Triggering: Complaint of the Day 2

Bummed we're not spending Thanksgiving with my sister and her husband's family today. Damn strep throat.

[Storyteller.]

There was something I needed to remember to do today, but I'm entirely blanking on it. Here's hoping it wasn't important.

I am tired of being me.

Seems like people constantly pick on me and I can't do anything right. Had a decent time with family but then the comments about my weight and other things occurred.

I am thankful that you are noticing my weightloss but 'You look good' makes me feel like shit because it implies I didn't before.

Also, no the new dish I made had very little to do with some diet thing...it literally had to do with the fact that I've wanted to experiment with things for years but have always been hesitant because I don't want to ask my dad to pay for it.

This side dish was pretty inexpensive ... I think it cost a total of $10-$15. I suppose it might have cost more but most the ingredients we already have.

I am pretty sure today has been one of the weirdest days ever. I just want to curl into bed and sleep.

Also, my cat messed up some of the presents I wrapped. I was able to fix them up okay BUT I had to spend 45 minutes fixing them up and rearranging the presents in hopes that if she gets into them she won't mess up the wrapping paper.

My package was shipped on Friday but the tracking has not been updated. It likely won't update till next week and it's really lame! I want my book!

Probably not going to sleep tonight.
My sleep has been off since Wednesday. I'm not sleeping one night, sleeping the next night and not sleeping the night after. Wednesday night I didn't sleep so I was tired. Thursday night I slept. Friday night I got minimal sleep. On and on it goes.

It sucks because my boyfriend and I were going to go see a movie. Now I might be too tired.

[Kintsukuroi.]

Half past two in the morning is not the time for a walk despite the fact I accidentally said the word for it. I guess I am because you brought me your leash and the bag with your coat and boots and you’re sitting at the door waiting... I highly am regretting training you to do this plus I really need to learn to not say that unless I am planning on it.

I got the letter. They were fucking rude and aren't going to do it. That's cool though because I expected it. I might still be able to do something about it but if not ... I guess it's not a big deal.

What is a fucking big deal is how everyone is like "It's not a big deal" or "Don't worry about it." I get it, I've got other opportunities headed my way. I might not EVEN need this particular certificate but it still feels like a big deal to me because it's one less option that I have available.

I wish people could understand that!!

[matthewmatters]

still early in the day (coming up to 10 in the morning) so don't have mine for today yet but here's yesterdays which i haven't shared

a woman in the city center seemed friendly like she wanted to chat and at first i think ohh this never happens and it turned out to be about something maybe you need to sign up as she wanted to know if i were 26 yet for some reason?? i didnt have anything with me to show my age
also was depressed because of what had happened just minutes before so the conversation wently badly anyway but i did apologize and told her she probaly hoped for a more cheerful conversation and thanked her for trying at least when plenty of people dont (they may walk away, ignore me or tell me to go away!)

Have a bit of a headache

Also didn't realize my boyfriend was going to school tonight.

People can be so ungrateful. Complain now, but they can be gone in the blink of an eye.

I have been feeling restless and irritable all day. This has led to me not being able to get some of the things on TH done. Hopefully I can do all that tomorrow.

[daisy_jam]

I don't understand hospital logics at all. I'm in unbearable pain and y'all send me home.

Amazon sent me a few too many damaged items and they are being less than ideal in how they are handling.

[Fanatic]

Even though I know I have loving people in my life, I still want to end my life. and I don't know why. :/

Woke up in a terrible mood. Wishing I weren't here.

It doesn't look like my black Friday book order will be here today. This kind of sucks but, apparently it will be here by Thursday.

I can never find a comfortable position to sit in.

[.Brittany.]

I hate being in chronic pain every day..

[Storyteller.]

I don't like the thought of confrontation but I know I need to be assertive in this situation. I just wish it wasn't so stressful.

I accidentally let him know I’m still in love with him. I never wanted him to find out.

but he’s not in love with me anymore. he made sacrifices, but he has the ability to move on. I can’t.

[daisy_jam]

My complaint of the day is why do migraines exist and why on this day?

I feel so apathetic today

My friends didn't go out. Was looking forward to getting out of the house for a bit.

Looks like that won't be happening much for another week.

[Fanatic]

Nothing much is happening in my life. But I keep having these damn suicidal thoughts over and over. It’s quite tormenting that I just want to just end everything and give in.

[daisy_jam]

I'm feeling very very insignificant today.

I'm tired of waking up early all the time!

[Fanatic]

I dont know how to get help...Im tired of it but at the same time m, want someone to notice im hurting so much inside..I feel utterly useless. I shouldve just died...someone kill me please.

I need to buy new clothes because nothing fits anymore. I ended up crying in the Target dressing room because size X jeans were too big - how have I gotten too small to wear size X, but I don’t look any different? I don’t have money to buy new clothes, but I look like a child playing dress up in everything I currently own. I’ll go to GoodWill or something. It’s winter, I can wear oversized sweaters and not be questioned. I have to have jeans and pants that fit though.

I tried on a skirt that I adored at Target, and the smallest size was too big for my waist. I’m not that skinny, but my waist is small (even I realize that). The attendant told me to check out the kids section, they have similar stuff. I’m a 20 year old woman, basics are one thing to buy from the kids section, but a skirt? I’m mortified. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I never thought my eating disorder would go so far. I’m terrified of losing any more weight, but eating would make me gain. Starving can solve my problems, right?

[Tigereyes]

I guess now my biggest regret is not killing myself before people needed me. I wish I could end it because this is too much. I can't stay alive, stay clean, and stay in college all at once. But I've caused enough pain to those I care about, and I know I would hurt them more by doing that. But if I were to go, I wouldn't have to hurt them anymore...

I have a headache from crying and barely eating. Maybe I'll lose the last bit of weight I need to.

[Tigereyes]

I'm not sure I believe that recovery is possible anymore... Even if it is,
maybe it's too late for me, maybe I don't want it.

I can't help feeling like I just gave up on him. I know he feels that way.

[Tigereyes]

I've lost everyone else and everything else. I'll try to fix this with you, but if it doesn't work and I lose you too, I'm honestly probably just going to finally end it. This hurts too much. I'm sorry.

[daisy_jam]

Whoo sick again thanks to my weak immune system. You da bomb. I can't help but feel so worthless today.

[Fanatic]

Someone committed suicide on my college campus last night and I secretly wished I couldve die with him...

[Tigereyes]

I don't want anything anymore. I don't want to feel better, to be happy, or any of that. I just want to feel nothing. Even if that means I never feel anything positive again. Because the pain is so overwhelming that I doubt I'll ever feel okay again anyway.

The joint on my right index finger is hurting.

My 14-year-old cousin posted a picture of a dress she wanted, but didn’t come in her size. Her comment with it was about how she doesn’t get to wear clothes she wants because she eats. Rationally, I know that the comment wasn’t directed at me, but the comment still felt personal. She’s a junior that has to shop in the woman’s section. I’m a woman that has to shop in the junior’s section. Our problems are both valid, but only hers is heard. I was thinking about that today, how as a small woman, my woes about clothing aren’t listened to. I am disappointed when a store doesn’t stock my size because it’s smaller than average, but I’m not allowed to complain because being skinny means I have no issues (nevermind the methods I used to get skinny). If someone complains that a store doesn’t have their size because it’s larger than average, they’re listened and apologized to (even if not accommodated). It’s humiliating to be 20 years old and needing to shop in a section made for girls half your age (and still not being able to find anything because you’re too damm tall). I just want to be normal. I don’t look skinny, but I guess I am. I just want to be normal. I want to be healthy.

[daisy_jam]

Sinus infection can fuck off
& here to being bullied once again

[obelus]

This hurts so much and I think coming off of the medication caused it.