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Re: Screaming thread.
No one really cares about me, not really...
Everyone lies about caring about you, and I'm the only one with the truth. Maybe I should just... give up? I certainly don't have a future nor a chance to get one... There's nothing, it's dead. I'm a dead person, I just didn't realize I'm a walking corpse delaying what should happen to me... |
Re: Screaming thread.
God, please... don't let those attacks continue.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Want to spend the day in bed crying into my pillow.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I just wanna die.
It's all I can think of. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Crushed, dead, numb, cold...
That's how I feel, I don't matter. Not anymore... I need to be dead, truly dead... I can't live, I don't deserve to. |
Re: Screaming thread.
They took the channel back
I've always had trust issues because of the way I was treated growing up with this and I'll probably always have them. I know you cared, but I feel like you, him, and maybe him were the only ones who did. I'm convinced they only told me that to avoid a lawsuit so I can't believe what they said. I still want the meeting/closure with you that I was entitled to. I completely get why you weren't there and you never need to apologize for being a parent, but I want the truth and I know you could break it to me gently because, like I said, I don't believe a word the rest of them said. I get it, but I can't do it and that ruined my life. And everything that happened ruined me. I'm glad it hurt you and I know you don't owe me anything, but part of me feels like you do. I still want it and I don't know if that will ever go away. I really don't think I can do this much longer. |
Re: Screaming thread.
So much stress and anxiety lately. I'm going insane. I hope that everything starts to calm down.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Another one.
Whats wrong with this place? why does this keep happening? |
Re: Screaming thread.
It's really gonna get to me, I don't think I can handle it. Distractions are weak now, so I'm fucking stuck with these... thoughts. Over and over again.
Just wanna end this. |
Re: Screaming thread.
K., PLEASE stop going for fratboys, they suck, I'm right here!!!
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Re: Screaming thread.
Tiding into the storm... where I'll sink low enough to the pit bottom of the sea, lost in its superior darkness...
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Re: Screaming thread.
Everything says I belong in a health and/or human services profession, and I can't do any of them because of my brain. Instead I get to work my ass off just to get stuck in a dead end job I hate, can never afford to quit, and will probably get fired from. I'm choosing not, I'm done expecting anything to work out for me. Not everyone gets a happy ending. I think my destiny is to give up and let everyone learn from that.
I know what I'm capable of when I'm treated like a human being and not just the only one who everyone but me knows won't make it. All of those are off limits to me now, but the damage stuck. You ruined my life, end of story. That feeling needs to go away, it's impossible I think they're just flashbacks or memories I don't want to have. Spent another day miserable, I'm sick of feeling like it's never going to end, but my chances of death are higher than that ever happening. |
Re: Screaming thread.
DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT NOT AGAIN DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT
WHY must she be happy at my expense? Why can't we just be happy together!? |
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm exhausted but not exhausted enough to sleep. Great. >.<
|
Re: Screaming thread.
My best friend is so fucking stupid.
|
Re: Screaming thread.
The one fucking time I root for Ohio State to win a football game, and they're horrible.
Fuck you sideways, Ohio State. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I'm not living much longer. People bother & smother me to the point where I feel like I can never be me no matter how hard I try. Why? Why the fuck do I have to be this way?
|
Re: Screaming thread.
Missed another chance at a girlfriend today. Ugh.
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Re: Screaming thread.
My first class today was at 8am.
I'll get out of work prob around 9 or 10pm? I'm not even feeling depressed today. I just feel resigned and done. Like, wtf is the point of trying? I'm so tired. This week is only three days, and I'm already so tired. Just two more days. fuck fuck fuck |
Re: Screaming thread.
It all makes sense.
I'm weak and pathetic, I don't... really have much value in me. I really can't... stop what I have to endure every night, knowing that I'm truly a disappointment to most people and having... someone that I love hates me really kills me. I'm not... good enough, for anyone really. I should just... cease away. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I seriously slept from 6am to 4:30pm, this is NOT good.
This ruined my life, if you want me to succeed like you said you did, I think I need some help and I would only ask you because you could do it without making it all worse. I can't even describe what it's like, even I don't have words for it. It's definitely my phone making me sick so it's happening again. Sick just in time for Thanksgiving. I'm hoping that it's related to that and that it goes away because unlike everyone else I don't have the option of going or not. I have to be stuck there the whole fucking day getting yelled at for doing everything wrong while she whines and complains like a toddler, UGH |
Re: Screaming thread.
I have failed everyone, I am not really... what I'm suppose to be. Yeah...
It makes sense, shit happens because I'm weak, pathetic and I'm only good at failing. I can't live like this... it's been too many damn years and I just hope... just for once that something... good happens but there isn't anything. In the end, there is no hope and all there is left is doubt. I doubt my fucking existence, I can see it now... it's madness to think I can make everything... better for myself and anyone else when I am practically weak in my own nature. There is no hope. |
Re: Screaming thread.
CAN'T... STOP... PROCRASTINATING
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Re: Screaming thread.
In too much tears and I am planning to die. I have no purpose, no cause and no power, I can't... do this, I can't... stand myself knowing all I can do is watch things get worst for others... and that I can do absolutely nothing about it.
It's the only way I can be... free. This darkness I want to embrace, no pain, no feelings... no nothing. |
Re: Screaming thread.
You are NOT a fucking CHILD for God's sake EAT YOUR FOOD and SHUT UP.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Where have I gone wrong...?
Is it something about me? I tried, and I tried to do the best to help those in real need but... I guess it's not... what you... wanted or what I was meant for. Maybe people just don't want me to be in danger but... isn't that the only thing that's... exceptional about me? I'm willing to put my life in danger for others, and i had put harm on my body just to... support others. Maybe I'm not a human, I'm just a thing. A stress squeezer or a untested weapon to use on any bad guys around. Hmm... know now that when I go to my grave, I have no anger or sadness but I do have undying regrets I can't remove. Regrets regarding how I failed everything and mostly everyone. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I want a career that helps people, but I'm never allowed near them again. Sometimes I'm okay with that and other times (most times), it's all I want.
NO ONE understands this and the outlook is so bleak I'd be better off just letting go. |
Re: Screaming thread.
My ankle hurts and is as swollen as a baseball. :/
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Re: Screaming thread.
My head hurts and I have sores in my mouth from stress.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I deserve to be punished. I'm a horrible, disgusting, worthless, useless, ugly, fat, unwanted, etc. type of person.
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Re: Screaming thread.
So tired of all the stress. I can't physically do any more than I already am without doing the whole thing myself. Why do I have to keep doing this? Why can't one bloody thing go right?
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Re: Screaming thread.
Depression is exhausting, and the fact that I'm holding on hoping for something else I know I can't have after losing everything is just making it unbearable. I HATE this disability so much I can't stand it.
On one level I know you're human and I know it hurt because I'm pretty sure you were on the verge of tears having to do it, but I expected to be treated better and rightfully so and it destroyed my life and broke my spirit so I'm glad it hurt. You can't even get rid of me right so I probably won't contact you for anything because you'll just ignore me or redirect me to someone else and I'm not going to put myself through that. I'd love to have your help, but it will never happen. I LOVE how everyone thinks they could do a job better than the person doing it, despite the fact that they never have. They are NOT the same thing!!!! Two things people don't have a right to do: 1. Tell me what I do or don't feel. 2. Tell me the diagnosis that ruined my life is BS, not real, or is something else. I left because of people like you. I don't know why I'm still letting you get to me. You have NO IDEA what I'm dealing with, and no right to tell me what to do. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I want my girlfriend to initiate more things. Sometimes, I think if I don't start a convo, it's just "Good morning babe" and "Good night babe" and that's it. With kissing I have to initiate most of the time, I think any romantic activity won't happen if I don't initiate everything. She doesn't say no much though...
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Re: Screaming thread.
I can't do this anymore
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Re: Screaming thread.
You know when you can just feel it coming? Like any day now I'm going to have just had enough and I'm either going to snap and shout at people and get myself into trouble, or I'm going to breakdown and cry for half an hour straight and then sleep for about 12 hours.
I'm actually grateful for work this weekend so I can take my mind off of the crap that has been happening. I just need a break. Give me a bloody break. |
Re: Screaming thread.
The only good thing about not sleeping all night is not having nightmares.
I LOVE how judgmental people are of things they are nowhere even close to understanding. I LOVE how people who have never struggled with an issue take an angry, judgmental, self-righteous attitude of blame toward anyone who does like they have all the answers, they're trying to "help" like it actually works, and the person is struggling due to some kind of character flaw or unwillingness to take responsibility for themselves. Can't even begin to explain how much that PISSES me off. And yes, I just saw someone say this exact thing on Facebook. Someone PLEASE explain to me why the fuck my insurance lapsed a month early for NO REASON I have refills of meds sitting at the pharmacy, I can't pick them up, and I don't know why! I can't pick up the prescription until we figure out what the hell happened to the insurance so the automatic calls can STOP NOW!!!! It's not my fault you can't FUCKING hear, you took on the responsibility of handling this, so HANDLE IT |
Re: Screaming thread.
I feel like nobody respects what I say because I'm a virgin... jokes on them though, they flail through life because they don't follow my advice.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Cut myself today for the first time in a while. Its the only way I can conquer my fears.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm not really... that much, nor do I matter.
I'm no hero, I'm nothing great. I'm a shitty person. Everyday, it's the same thing in my mind... Wake up, do stuff, eat, go to sleep, have nightmares and repeat. While that's happening, my mind is just... I don't belong here. The headaches and the noise is too much. EVERYTHING. From the inside, it's hell and yet from the outside... I'm a chill dude. I just wanna stop breathing and... stop pretending to be strong when I'm just weak. NOTHING MATTERS NOTHING FUCKING MATTERS! The nightmares won't stop Cut alot, bleed and die. |
Re: Screaming thread.
You need to stop eating, you little fat pig of a person. You'll never have a boyfriend at this rate your eating. Starve yourself, you fatty, or just do everyone else a favor and kill yourself.
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