Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Haunted]

you know what?
as soon as my therapist calls to tell me when I can see her, I'm never bringing up anxiety to anyone ever again.
because my best friend says it's normal.
my mother says it happens to her too.
my father says i need to get over it.
my aunt says i shouldn't care about what people think.
my cousin says it's stupid.
and I am tired.
nd it's not even anxiety that's tiring me, it's my surroundings, because feeling anxious every once in a while because you're doing something you've never done before is 100% ok normal and it'll go away as soon as you get used to it. but being scared of 80% of your everyday activities isn't normal and don't ever fucking dare tell me that it'll go away. how come i was diagnosed with it and yet nobody fucking believes me when I say that what I feel isn't normal?
fine, from now on Serena doesn't have anxiety anymore, she's just a little nervous when she drives, or answers the phone, or makes a phone call, or texts first, or replies to a text, or sends an email, or replies to an email, or goes to a shop, or wanders around town, or speaks with an acquaintance, or makes eye contact with a stranger, or writes a post on her blog, or listens to music out loud, or watches a video without headphones, or sings in the shower...

[nothereanymore]

Could you have a little sympathy? I'm sick and in pain and have been since Saturday night.

[MWF]

Trump's Secretary of Education is the biggest fucking idiot alive. Goddammit... bye bye, public education.

[Calaer]

I hate that Ava wakes up so early in the morning. xD I'd love to be able to sleep at least until 8, but I'm normally up by five.

I wish I were dead. Things are going to get worse. I know they are. Can't breath. He says it will be alright but I don't believe him.

[Kate*]

Good news: Didn't get the job I probably couldn't have handled anyway.

Bad news: I still need a fucking job and if I can't get one that doesn't require experience, how am I supposed to get anything else?!

When you realize that your new therapist is going to ask what you want to get out of it, and there's so much wrong, you don't even know.

Even if I give you the benefit of the doubt, it changes nothing and my bad behavior doesn't excuse yours.

Stop stealing everybody's fucking money! You've been doing it your whole life, STOP

[Everglow.]

Need a job with better money or I wont survive until September.

[nothereanymore]

Yeah god forbid I see a doctor when I can't pay the copay. That's why you've been pushing the juices and acetaminophen even though my fever keeps fucking coming back. It's been almost ninety-six hours. That should be more important than the fact that I don't have thirty-five dollars.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

So goddamn ugly and fat, not to mention stupid.

Forever alone.

What guy in their right mind will ever go out or even be with a girl like me?

[eeba]

I need to cry and the one person whose shoulder I feel completely comfortable crying on is all the way across the country now.
And I'm being so selfish and whiny right now, but I really wish she were here.

[Calaer]

You'll never make me change my mind. I'll never change my mind about you. You're horrible. Vile. You are self serving, and no matter what happens, you'll never change. You know what they say., The Devil takes care of his own, and darlin', you're well protected.

[nothereanymore]

"Haven't been doing enough" my ass. You were wrong. You're not a terrible person for it but you were wrong. I mentioned that sore and swollen spot on my throat from the beginning and I genuinely don't understand why you didn't think anything of it.
I hope you never get a job in the medical field again because you're losing your fucking mind.

[MWF]

I have to dance at a fucking wedding? I'd rather shoot myself.
Edit: just looking up "how to dance" makes me wanna fucking barf.

[Calaer]

I don't need your judgment here. I know I'm a good mother, and I know that I'm a good wife. No matter what you say, I know that I'm doing the very best, and I just simply don't need your judgment.

[nothereanymore]

I'm gonna get fired and I haven't even started and every day is a reminder that I fucked up and can't get my shit together.

[Everglow.]

Even if I'm ok, everythings still a genuine struggle. Being awake is a struggle. I just want to sleep all day.

Since being sick I have a weird cough. It's not a full cough but it's like I can't breath and need to cough. Should have asked my doctor about it but forgot.

[nothereanymore]

Real talk if I have a PTA I will sue the urgent care doctor who LOOKED IN MY MOUTH and failed to see it and didn't think to look again when I showed her a picture I took of it.

[Kate*]

At 9:30 AM on Saturdays in December, I am sleeping. Apparently, you are outside yelling and banging. SHUT UP! When are you fucking moving?!

No, I don't believe that blind acceptance of unfair criticism, blame, and blatantly unprofessional and illegal disability discrimination disguised as "feedback" is a valid graduation requirement just because you can get away with it. The fact that I stood up for myself ruined my life. How fucked up is that?!

"You're making a lot of excuses." My "excuses" are LEGITIMATE neurologically-based LIMITATIONS and you fucked with your "notes" and used them to ruin my life, plus I'm pretty sure you're responsible for screwing her over too. Who's the bad guy now bitch?!

I'm all for forgiveness and peace, but if they're never held accountable, they're never going to learn and this kind of shit will just keep happening to people.

I just feel so broken and worried.

[Everglow.]

And we're right back to normal. Things were going so well.
Now I have to try and not be 'frosty' but you can carry on upsetting us.
What a life.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I don't know how much longer I can take it. I was doing so well and now, everything has turned to shit. Maybe I am better off dead.

People are so damn stupid.

[nothereanymore]

Being sick has interrupted my sex life

I want to disappear.

[nothereanymore]

Scared to start work. I'm going to fail.

I woke up very anxious and it's partially due to a dream I had. I am pretty much freaking out right now.

[Calaer]

I swear it's too cold in my house, and I have no idea why it's bothering me, because normally I can't have it cold enough. Dx

[Everglow.]

Feel like I'm the parent to adults who are the same age as me. If I Wasn't I'd never eat, bills and rent would never be paid on time, the house would be a state. It's draining.

[Kate*]

And, we're back... Ironically enough, the first appointment they offered me was first thing tomorrow morning. It was,doable, but less than ideal; and since I'm not in immediate crisis, I thought someone else may need it more. Lack of empathy my ass.

If good things worth fighting for were coming, I'd consider it, but they only get worse from here and I have the ultimate proof that I'm doomed to the worst of the worst outcomes being reserved for only me. My disability isn't a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't fail because I believe I will, I fail because I'm broken and I've learned to expect nothing else.Even when something "never happens", I'll be the unlucky one. I even said in my first days that it wouldn't happen to me and yet, here we are. I fucking quit. I can work my ass off harder than everyone else, or I can save the energy and do nothing, same result. Actually, in this case, I would've been a lot better off if I had never bothered.

Not everyone with this has a good quality or a successful life, that's what people are worried about. If it were genetic, we can't assume our kids who inherit it would be okay! I wouldn't wish what it's put me through on my worst enemy. No need to rub your success in my face.

It's not ASD and there is NO proof that it's genetic. That's one of the ways they differ. One of the things I can't stand about people with this: They all talk like they know everything when they have no clue what they're talking about! I'm officially sorry to anybody I've ever done that to, it's a huge pain in the ass.

[nothereanymore]

"Hey glad you had a good day at work we're all going to dinner without you"
If it's to spend time with her then why is SHE going? Because God forbid your spoiled ass wife never get a free dinner. Fuck you. That was rude to say right as I get in the car.

[MWF]

My eye hurts like crazy...

[nothereanymore]

Stop trying. You're worthless if you don't have a car and still live at home. Guys are always putting up with something with you.

[Moxie.]

I feel like I did when I was at my worst. That scares me.

[Everglow.]

Having a bad night. All I want to do is go to sleep.

It's really hard to cry quietly.

[MyVisionIsDying]

I'm sorry yeah? Because I was so fucking exhausted it slipped my mind. Stop getting fucking pissy and why don't you shut up. Fuck you!

[Everglow.]

Tired of analysing everyones behaviour and noticing patterns that they don't, like the fact that everyone talks to me after talking to other people, and that nobody has as much fun with me as they do with other people.
Like the fact everyone likes someone who isnt me more.

[nothereanymore]

HIS JEEP. IS IN. THE PARKING LOT. SCOTT. OH MY GOD.
I HATE THIS TV SHOW. MAKES ME CRAZY.

And for as long as I've been into it people have made fun of me for getting worked up. Telling me to shut up, chill out, "okay, okay, it'll be all right," like, hey, fuck you, let me live :-)

[Silivina]

Mum~ Stop thinking that I'm depressed because I'M BI! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT, WHICH YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU ACTUALLY PAID ANY ATTENTION TO ME!

Chris~ GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT YOUR ARSE! Just because you got your permit now, does not mean that you think you are big shit, and stop talking to me... LIKE DAMN, I TRUSTED YOU WITH EVERYTHING.

Frank & Alicia~ Realize that if you guys can't get along, YOU SHOULDN'T BE A FUCKING COUPLE, so STOP COMPLAINING AND GET IT OVER WITH... and for christ sake stop dragging me into the middle of your arguments!

Grandmother~ When will you stop criticizing others for being gay? I mean seriously, even if you don't know I'm bi, DOESN'T MEAN YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S LOVE LIVES! OH AND THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TONS OF TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS THAT YOU MAKE FUN OF, THAT'S GOING TO BE ME SO STFU PLEASEEEE. AND YES, I WILL WEAR MY HAIR HOW I WANT, & I WILL WEAR FLIP FLOPS IN PUBLIC IF I WANT.

My dear Aunt Jackie~ Stop telling grandmother fucking lies about me, will ya? Or maybe, realize I'm a human being and NOT YOUR FUCKING BABYSITTER, OR YOUR DOG WALKER. And if I tell you anything about me, don't go squealing like a pig to your asshole husband!

Sorry for the long rant... Slightly pissed off rn
~Silivina