymore. All I ever to is give, give, give, and I never get anything back. You don't care. If you did you would stop lying. If you did you wouldn't be so mean. If you did you would open up. If you did you would actually say something.

I'm giving up on you. I'm sorry <3


You're only as tall as your heart will let you be
And you're only as small as the world will make you seem
When the going gets rough and you feel like you may fall
Just look on the brightside - you're roughly six feet tall
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 7th 2009, 10:17 AM

I'm sick of playing this game with you. That's all it is. I realise I meant nothing.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 7th 2009, 02:02 PM

I'm not scared of dying, I just CAN'T leave her.
I LOVE HER.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 7th 2009, 02:07 PM

Person 1: I wish I could talk to you, but I can't. I think you're too good for me.
Person 2: I wish I could talk to you again, but it just will make things worse and you'll trick me into sleeping with you again. I refuse to let you do that to me. I deserve better than you.

~Kitten


"I was born with an enormous need for affection and a terrible need to give it."- Audery Hepburn

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."- Walt Disney

Think happy thoughts...and boys will buy you diamonds!"- Hello Kitty


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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 7th 2009, 08:37 PM

I wish I'd made my move while I still had the chance.
Now he's got her and he'll never know how happy he made me.
I shouldn't have waited until it was too late.
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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. - October 7th 2009, 08:40 PM

I sort-of still believe you and kinda miss youuu, even though I know you just wanted to manipulate me. Sometimes I wish we had of been alone.
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