Triggering: Complaint of the Day 2

[Tigereyes]

I really don't know what to do, but I have to figure it out RIGHT now. There are no good options, just bad and worse. And I have to keep my mouth shut about all of this so that I don't make things even worse.

Didn't get any reading done. Not sure I'll get to where I want to by Friday.

I wish that I didn't feel anxiety about going to that place without my friend's. I'd really like to go tonight but doubt it will happen because anxiety is shit.

I'm also feeling like I don't have friend's. I suck at initiating much of anything and no one is hanging out at the normal place we do....so I am at a place where ... I just don't initiate. I still have friend's and I know they'd be open to hanging out but I can't fucking initiate shit.

My breathing is bad again. I really need to go to the doctor. Maybe I'll look into scheduling something towards the end of the year. At least I am not getting sick which is what I was afraid of last night

A box I ordered has been in preshipment today. I'm nervous because she said it should shi out yesterday. It's the first time I ordered.

I know there were delays with the holiday.. If it doesn't update by Monday I'll message her.. I paid good money for that. I don't want to make a big deal but I want my box and there have been no update

I am still angry at my dad. He believes the same thing that the rest of the world does. I really shouldn't be disappointed by I am.



Maybe all these old people should consider why the younger generation is so entitled. We are not the ones who came up with the idea for participation trophies...if we are being honest.

[daisy_jam]

Tonight I'm feeling super ignored and super sad. Nothing is cheering me up. I just love the loneliness today.

Cannot get the thoughts of self harm out of my head. Please make it stop.


It feels like the only thing to do is to cave...who would know?

As okay as yesterday was I was hoping to not have to do anything but training till Wednesday. Anxiety is rampant even though I know it will be okay.

Even though yesterday was okay I was hoping to do menial stuff till Wednesday. That changed and my anxiety is rampant. I know it's okay but I can't help the feel.

I also can't stand that my dad thinks that in order for me to keep up my appearance I need to wear makeup. It's obvious that I don't. I hate how shitty he makes me feel about myself.

Work is boring. Nothing to do until later. I want to do more then read but I'd prefer reading at this point. Meh, at least I get to go home and make dinner. This weekend should be good though

I'm tired and bored. Kind of hungry, but I know that feeling isn't hunger. Just my gastric reflux acting up.

[Tigereyes]

Wow I was really fucked up and so was my life. Oh... and that hasn't changed..

Found out something disappointing but I'll have to look into it a bit more. I'll find out more on the 18th and 19th.

No amount of caffeine will be able to keep me awake now.

[Everglow.]

I don't want to work a 10 hour shift tomorrow.

[Storyteller.]

So many things are happening at once and it's all making me feel really uncomfortable.

I woke up too early. Ill try and go to sleep again but if not I guess I'll read. It will make the day so much longer.

I woke up at 4am and not sure I'll get back to sleep

[Tigereyes]

This apartment is too quiet with everyone gone.. Just me and my thoughts alone in silence.

Two hours left but feeling tired. Good thing I can make Mac and cheese for dinner if I get hungry. I'm too zoned out to do much else.

[Tigereyes]

I can't go back again for "a week or so." Please stop trying to force me to do way more than I can handle.

[Everglow.]

Got a call from someone about a possible job but my anxiety isn't letting me return the call.

I regret that but I don't.

[TraitorBaby]

I hate you.
And my head hurts.
And I'm hungry and feeling weak but not sure what to eat if there even is anything.

[Tigereyes]

Panic attacks make me want to drink..

I have therapy today and no desire to go.

[Tigereyes]

So tired, can't focus on work. Need to focus on myself, but you need my help. I've worked like 2 full weeks straight for you, no days off, no weekends. Can't I please have a break? You're wearing me out, but you want me to do well in school next semester. I'm pushing myself too hard, and you're pushing me even harder. But my health comes first, right? Or is it health first, unless it affects grades or whatever work you need me to do? So basically, health comes second most of the time.

Dealing with family irritates me. Sometimes I wish I could move to a different state. The onky contact I'd have to have is phone calls and the occasional text.

[Storyteller.]

This wasn't even worth staying up for.

It bothers me that I care.
It bothers me that I'm jealous.

M&S never meant as much as C&A did.

I am going to complain again today.
I am dreading going back to work tomorrow and it's not because I don't like it. It's not because I don't want to work. It's because I don't want to sit around for another week with absolutely nothing to do worrying about if I am making a bad impression.
I had to come up with ways to keep myself preoccupied and I am sure that showed initiative but what if they thought I was being lazy.

Tempted to take my medication right now and just sleep the night away but I can't because my luck I'll wake up at like 230am

My brain won't quiet down, I can't sleep.

[daisy_jam]

Spirograph is making me so pissed off and my sister is making me sad.

318am and I woke up from a nightmare. Please let me fall back to a Sleep

So tired.

Another complaint but whatever.


I do what I can to take direction. I was trying not to ask questions but I didn't understand everything until later in the day and even then...I wasn't 100% sure. Your behavior led to me feeling worthless and like a failure. I am worried about my review because I don't get any direction.


I probably messed some things up today and I'll take the fall for it. I'll take accountability but I hate feeling worthless.


Today was a shit day and tomorrow will be worse. I'll ask questions and you'll get annoyed. I don't always understand how to write those things out concisely because I've gotten no direction and the policy and guidelines only says so much.


I am going to fail. I hate myself for being a fail. Also I really hope these people give me access to my time card because that's how I get paid and I need money.

[Storyteller.]

Today was a lot harder than I thought it would be and I'm so tired as a result. Way too many unexpected interactions, a new manager, my thoughts were all over the place, and now my internet's playing up as well. All in all, not one of my better days.

Meeting with my boss today. He's probably going to tell me I'm a terrible employee. Keep thinking about failure and suicide. Also heard her talking about me again and laughing. I'm sorry I lack confidence. I feel I'm doing better today. I may make mistakes but I have no goddamn training.

Flashbacks all day long... Started around 815. I can taste it feel and see it. Over and over and over. I can't get it out of my head. How disgusting that was.

What do I do? I'm freaking out. I want to talk to my boss but I can't let him know I'm disabled until I can file for something after a year.

Please God help! This has been getting ready to happen for about a week.. It started with the taste and now it's all just stuck.

Maybe if I eat enough it will make it go the hell away.

I hate myself for allowing that to happen.

I hate being so indecisive.

I am always going to be a fat, binge-eating slob.