Triggering: Complaint of the Day 2

[Dawn.]

I hope it comes back negative.

[Dawn.]

I don't feel so well both physically and mentally.

Another night of not reading

[Tigereyes]

Vivid PSTD nightmares..

[Tigereyes]

I need to fucking kill myself. If it's still not better by mid-December, I'm fucking leaving. Same date I set like 5 months ago. Haven't fucking changed my mind because shit just keeps fucking getting worse every fucking day I'm unfortunately still alive for some damn reason. I don't even care. And there's no one left to care.

[Fanatic]

Life sucks...I’m failing school, I have a hefty medical bill, I’m broke af, I lost my job..ugh I wanna die

[Storyteller.]

The neighbours are blasting music and it's really starting to stress me out.

[Everglow.]

As far as I see it I have two options:
1. Keep my work hours as they are, have panic attacks the night before work, panic attacks at work, cry a lot, but have a reason to leave the house and function as a semi-normal person
2. Halve my hours and go back to just weekends so I'm not so stressed and not so anxious, but potentially end up more depressed and alone than before, with no motivation to get out of bed, and potentially stop functioning as a semi-normal person

How do I choose?

[Tigereyes]

There's no help for me.

[Dawn.]

I hate having anxiety.

[Dawn.]

It's so hot here!

[Tigereyes]

The flashbacks make me extremely suicidal in the past time, and there's no way to know what's real and what's not. There's no advice for me because the first step is recognizing it's a flashback, and that's impossible.

[Tigereyes]

Dissociating hard and no one cares. I need to drive, so I have no choice but to push through when I probably shouldn't. There's no one here. All alone. At least dissociation is better than flashbacks. Though some of my flashbacks are to when I had to dissociate my way through the trauma I couldn't escape. I'm losing my mind here in the car. Waiting to see if it'll be safer to drive soon. If this passes. Will it end? When will it end? Where am I? How did I get here? Where do I go? No where is safe. I can't escape? How long have I been here? Does anyone care at all?

[Dawn.]

I just don't want to work there anymore.

[Fanatic]

No disability, no help. I feel like I’ve been given up on. Feel hopeless. My mental illness feels invalid. Is it cause I’m afraid that others don’t want to see my pain? I want to hurt myself and hurt someone. I feel such anger at myself and people for making me this way.

I'm hungry but I know it's a lie. Every time I eat I end up throwing up or at least wanting to throw up.

[Dawn.]

I'm feeling quite overwhelmed with everything that's going on at the moment.

[Tigereyes]

It's my birthday in a few days. Maybe I'll do something for myself for once and end this suffering for good. Happy birthday to me; I'm going to kill myself.

[Tigereyes]

Only reason I'm not killing myself right now is because I'm not physically alone at the moment.

[Dawn.]

I really need to learn how to calm down and to be more motivated.

[Dawn.]

I'm not sure if I want to do this anymore.

They don't see that I am trying to change for the better, even if it's in a minuscule amount.

[Tigereyes]

No one cares. No one understands. It's not that fucking simple! I'm tired of explaining over and over. I'm here alone to suffer. I'm ready to go.

[Dawn.]

I just feel shattered all the time.

[DeletedAccount53]

84 cord of hornbeam and ash to be chopped and stacked this weekend. That's 304 cubic metres! Problem is, where to put it all.

[Rivière]

I had another nose bleed.

[Dawn.]

I just want to stop feeling so anxious all the time.

[Rivière]

I ended up having to do almost all the cleaning again. My hands are getting so dry. Even with cream because I end up having to wash it off.

The x-rays showed no broken bones but my fingers are still not lining up right so something is off. No one will believe me though.

[Rivière]

The back of my neck is well and truly stiff from carrying all that shopping on my back yesterday. I suppose I could consider it a pre-workout workout for today.

[Dawn.]

Urgh, I just wish my life was stress free and normal.

[Dawn.]

Urgh, I hate that time of the month.

[Dawn.]

I don't want to go back to work tomorrow.

[Dawn.]

I don't want to feel this anxious anymore.

[Rivière]

I can't sleep.

[Dawn.]

Urgh, I don't want to go back to work this week. I wish we got a decent amount of time off during these holidays.

[DeletedAccount53]

Fucking rich kids in the mini city-state! They weren't even born here!

[Rivière]

My butt hurts from all this sitting.

Time to get up and do something else for a bit before my butt becomes flat as a fart.

I am so achy right now! My back, my knees, my chest, my neck.

I'm worried I'm not gonna sleep tonight. That'll make work a fucking bear to get through.