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Re: Screaming thread.
I haven't been this angry for two years and it all starts with you.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I need to stop eating, but I'm hungry! It's nice of you to think of the fact that I might want to use the money from you to get mom something, but I think it's a little weird, and I know you told me to "make sure you spend most of it on yourself though." You know once you give me the money, it's mine to spend however I want.
I didn't mean to do that for attention or to upset anyone, sorry. I need 2016 to be a better year. Things really couldn't get worse, but I need open doors so I can start functioning again. And no, interviews with no job offers don't count as open doors. See, it' s not just me, it sucks that it took this to get you to handle it yourself, but I'm glad you're not making me do it again (because obviously it does no good). The only thing those tell me is that I should go for something I've already failed at or can't do. My life is going to suck because of this and I don't know how long I'll be able to put up with that. I guess it's worth looking into, I can contact him and see if and what kind of response I get. So far it's the only thing I know of that will let me do everything I want without getting forced out for the stuff I've already failed at. I probably have no chance, but without ordering my transcripts and calculating my GPA I have no idea what it actually is. I guess the question is, am I going to regret not at least trying it? At least if she fixes the insurance, I can finally get back into professional help. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm gonna need you tomorrow or the next day, I know I've always been your friendly guy to talk to but I simply need this off my shoulders and maybe you can bear some weight onto me, since I'm always here to help you huh? I always will be...
Just please don't be quiet. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I miss my best friend even though it's only been three days...
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Re: Screaming thread.
Love or not. I decided I will come see you if you're really... in a bad place now, I will help you overcome your problems.
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Re: Screaming thread.
"I love you. Hang in there."
How? |
Re: Screaming thread.
And my sleeping patterns are back to being messed up. :glare:
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Re: Screaming thread.
I wish Jordan could stay home with us! I miss him having a day off to spend in bed cuddling. :(
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Re: Screaming thread.
didn't do my shitty work today.
no fuckin improvements on body endurance after pushing to limit this week. more zits always in same place strength test tomorrow good thing is knuckles are healed over so I can punch. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I feel so... terrible, I'm sorry I had to leave you but you made your choice and you need to realize that it's been in effect. I accepted that you hated me and didn't wanna talk to me so I can't go back to talking to you, it's too painful. You'll hurt me again and I'm not going to let it happen.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Going insane lately and actually not afraid to for once.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I just want to live a normal life! Why must I always feel this way when it comes to something new or different? Why do I take it to extremes??
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Re: Screaming thread.
Im now certain that i will be going through this alone.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Dammit, I'm getting... scared.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm worth more dead than alive.....
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Re: Screaming thread.
I always come here to scream about something and now I can't think of anything!!
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Re: Screaming thread.
"Dear Slim, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin." :glare:
If you're not calling me tonight it's because you don't have your phone back yet, not because you forgot. Right? /: |
Re: Screaming thread.
Holy crap i almost carved something into the side of my arm. Seriously what the fuck?!? Where is that coming from? With a cross no less. Whats happening to me? at least five times today ive gone through scenarios in my head of me falling off bridges and crashing into something. Litteraly of me dieing. Again, questioning why im still here. I imagine my self dying and nearly cut my arm with the pin of a cross what the fuck is happening to me? I either need to get help or get out of this house, and both are impossible.
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Re: Screaming thread.
If I call you tomorrow, please answer.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Please be okay, I'm worried for you...
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Re: Screaming thread.
Headache. Hope I don't have a cold coming. Dry skin/eczema on hands...hope it doesn't come infected. Palpitations now too.
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Re: Screaming thread.
If I stay home, I'm going to try to die.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Note to self: Alright! Cool the fuck down!
There is nothing wrong, you'll get your news about it sooner or later so quit being a worrying wreck and just stay calm. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I wish I was dead.....
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Re: Screaming thread.
I wish I'd gone through with it. There's still time, though.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Go to bed between 4:30 and 5AM
Fall asleep at 6AM Awake again at 11AM with depressing and dangerous thoughts Back asleep by 12PM Sleep until 4PM Wake up in pain with a headache This pattern NEEDS TO STOP, serves as an amazing escape, but it's miserable. My invisible disability is more real than anyone else's right to speak for me. So, since this is the first day in a while that I only got 3 hours of sleep, the neighbors decide to cut the grass in the freezing cold. I guess I'm getting up after almost no sleep (and yes, a headache); perfect. NO, I DO NOT want to eat homemade dip containing large amounts of mayonnaise that expired in SEPTEMBER! I won't risk ringing in the new year with food poisoning. The ONE night a year you don't want to be tired at midnight and I'm falling asleep! What the hell?! |
Re: Screaming thread.
It's 2am and I'm wide awake again. :glare: This is not working at all. Watch me not fall asleep till 4-6 like the last few days and up again less than an hour after.
something sure sounds inviting right about now. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm working on a big cross stitching project and needless to say, my poor little fingers have needle pokes all over them. Ouch!
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Roll Tide. FUCK MSU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: Screaming thread.
My anxiety is so bad right now and I don't know how to cope. I'm freaking out over stupid stuff and now my mind is making me focus on negative thoughts that are just freaking me out more.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Death. It's all I can think about.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm better off dead.....
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Re: Screaming thread.
Fuck everything. I just want to be back at school already. I'm not looking forward to work this week. Thank God it's the last week. Ugh. I'm so sick of everyone to be honest. I just want to talk to someone about all this shit that's going on but everyone on my support team is on break and not reading emails (which is okay. They have lives. They can't be expected to come to my every need. I can't expect that.)
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Re: Screaming thread.
Back home with my parents. May well have a carbon monoxide leak at home. May well be the reason my hamster died two months ago. Fucking landlord needs to sort his crap out.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Am I nearing the end? Is this it...? It's the only way I could be free... right?
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Re: Screaming thread.
God, please help these people. Help us all.
And, im sorry. Please, i just want to go home.no one hears me anyway, i just want to go home. |
Re: Screaming thread.
LISTEN PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
....slowly losing my mind and any hope of ever being sane... LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN PLEASE Please i beg you someone actually listen to me for once i would be so happy to find the one person who actualy wouldnt mind genuinely listening to what i have to say. For the sake of my sanity please dont ignore me "Mom and dad think im neglecting you, but thats not right, is it?" WHAT THE FUCK?!? Everyone neglects me. You seriously have never seen me be pushed to the corner and ignored by our entire family? Are you serious? i might as well not exist at all, it wouldnt make much of a difference if i did. I dont matter. This whole rant? Yeah it means nothing because no one cares either way. Your life is a joke. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Well, that resolve lasted all of 30 seconds. I'm finally giving myself permission to do the one thing I said I never do, I'm giving up. There really is no point in torturing myself anymore. It's not like I'll ever actually succeed. Ironically it was the life-saving measures that ruined my quality of life. I've seen enough to know that it's time to quit.
Now I remember why I blocked you. You will not ruin my day. Life with this means I was screwed from day one regardless but I wish I could go back and tell you to your face how badly you fucked me over. The fact that I considered legal action and that I'm not the only one with grounds for a lawsuit brings me at least a little comfort. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I can't take it anymore.....
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Re: Screaming thread.
You are probably the worst person.
Anxious and not even cuddling helped. Why does this anxiety make me feel like I want to die. I'm literally so anxious and so sick that being alive is unbearable. |
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