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Re: What are you thinking? -
September 9th 2014, 02:39 AM
I feel something between being disappointed in myself, longing (slight sadness, bittersweet), being unfortunate while surprisingly fortunate, tiredness and hopefulness right now. This is hard to describe, but... I'm sad, and in pain, but not at complete since I don't have a definite reason to be sad and depressed right now; my eyes are sticking out of the water, held by a hook.
It rains slow... or not at all. When am I gonna start understanding myself better so I can move on with my life with some confidence for a change...
I wish things go well. I don't want to worry or imagine the worst.
I still miss...maybe that is why. Long day it will be.
Re: What are you thinking? -
September 9th 2014, 06:41 PM
I am mentally numb, which is actually good because I am not suffocated by my own thoughts and feelings. I'm feeling it's slowly coming to an end, however.
Re: What are you thinking? -
September 11th 2014, 09:37 AM
I will have to risk a lot of myself...accepting reality as it is, organize.organize.organize.lessen.increase.
I don't know why I would complain, honestly, I'm completely fearless towards the situation... I'm delaying probably 1/50 of my life, even that is a lot, slowing down my process and stuff, but it's just true... you live only once.
I'd rather try to pursue my dreams first before surrendering to a comfortable life. I will get to do this only once. There is only one chance. Chances are there for a reason.
...if this is really... which it truly is, one of a time chance
to pursue something... I refused to believe in all these years, because it sounded too good to be true. Imagine that. I have not felt it until now... like it is possible to come.
And I can't believe I still don't have one friend whom I can trust to understand me.
Talk and talk, it doesn't reach their heads the same way.
If I had friends in real life it wouldn't make a difference. People here are just dull, ordinary, self centered as hell, close minded and conservative.
Wish I could stop wasting time too.
If that happens, I'm good. Sigh.
Re: What are you thinking? -
September 14th 2014, 04:41 AM
I don't know what to make of it. There's something so deeply wrong with this picture, something that will never be fixed
No one has such patience. Plus there's a chance its useless
Ive been crying for over 30 hours on and off
I don't know what to do with myself.
Re: What are you thinking? -
September 15th 2014, 01:21 AM
Have so much chest pain on my left side.
Dad called from halfway across the country. Said he didn't eat anything all day because there's not much healthy options. At least eat an apple? canned beans or idk. Family members been calling and behaving suspiciously superficial.
Re: What are you thinking? -
September 15th 2014, 12:01 PM
Hey this song is in French.
Why haven't I studied.. It's like I'm back to how I was years ago.
Still so many urges to self harm won't they ever go away arg.
I wonder what my sisters up to
Should probably do something. So much tiredness, I feel like I can't be bothered.. Exams tomorrow.. Not good i don't know I'm tired I did nothing all day why'd I have to waste it oh well. Hm. Wonder how ill feel in exam tomorrow
Re: What are you thinking? -
September 16th 2014, 05:23 PM
I wanna eat out and something expensive right now... but it's so late. And dark. I can order but that's stupid. Ugh. Just wait for morning.
I need the money for other more important things though.