Triggering: Complaint of the Day 2

[Kintsukuroi.]

The idea about the alert ready system was good in theory but failed epically. My entire family didn’t get the alert and I heard like 3 phones get it in the théâtre actually got it (about 150 people in it)
I suppose that in the case of an emergency I would not be one of the chosen ones to survive lol

[Rivière]

This semester has been really difficult. The workload especially. I can't believe I got really upset when I thought I wouldn't see him today to the point I put off revising for an hour to watch something to take my mind off of it...3 hours before my exam. I'm so irresponsible. I will be amazed if I do well in it. My only comfort is that I only needed 7% to get a first in the module... but I still wanted to do good in it.

I have to volunteer tonight and I am struggling with anxiety and so it's going to be hard to do. It might get better over the course of the day, I suppose.

I went too bed too early and woke up early. Hopefully I'll be able to go back to sleep

My eyes are badly swollen. I hope the allergy medication works

[Thinking]

why am i not shutted down yet, I am not functioning anymore

I had no choice but had to keep on with this state. I can't die.

[Tigereyes]

I'm really not sure I can stay clean/sober anymore. I'm sorry for disappointing and hurting you.

I hate these allergies. I think I am going to go lie down and put a cold compress on my face.

[Rivière]

I'm so tired. I hope this coffee wakes me up a bit.

[Tigereyes]

How could you even think about trying to replace him?? And so soon? I don't want another cat yet. I don't want another maine coon yet. I just want to be alone with my grief for a while.. you can never replace what's been lost. All I'll be able to think is that the new cat is not him, and I wish it was. And that's not fair to me or the new cat. And we won't be able to bond properly because I have college. And what's worse is you're keeping this from me. I only know because my brother told me. Maybe you had good intentions by trying to surprise me or something, but this hurts too much. I can't handle it. Don't get another cat yet. Please... and please don't keep talking about him in front of everyone else. I can't.. it hurts too much.

Not to mention the fights today.

I really hate being sober. I don't want to be sober. Why is that so bad?

Every morning I wake up and my eyes feel so uncomfortable. I know I am starting to feel better but this is really annoying!

[Rivière]

I'm starting to feel like I've supposed to have done something wrong. I go out shopping for a couple of hours, come back and get told 'priorities' so I cut out conversation and get to work on exam revision. 2 days later you I'm told I'm 'not working as hard this year' despite the fact I've been sat here with reams upon reams of paper strewn across my desk due to the amount of revision hours I've been putting in, and then as soon as I decide to go silent to return to trying to focus on my studies and don't respond for a while, 'goodnight' and then that's it. I don't get it.

[Tigereyes]

Do I even have any friends left?

I am having quite severe anxiety. Don't want to do this but have too. Only reason I don't want to do it is because of my anxiety.

[Storyteller.]

Annnd my washing machine just broke. Fantastic.

I feel more worthless today. I think I bought those things to try and 'help' me feel better. I know I can curb my spending and I'll have to do so once I start working so I can save for a car and all other types of stuff.

Sometimes I feel like everything is never ending.

[Tigereyes]

"Your worst day in recovery is always better than your best day in relapse."
Fuck that bullshit. Why the fuck do you think I turned to substances anyway? Because life was so fucking bad for so fucking long, and I couldn't take the suffering anymore. So recovery has just brought back the suffering.

I have been up for maybe an hour and already feeling slight anxiety

[Tigereyes]

I really want to relapse so I can have some relief from this shit--even though it'd only be temporary. Better than nothing.

Naturally waking up at 6 am is a pain

[Tigereyes]

Why is everything I say, do, and feel wrong? Why is my every reaction wrong? Why can't I do anything right? I wish I could just constantly feel numb so that I wouldn't cause all these fucking problems. If I could just be numb, everything would be okay.

[Everglow.]

If anyone asks I'm having a wobble today.
Nobody will, but if they do i won't tell them that I hate my life and myself and I was up all night because of it.

You know what, I won't even say it anymore.

Whatever had to be said has been said. Whatever had to be done has been done. I'm done worrying about what I should say or do every step of the way.

I'm done.

Anxiety makes me hungry and I can't stand it. Was super anxious today so that's fun.

[Tigereyes]

I wish I could just stop having emotional needs. Then I wouldn't have a problem with them never being met

[MWF]

I have absolutely no goddamn clue how to talk to people I have a crush on. I turn into a robot and if they ever liked me, they lose interest immediately.
I'm SO sexually frustrated. I thought my friend was hitting on me because she started talking about opening up her relationship (and other stuff) that I didn't even think about what a shitshow that could be.

[Normalgirl_]

I'm not hungry but I need to eat

[Nala.]

Feeling pretty tired.

[Kintsukuroi.]

I’m still running on no sleep but I am so spun.

[Everglow.]

Literally feel so alone in the world right now.
Want to disappear.

I was having a really good day but got exceptionally anxious. I do go to my psychiatrist next Friday and I can ask him about upping my anxiety medication AND upping my geodon.

[Tigereyes]

How did today go so wrong?

I can't seem to breath but I think it's this house. I haven't had this bad of breathing issues in years...not until we moved here.

[Tigereyes]

I really need support...

The weather has been quite strange lately which has been triggering headaches. Wish I could figure out why weather is a trigger but it has been since I was a kid.

I suppose the only good thing is that my headaches aren't as bad since switching birth control.

[Tigereyes]

These self-destructive thoughts are so out of control...

I woke up at 2:30am and it doesn't seem like I'll be able to get back to sleep

[Tigereyes]

So basically I have to get better on my own without relying on anyone or you're going to leave me. I wish I could believe I can get better at all, even WITH support, but I don't. Sink or swim on my own? I might be trying to swim, but we both know I'm still going to drown. And I know what drowning will mean for me. Fuck recovery. Fuck drugs for destroying lives.

[Storyteller.]

I want to be productive today but I'm already at a disadvantage due to having multiple bad dreams last night. So now I have to allocate time to process those as well as still somehow getting everything else done.

[Rivière]

Why did you have to leave without saying goodbye in-person first.