Triggering: Complaint of the Day 2

Let my alcohol infused coffee sit in the freezer too long, and there was already ice cubes in it. Watered down, eww.

I'm exhausted.

I know why but it still sucks.

Hopefully this weekend allows me the time to catch up on sleep

I talked too much and all I can think about is my failures as a human being.

I can't sleep.
I hope I hear back about the job. I don't want to have to wait 13 days ... get my hopes up and have them dashed with a nice rejection email. I mean, I like getting told I didn't get it but I am hoping this time will be sooner simply due to the anxiety and anticipation. Last time I was convinced I got it because it took so long and I don't know that I want that to happen this time.

Hopefully I'll hear back this week because I'll have anxiety until I do ... and I'll continue second guessing certain things I said EVEN though I cannot change it. I have what it takes to be an excellent employee so hopefully they will take that chance on me

My doctors staff who I finally got a hold of saod:

Given all that information I can send him an email and let him know what's going on. I mean, that's great but I've been trying to get this handled since the 8th and initially an email was forwarded to him. It's the 19th so while I get he needs to determine what is best and who I should see... I've been waiting too long. I had to get through a crisis and an interview like this.

Also he knows and was rude and was supposed to tell you all to contact me.

I'm trying not to be rude because it's not an effective way to handle it but I mean when a patient sends an email and calls and says a few times I'm in crisis and need an appointment cause I have been off meds... It should take you all 11 days to contact them.

[MWF]

Ugh. I'm looking at one of the worst weeks of my college career and now it turns out I have to do a presentation with somebody else.
In essence, what would have been a great presentation just turned into a mediocre one, at best.

Ate all that and I'm still hungry!

Anxiety is extreme right now but I'll get through.

Reading isn't helping but I'll get through.

Just need the week to be over.

[Kintsukuroi.]

I've got so much to do and not enough time. Also, extremely done with everything and totally worthless.

So tired...

I got through the test but I could have had a calculator. I know I probably missed some because of it.

[Storyteller.]

To top off an already challenging week, I've come down with a cold. Now I get to spend my days off recovering instead of actually getting anything done.

I'm just feeling frustrated.

[Fanatic]

Stop trying to ask you care. Also stop trying to complain to me about everything while I have my own issues. Because of you, you have pushed me over the edge way too many times...ive made up my mind tho. Suicide might sound like a wrong answer to most but sometimes to experience it or feel the feeling that things matter more than they seem, you have to be risky. I lack that in a lot of places because basically I am broken down so much by others that I’ve lost a lot of meaning.

[Storyteller.]

I don't feel well enough to actually do anything but I also don't feel sick enough to be okay with doing nothing, so I'm settling for not doing much but not feeling great about it. This is not how I wanted to spend my days off.

I went to sleep too early and ended up waking up around 1am. I can't seem to go back to sleep which isn't a huge deal unless I can't fall back to sleep as ... I have to be up by 7:30 to get somewhere by 8am.

I could, technically, deal with the issue next Monday...but idk...I have to think about it.

[Tigereyes]

I'm doing more and more questionable things in attempt to cope with the pain and find energy I don't have to get through school. I'm starting to scare myself, but I see no other way that won't lead somewhere worse (and faster) than wherever I'm headed.

I cannot sleep so tomorrow is go to suck.

[Fanatic]

Now's there a strong possibility I'm going to fail my last semester of college and I hate it and myself. My school put me on a learning contract so not only I am in danger of failing, I'm in danger of being kicked out of my college...I feel like a huge failure right now...I want to die tomorrow.

[Tigereyes]

I really just want my DoC because feeling numb is the only way to feel better, which is what you need from me and what I need from myself. But it will destroy me, which will hurt you more. But if I'm already hurting you so much by being in so much pain, does it even matter? I can't stop this pain without my DoC. I just need some relief... Even if only for a few hours until I sober up and the pain comes rushing back worse than before. But just a few hours of relief sounds desirable, even knowing the pain that is to follow. You don't want me to bottle thing up, but me being in pain hurts you. And I'm sorry...

I know you don't want me to blame myself. I'm sorry that I keep doing just that. But when the one person who has helped me question all the shit I've believed about myself for so long confirms it even one time, it stays in my mind, and I can't erase it, and I'm sorry. I know I need to stop this. I know I need to change myself. I'm sorry for not recovering fast enough.

Why does recovery have to fucking suck so much? It just takes away my way to cope without giving me anything to replace it. So I just sit here suffering and hurting everyone else because the only way to stop feeling so miserable is to relapse which would hurt everyone anyway.

[SkyFall]

I don't want to be here anymore

I am so sleepy. Need to go make more coffee, but I am too lazy (and comfortable) laying on my couch.

[daisy_jam]

S T R E S S E D O U T to the max.

I am anxious. I was fine until we talked but I wanted to hear what your doctor said.

[Tigereyes]

I can't keep up with school anymore. I can't do it anymore. I've pushed myself way too hard for way too long and it's catching up to me. I can't somehow pull it off anymore. It's too much. I'm trying so hard, but I can't do it anymore. I need a break. I so desperately need a break. But there's still 6 weeks left of the semester, and it's only supposed to get worse from here. I'm making myself sick. My body literally cannot take this anymore. It's forcing me to stop but I can't stop. Enough time wasted. Need to get back to schoolwork. 10-12 hours of school per day at least 6 days per week. I can't anymore. I'm sorry.

[Rivière]

I feel like I should have stated room absence for 2 weeks rather than 3 so I can focus on getting my work done, but I feel I should still have 3 weeks away so I can get my head straight and work through my feelings, and towards moving on.

I have to get up at six a.m. to go to a medical appointment in a city two hours away, be there for a grand total of fifteen minutes, drive all the way back home and then go to class. It's gonna be a long day.

[MWF]

God, I hate my psych class. I'm supposed to be doing an assignment and I have absolutely no clue what its about.

[Tigereyes]

I have to try harder, but I've already spent all my energy pushing myself too hard a while ago and I'm out. I have to try harder, but I don't have energy left to try at all. My body is literally shutting down. But I have to pull up my grade. I have to. Especially if I need summer to be a break from school.

[Storyteller.]

I'm still sick and I wish this cold would actually go away because I have so much I need to do.

I am feeling foggy and it's frustrating because I don't think it's dissociation. The fogginess I get with dissociation is usually a lot worse. This is different but I have been way more stressed the past month and I know stress and anxiety can cause it.

I also snapped at the guy at the post office and felt terrible. I tried apologizing and explaining that I wasn't upset with him and was just having a bad day...but he wasn't receptive. Who would be though?

[Tigereyes]

I just really need my cat right now but hes gone and is never coming back and nothing will ever be okay again. Ill never be okay again

I have a sore throat. Not sure if it's because I am getting sick or if the air quality is bad and spring/summer is here and I am having allergies.

[Rivière]

I can't concentrate and this report is due on Friday.

[Storyteller.]

I don't have the patience to deal with technological issues today.

[Celyn]

What a time to be ill at Easter

[Tigereyes]

I just want to numb this pain and stress

Have to takey car in. It probably needs breaks and who knows what else!

[Kintsukuroi.]

I'm so sick of this weather. I woke up to see snow, like what on earth?

Can't seem to read and the mechanic hasn't called back. Makes me worried there is more wrong with my car than we originally assumed. Means I am going to have to call tomorrow.

I'm sick and social security isn't going to send me information about the money. I'm probably going to have to go down sometime in the next few weeks.

This sucks because I have enough money to survive and now I'm gonna have to ask my dad for money for the appointment and medication.