Triggering: Complaint of the Day 2

[Odyne]

Nervous for all the food today

And the anxiety hits

[Odyne]

So tired...
Stupid side-effects of medication.

[Rivière]

I feel really bad. Knowing I insulted you. I know you said it's ok but I can't help but feel bad. I don't think I can enjoy the rest of my day knowing I really insulted you.

I'm struggling with anxiety so badly right now.

[Odyne]

Hangover but that’s my own fault

I wish I could call in sick

So lousy practicing. I need to practice more if I want to make it to State.

[Rivière]

I have so many mixed feelings. I do my very best to support him and myself, my family too. I try to listen to him when he has problems, or help him with his work... but this is rarely reciprocated. Last night I thought it was really sweet how he said he wanted to check up on me, but it ended up just being so he could do sex talk and offload his problems onto me and then go away again after he was done.

It's the same thing over and over and I'm getting really tired of it. I feel taken advantage of so many times. Every time I try and talk to him about any issues I have he just says he has to go. I can't tell if he knows and doesn't care. Knows and can't help do what he's doing. Doesn't realise what he's doing, or anything else. I can only conclude he doesn't have the emotional capacity to deal with me... and that's pretty upsetting.

Somehow everyone else finds time to talk to me, or reassure me and listen to me. Someone else even offered me a hug. But not him. He has no time for me.

Well, I guess they aren't taking me seriously. Maybe I should just not write well thought out messages anymore.

I feel weird but the past four hours went by quickly so many the same will happen for the rest of the day.

[Rivière]

One of my flatmates won't stop playing loud music or TV shows late at night. And keeps opening and closing her desk drawers as early as 6 AM for an entire hour.

We've already spoke to her her about the noise. I've already asked her to stop slamming her drawers because it keeps waking me up yet she keeps doing it. It's also exam period with a huge sign on the entrance to the flat that says no noise and that anyone found in breach of the no noise period will face a disciplinary. We could literally report her to security right now and she could end up in severe trouble. Not only is she playing noise past the 11 PM cut off time, but also during exam period.

I so want to tell security, but if I do that it'd be obvious it's me, and she could make things awkward for me when I bring someone over and we make a little bit of noise even if it's not exam period. Just to spite me.

Work was stressful

[Tigereyes]

Seems like this journal is my only friend, and eventually I won't even have that left..

I don't want to be at work.
I have homework I have to get done tonight. It's not going to be hard but tedious.
Oh well, at least I get four days off.

So tired and bloated.

The anxiety I'm feeling right now is so intense. It's the first day in a few that I've been this anxious.

My anxiety is more than I can take

It's not even 3pm and I have a headache that doesn't seem to want to go away.

Fuck!

So cold and miserable outside!

[Fanatic]

Woke up to a fucking mess and realized how messed up the world is. I want nothing but to hurt myself and escape from this hell hole.

I am worried I messed things up.

I feel guilty about today. I shouldn't but I do

[Fanatic]

I don’t know why it’s feels like no one likes to talk anymore. But when you don’t, everyone all sudden wants to. Sometimes you got to act like you don’t care I guess. Humans are difficult and complex to understand. I don’t understand people.

[Tigereyes]

I actually miss homework and studying because at least I know how to push through that and be productive. This career shit--I have no fucking idea what I'm doing or how to make progress. I feel like I'm losing my mind, and I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to who understands. I don't have the support I need. I'm not sure I believe careers are a real thing. I don't know what I'm doing. I didn't expect myself to survive college. I thought I would die before I graduated. And now I'm supposed to have shit together, and I've never felt so lost and alone. I don't know what I want to do with my life because I didn't expect to still be alive. I don't know what my interests are because I sacrificed everything to survive school. I'm miserable and I don't know how to fix it. I don't have enough experience. I don't have money for anything, including therapy. I need therapy.

Suchhhhhhh an idiottttt.

[Fanatic]

Feel awful and numb. Also I feel worthless and disgusting. Utterly alone and feel uncared about. Absolutely worthless and useless.

I feel like I just completely wasted what could have been an exciting weekend.

I have felt terribly exhausted all day and it sucks.

[Fanatic]

Feel invisible, ignored, and want to cut myself. I feel abandoned by people who I dont feel care about me.

So sleepy and hungry.

[Tigereyes]

I just need a friend.. really badly..

And a safe place to live. And enough money for bills and food... but nothing else.

Is that really so unreasonable?

This week seems longer than normal. It's only Thursday. Usually I look forward to Thursdays but right now I just want the week to be over!!!

[Tigereyes]

Been living off of caffeine pills and stress and sugar. My body is dead exhausted and so am I. I don't want to try anymore. I have no motivation left. Why fucking bother when effort doesn't give you results.

My anxiety about going to work has increased 10 fold

[Tigereyes]

I've set a date. If it doesn't get better by then, I'm giving up. For good.

Had a bad day at work

[Tigereyes]

Been so sick for so long that I got sick yet again too. Is being exhausted valid NOW?

Work is stressful and I still have four hours left

[Rivière]

My flatmate just will NOT stop being so noisy! I've called security, I've emailed the halls team about her. Even when security asked her to turn it down, 2 hours later she turns her sound back up.

Even though the halls team took her away to give her an informal disciplinary, even though she 'thinks' she's now being much quieter, she isn't. Whatever speakers she uses is literally drumming through the walls. Even when I've knocked on the wall a lot, or asked her to stop, she never listens.