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Re: Screaming thread.
PLEASE tell me why I'm tempted to call and apologize to the people who screwed me. Or at least to her? My appeal covers how I feel about what happened, that should be enough.
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Re: Screaming thread.
PLEASE SOMEBODY STOP THIS PAIN!
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm done. I can't take it anymore.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I think I'm crazy for believing that I'll get back in, but I can't help it and I really think it's still possible, but I might just be fooling myself.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm losing myself, I don't feel like who I am. I'm decaying and growing ever more suicidal.
Again. Again and again, and again. I just wish this would stop... EDIT: Screw everything, [Edited.]! EDIT 2: I'm in so much pain, i just... can't stop crying and wanting... to disappear. I'm trying to be alive.. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Mom came home from work and her church choir-leading thing today, and she's obviously had a bad time of it again. One of the mothers has become very frustrated with her for changing things at the last minute, although her daughters have refused the parts they were initially given.
I picked today not to keep up with the dishes, and she's talking ultimatums. I know it's her stress talking, and I'm not angry, and I don't want to scream. I'm terrified that my mom will give me the ultimatum of getting a "real" job or leaving, which would inevitably result in me living in the woods with my mound of notebooks, hunting songbirds with my bow and arrows for the foreseeable future. I'd rather be homeless than go to college, and there's nowhere to get a decent job here, whether I had a degree or not. |
Re: Screaming thread.
The You I knew would come ask me what was wrong.
The You that's changed, just doesn't care. Doesn't realize that I have stopped messaging you. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Lol. I can't be bothered with anything
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Re: Screaming thread.
Go away........
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Re: Screaming thread.
FAILURE. I'll never be good enough.
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Re: Screaming thread.
This... hell.
I just stare, at nothing and I go numb and everything is just overwhelming... I'm truly losing myself, I just wish I got something to fight for... All gone now... |
Re: Screaming thread.
I hate being sick. I hate being so unhealthy. I hate how my immunity sucks. I hate hate hate everything.
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Re: Screaming thread.
It's poisoning my mind again, I'm not strong enough on my own and yet I have to... just go through the suffering.
I can't bother her with my suicidal thoughts (thoughts I need to battle at on my own) or anyone for that matter, I won't let myself bother them when especially it's practically Christmas. I'm unable to scream out the pain, no one can help me at this time. I gotta be strong for... for... someone and others, it just means there's alot of mental pain surging into my mind and flooding it with its darkness. Why am I even typing this....? |
Re: Screaming thread.
That was supposed to help, not make me feel worse! Now I understand why most of people like me do THAT Give me ONE GOOD REASON, I bet you can't come up with any either.
I can't tell if this was a self-fulfilling prophecy or if I was just accurate when I saw it coming years ago. I know i don't deserve it, but I'm PRAYING for ONE more chance. If we can figure out together how to teach me differently, we can all learn something. If not, my life just falls apart (again) |
Re: Screaming thread.
.... why am I so good at fucking everything up....
.... guess I keep forgetting that im... im nothing. .... i hurt so bad and my guilt is so awful and everything is falling apart in my brain i just... fuck..... .... I need him.... I don't want to live anymore...... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Just fml, why is this happening to me.
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Re: Screaming thread.
YOU TOLD ME THAT WAS TAKEN CARE OF!! and now it's going to affect MY credit. COME ON!
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Re: Screaming thread.
My head hurts, my throat hurts, I'm tired, sick and this sorrow is obnoxious. I want to get back to my girl and my bed asap...
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Re: Screaming thread.
I have never felt more sick, more unwanted, more triggered and more stupid than I am feeling right now and I hate this. I hate how I am not able to be there for the only person I care, because I am too busy gathering my own shit and sorting my own life.
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Re: Screaming thread.
These dangerous thoughts and worries plague my mind again, I feel sick...
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Re: Screaming thread.
This is getting unbearable.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I'm tired of fighting.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I don't deserve to live, I'm an vile ugly piece of shit who should of killed itself long ago.
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Re: Screaming thread.
For the love of God and all that is holy, COVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU COUGH! You're SICK. S-I-C-K. You know what that means? You're capable of spreading DISEASE to other people. To not cover your mouth is not only gross, it's fucking rude and inconsiderate. Now I get that I have an irrational fear of illness, but come on. I've seen two-year-olds cover their mouths when they cough. This is basic health stuff. Learn it.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Why the hell am I still invisible? I thought trying to fit in with you bitches would help you notice me! Maybe I shouldn't try anymore... To fit in with you. All you do is dress the same, think the same and talk the same. You fucking plastic dolls! :'(
Bekah why do I even try to be your friend? You act like you totally are best friends with me and then the next week you just ignore me. Why do I try? Why do I allow myself to feel like maybe just maybe, I fit in with someone? I AM A MISFIT |
Re: Screaming thread.
Fuck my life... I need a strong drink, really soon.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I\'m fucking trying hard to just stay calm and sane...
I don\'t know if my efforts are in vain or not. |
Re: Screaming thread.
If you could tell me SOMETHING even if it\'s that you won\'t consider it, that would be enough. I can\'t close the chapter until I have a final answer. I would LOVE to have either of them supervise me, but that\'s impossible without a serious miracle.
When that hurts and makes it worse instead of helping, it\'s time to stop using it. They\'re probably sick of me anyway. When I said that, I wasn\'t kidding. You\'re the professionals and I will never be one now, so give me one good reason not to do that, go ahead... That\'s what I thought. I always said that if this happened it would be my breaking point, I\'m FUCKING DONE. This is it, I swear. I literally can\'t hold on any more and fighting obviously makes no difference so I\'m done forcing myself to try. |
Re: Screaming thread.
Just going to smile and pretend that everything is okay when you talk to me. It\'s how I\'ve always been and will do so. It amuses me how you act like everything is totally normal and then when you ask me what\'s wrong, the conversation always ends up turning to be about YOU. Why is everything always about you and your wants, demands, needs, etc.? I am a person too and I certainly have stuff I want too. Maybe its time I start distancing myself from you...slowly further and further away. Or maybe I\'ll just continue to talk to you like I\'m a zombie. Hmm...maybe I\'ll let you pick or I\'ll just chose something and play along just like you do to me.
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Re: Screaming thread.
\'No one cares about your problems.\' You know what, you can just fuck right off.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I can\'t allow anyone to stop me this time, I fucking can\'t excuse my fate...
I have to face this, alone... |
Re: Screaming thread.
Gah! I can\'t believe what a fucking mutton head I am.
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Re: Screaming thread.
I\'m not important. I\'m always never going to be good enough. So useless and worthless.
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Re: Screaming thread.
Please just let me die
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Re: Screaming thread.
I\'m tired of living
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Re: Screaming thread.
This is getting hard. You aren\'t helping either. You went back on your promise. >.<
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Re: Screaming thread.
I give up! If you wanted to break me you succeeded, if you really cared you would\'ve handled this differently, I don\'t blame you, if I\'d done it when I originally wanted to it would\'ve saved me SO much pain, suffering, and struggle.
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Re: Screaming thread.
How long should I wait?
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Re: Screaming thread.
I\'m so fat it hurts, too many exams. It makes me sad that while people in my classes think about work I\'m sat trying not to cry as I want to die so badly, thinking about how I can do it
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Re: Screaming thread.
He had to leave after only 10 minutes! I\'m tired of this, this has been too hard already.
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