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Re: Screaming thread.
he could've just fucking told me instead of ignoring me and using every fucking excuse in the book. you're back with her. good for you. come straight with me so i can properly wish you well. that would be great.
guess i'm more of a hopeless romantic than i thought. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I've wanted to do that all day. The only thing I can do now is go to bed and hope that it goes away
If you're going to dismiss me from the program and the university you could at least have the decency to take me off the program listservs so I'm not slapped in the face with what I can never have everyday |
Re: Screaming thread.
I don't know how much longer I can take it. It hurts too much.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I feel so tired. :glare:
Someone or the other has to come screw my happiness! |
Re: Screaming thread.
I DON'T HAVE TO JUSTIFY S*** TO YOU! and I'll probably end up doing that and I don't have to justify that either because it should be obvious.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm tired of you treating me like this, I'm tired of being spoken to like trash, and I'm damned tired of you never letting me finish what I have to say! You can think you're right all you want, but you're NOT. And you are definitely not going to forbid me from getting the Wedding dress I've chosen, just because you think you're always right!!
I've already talked to Jon about the dress. He's already promised that if it comes down to it, HE'LL get the dress for me, since you, my own mother, refuse to help me put this Wedding together AT ALL. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I find it funny to not even be able to own my money at all, as it seeminly belongs to everybody in my family... and those fights. Why did you lash out at me, yelling money is all I care about? I don't ask for help or for you to bend your back over me, I just want to be left in peace, you wasted too many chances to help me already, no attempt will ever change anything anymore.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Is there really a point in trying anymore? I just want to give up.
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Re: Screaming thread.
This just confirms everything I've ever believed only on a scale like I've never seen and all I've learned is that I should've done that 13 years ago. Look what it would've saved me!
My life has collapsed and I'm completely alone among the wreckage |
Re: Screaming thread.
I don't why I let you take over my life and hurt my heart. I've lost music because of you and you just don't seem to understand how much I am hurting. I want try to tell you with subtle hints but you aren't seeing them. I freaking hate you...but I don't. You are my best friend and that is my fault. *screams in a pillow*
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Re: Screaming thread.
Who does that? And I am not going to tell you that I know the truth. I am going to wait until you tell me. If you want to play along with lies, I don't care. Because, one thing you are not aware of is that I am well aware of what the truth is and what might happen from it.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm not going to tell you, but I haven't had a real nights sleep in a long while. Most nights are just tossing and turning...I am so scared and sometimes I just want to end it, but I know that would be selfish and illogical. I sometimes wish you were here...I don't know why I think that could make things better but I do...
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Re: Screaming thread.
*yells in a very loud manner*
Why does everything have to be on MY fucking shoulders?! *bangs pillow against body* Yes, I know *YOU* do not fucking want things to be distributed a certain way but others do. I secretly try to do what *I* can to please you but in this subject, I have to agree with others. I'm tired of people complaining and wasting my fucking time. I don't even want to be there anymore, I'm only really there because you are. I am sorry for screaming at you to calm the fuck down, but you have to realize I had a SHITTY morning and talking about the thing you wanted to talk about made me want to just throw my computer out the window >.> My custom ordered violin strings I purchased 3 weeks ago arrived on Friday and I just checked my mailbox and saw them sitting there...You have no idea how stressed and confused I am right now. I am trying my best to calm the fuck down, but unknowing to you the subject you wanted to talk about made me so pissed off, I TOO wanted to just put a fucking hole in the wall. I don't know what I'm ever going to do. While your life continues forward, mine doesn't...please just slowly bring this crap up, don't come running at me full force with it...I need to prepare for these things... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Still can't decide whether to disappear or not, its not like anyone would care or notice
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Re: Screaming thread.
I just want to die. I can't take it anymore.
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Re: Screaming thread.
* Beats head against wall
I would've gone back tonight and chances are that I will never go back for education again, just a hearing where they beat the emotional crap out of me and permanently end my childhood dream. I don't feel like I would've been ready to go back tonight, but I would've liked to be able to. The fact that this NEVER happens and has probably never happened before (so of course it would happen to me) is NOT HELPING I want to have hope that this is still possible, but I don't want to build that up and then have it completely CRUSHED |
Re: Screaming thread.
I am falling sick. I can feel it coming. 12 days into the new year and I have to be sick. Will there ever come a time when I will be perfectly healthy again? Can I just go back to 2 years ago? I hate being sick, makes me feel so useless. >.<
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Re: Screaming thread.
So I left school early just so i can cut. Haven't eaten today though and went to the gym so at least I've managed to do one thing.
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Re: Screaming thread.
i hate you
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm numb. I need to feel something. I need to feel pain.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I will never be good enough.....
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Re: Screaming thread.
If I stay alive until the fall it will be a fucking miracle :'(
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Re: Screaming thread.
I am so done. I can\'t take this anymore.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why can\'t I get out of all this?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I feel sad and also unworthy...
I\'m pathetic and weak, I can\'t help anyone... I don\'t know... what to do. The fear of losing everything makes me succumb to my own darkness and nothing is clear anymore... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Why do I keep trying anymore?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I love you, and I hate myself for it.
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Re: Screaming thread.
If you\'re not going to deal with this, can you at least remove me from the email lists, it\'s really painful to keep finding them in my inbox.
On top of my entire life falling apart, now I lose him too?! This is too fing hard, I quit! Yes I still want to do that, I don\'t see that going away any time soon You wouldn\'t make me want it this badly if you weren\'t going to fulfill it some how I\'m not mad that it had to happen, I\'m mad about the way you went about it. All I have to do is find a way out |
Re: Screaming thread.
I am giving up on you and with that I give up on myself.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I can\'t take this pain anymore. I just want to cut so badly.
Should just end it all. |
Re: Screaming thread.
I want to die
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Re: Screaming thread.
okay lets get this straight! Male circumcision is NOT gender mutilation!! It can be done to those who have problems with their foreskin and the circumcision will benefit them!!
female circumcision IS gender mutilation because it serves NO medical purpose! |
Re: Screaming thread.
Since my dream career is probably over, can I please stop dreaming about it and doing that? It only makes it next to impossible to let go.
When EVERYTHING in you and the universe says counselor and reality says ALMOST but NEVER because you\'re broken and you never knew it |
Re: Screaming thread.
I don\'t want to do the thing on Sunday mornings - I can easily drop that, this is just to fill in for a person for a bit but I can stay if I want, but what reason is there to stick around on Saturday nights anymore? You aren\'t wanting to do anything with me anymore =(
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Re: Screaming thread.
2 am. What\'s the point of trying.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I am so tired. That nap didn\'t help. I can feel my eyes closing. But, so much work! >.<
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Re: Screaming thread.
I hate myself and I\'m not right for anyone.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I know I\'m a fat, ugly, disgusting, worthless, useless excuse for a human being.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I fuck everything up.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I just want to die.....
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