Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Forging Galaxies]

Why do I keep getting suicidal?

Just... I feel like it's best for my family and everyone else if i go away, then I got this other part of me telling me to not give in.

[Everglow.]

crappy day at work and i come home to this.

[hocus pocus]

These anxious thoughts are too intense and I wish they'd go away.

[Mismatched Socks]

What's wrong with me, I should be happy, but I'm not. I keep feeling like something is going to go wrong...it always does.

[Forging Galaxies]

I gotta win, I gotta get stronger. For her... at all costs.

[Kate*]

Yes, I still feel like crap and would appreciate the conversation you told me you would have with me if this happened. I would never want to be the reason you're not with him if you need to be, but I was expecting something I couldn't have and you were the one I knew would be the most help.

I got a job interview, but I stopped expecting employment months ago. Practice and possibly the start of a work history if nothing else. And now typical depression kicks in and I don't want to do this anymore. It's easier not to, but I have to at least try. Goody, 2 illegal interview questions asked in the pre-screening and I answered them and then realized it later, I won't be crushed if I don't get this now and I know to tread softly in the interview tomorrow.

What part of I WANT MY OLD LIFE BACK does the universe not understand?!?! I'll never be completely convinced I can't do it, especially since most people didn't see what the problem was. I don't care if it was a train wreck, I don't care how professional they were(n't) I just want the career I'd been dreaming about, not a job I could've had in high school, I guess not everyone gets a happy ending.

I fucking HATE this feeling and all I want to do is SCREAM and then curl up in the fetal position and never move. WHY can't I shake the feeling that it's not over?! Even God can't change it now; cue the flashbacks. I can't shake the feeling that I'm going back or at least ending up in the profession, but that makes NO sense and it's probably just me remembering stuff.

[Calaer]

I want you to be proud of me! I want you to know that I'm doing all that I can, and that I'm trying my hardest. Why on earth can't you see that?! Just give me room to breathe!

[hocus pocus]

I think you're trying to get me to eat more and I don't like that.

[Forging Galaxies]

I gotta keep it together, I can't afford to become broken inside or I'll lose it all.

[Clarent]

Even my own family lies to me.

Lovely.

Can I trust nobody? And why should I even speak about anything.
Never makes anything better.

[Forging Galaxies]

I'm gonna hate every time I wake up, because I just wish I was dead...

[Forging Galaxies]

Today is just... Arggh! I hate this fucking day and I'm gonna hate tomorrow.

[jamdoughnut]

I hate these judgemental little brats. Ugh they get me so mad. This director is bringing this place down and I hate it.

[Forging Galaxies]

Nearing my end...

[Kate*]

After 10 years of handing out the candy, this year I just don't want to. And yes I know what that means.

This feeling is back and I HATE IT, health psychology feels like a perfect fit, but I think having to be non-clinical would drive me insane, I'd never get in, I can't teach, and the work load would crush me to death. I know I'll never see another client which is probably the real issue here and that is the basis of why I'm so crushed. It just sucks. I could send that to her, but I'm falling asleep as it is and I'm NOT expecting a response at 2AM UGH

I know you're strength-based, we were trained the same way, but here's the thing that NO ONE understands about this rare disorder I'm cursed with: I don't have enough strengths to overcome all the deficits which means we never succeed. At anything. Hence the extremely bleak prognosis and high suicide rate. A faculty of self-proclaimed strength-based MENTAL HEALTH professionals couldn't identify ANY strengths of mine in 3 YEARS. In fact they spent that time doing NOTHING but TEARING ME APART. I already didn't believe I had any strengths, but even if I had, nothing will convince you better than that that you don't have any.

I REALLY hope the ground beef I just ate wasn't part of the massive recall (I doubt it was, but still)

I need HELP and even though my broken neurology is nothing to be ashamed of, I've been told in no uncertain terms for the last 27 years that it is and now this happened and I'm ashamed to tell them what happened. I would react the same way in almost all of it, but the shame is kicking in now.

WHY CAN'T I SLEEP ANYMORE?!?!?!

[Calaer]

I wish I knew how to come out to you!

[Forging Galaxies]

Just a number. That's me, nothing more than a number.

The brain's

exposure to intercepting the events
around us such as feeling, sight, hearing, information is what we perceive in those said so events...
But the brain can overload, the stress of the events depending on its case. It therefore malfunctions, into things such as suicide, developing mental disorders and what's not... Pain becomes unbearable, the brain does... stuff to reduce the effect. Violence, tears, and more uniquely reducing your energy to combat the pain... Any other higher tiers creates suicidal thoughts and intentions.

The brain is a wonderful thing... but it does have its limits. That what happening to me isn't it?

[hocus pocus]

I'm getting so angry about everything.

[MWF]

FUCK YOU SCHOOL!!!! If I can't transfer into my dream school, all my hard work will be for nothing. It likely will be anyway, because my transcript won't show my grades.

[Forging Galaxies]

Well... fuck it. I'm gonna hang around for a little while before I simply cease away. If anything resurfaces as it will most nights and the pain is too much, then I'm gone and buried a little earlier... Already dealing something... that makes me... too crushed.

Whole life is just belted with a bullshit tendency to have shit happen to me and especially to everywhere I see...
I'm not taking anymore chances again, I've endured enough after each chance of trying to live, and I'm powerless for anything anyway. I'm literally powerless due to the shit damage I had on my skull and the spine shit i was born with thanks to my goddamn luck.

Yes I'm weak but I don't care.
Oh and as for those... intruders in my past. Thanks, you made me feel important enough to get through high school and other shit. But you weren't real, weren't you all? It's all just hallucinations and I don't care if my mom sees the stuff around my lower back as scars or some shit. It's something else, it got to be. You're not real... Can't be.

[Chuuya]

It felt good to tell someone the truth, and I can literally pick up the phone right now and call D. I'm so worried about telling my counselor tomorrow. But if I want to be better I need to be honest. I have to do this. But I can't sleep right now and I'm frustrated with myself.

[Kate*]

This random insomnia has got to stop. Tired, but not enough to sleep, plus I swear more bathroom trips with no explanation and maybe an hour of sleep at a time, ugh


I can feel myself giving up. When every profession tells you "it's not a good fit." while society who doesn't understand AT ALL tells you you need to get your shit together and become a productive member of society, what the fuck are you supposed to do??!!!! They think they're the only option you don't have when in reality, they were your only hope and all anyone else can do is judge with no right to do so.

This is a fucking vocational death sentence and I'm so OVER IT!

This is NOT related to here: Nice, approve my post and then delete it for no reason without even telling me! and it's not the first time either Just because I happen to dislike a character doesn't mean I'm bashing the show. This was the only "borderline" (by your standards) post I've made, but it's not the first one that's been deleted. I'm considering leaving if this continues because it's happening for no reason and other worse posts are being left. You can't just delete posts because you can when you disagree with them or because they "bash" the show or the actors. I think you need to look up the definition of "bashing" and stop being so power crazed.

I could go for that if I wanted to now, but I'm not sure I do anymore.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I deserve to suffer.....

[Forging Galaxies]

What's the point?
I might as well just... die. I'm weak and everything is becoming too much, and I feel like I'm slipping into a coma with my head pounding this thing in me because of depression and stress. Ha... I shouldn't even be stressed, yeah... I'm weak.

I need food, but I'm not hungry...there's no point eating shit.

[MWF]

My roommate is a fucking pile of shit.

[jamdoughnut]

Happy birthday, you bastard. I still dont understand why you wont talk to me.

[Kate*]

Tell me this is a nightmare I'm going to wake up from! The fact that I'm not the only one they screwed is reassuring although sad. This is why I believe in Karma, because God only knows how long they've been getting away with this shit and there's nothing I can do about it except lick my wounds and pull my own life back together. Even given my situation, it doesn't make what they did okay and it doesn't explain or excuse what they did to the others.

Between the NEIGHBORS doing fucking yard work at the crack of dawn and the nightmares I haven't gotten decent sleep all weekend. Do you not know that you live near these people called your NEIGHBORS who need this thing called SLEEP, or do you just not care?! At least he's moving, but I'll never get rid of you. I'll take the nightmares over flashbacks any day, but they still suck.

Stop assuming that every unemployed person is unemployed because they're lazy. It's called a DISABILITY for fuck sake. Even if my life hadn't just collapsed because of it, I may never be able to support myself. The next person who blames me will be hit.

[Calaer]

I'm so freaking tired of people walking all over me. I'm a person too you know. I have feelings and I deserved to be respected. After all I do for you and this is how you treat me? I'm not going to stand for it anymore. You either treat me with respect, or you can back the hell out of my life, because I clearly don't need you.

[Forging Galaxies]

Just want things to get better but...
Well screw me, I guess. It's logical of course, I have no value and worth in me... Everyone better than me.

[MWF]

Fuck you, Blair, whoever you are

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

I'll never be good enough.....

[jamdoughnut]

How is it that you can hurt me so much by doing nothing at all? I'd say that I hate you, but you did nothing, your not really to blame. The only thing is that you keep thinking about me, I know you do I had that dream that was so much more than just a dream. Your thinking about me but your too much of a coward to actually talk to me. And that's what's killing me the most. Please, I'm begging you, just talk to me. Don't you know it's impossible to forget about you, especially when I'm forced to see you everyday? I don't want to forget anyway. I don't want to forget and I don't want to lose you. Please, just talk to me

[Calaer]

My acid reflux is so freaking bad tonight I can't sleep. I've been walking around the house for the past hour. Every time I lay down, stomach acid comes out my nose. Talk about painful.

[Forging Galaxies]

I am pathetic, that much is correct...
Perhaps it's best I'll stop being a problem for everyone... I really want to do that, but something is telling me not to.

What am I doing alive?

[Everglow.]

Its nice that I can be insulted, and do something petty in retaliation and yet YOU can storm out and make me feel guilty for it. Thanks for the chocolate though, really helps my self esteem. Great big head but at least I have a chocolate bear.

[MWF]

Am I the only one who realizes that the only Republican presidential candidate who doesn't suck is Kasich? Jesus...

[Everglow.]

My hamster is probably going to die tonight. I don't understand why. She's sleeping and won't wake up. She was fine before. I don't get it. Feeling pretty fucking upset right now.

[Everglow.]

She died...

[Kate*]

We suddenly have a new cable channel, but even the staff at the company can't figure out why. She says to relax and enjoy it, but my stupid anxiety is concerned that we may have accidentally added it and will be charged when we can't afford it. I'll be mad if we lose it again, the content looks awesome.

The fact that I'm only tempted to contact you late at night is why that boundary exists. The fact that I'm involuntarily imagining a meeting with you to the point that I can see it makes no sense.

I guess I'm just never allowed to sleep again.

For God's sake turn off your fucking alarm! It's the weekend, you're retired, and it works better on me than you. And NO, the snooze button is NOT off.

I'd like to believe that if placed in front of you again, I could treat you better than you treated me, but I don't think I'm that big a person. I'd just want to give you a taste of your own medicine that you don't think you deserve so it probably wouldn't teach you anything. I hope you learn something somewhere.

[MyVisionIsDying]

How many more lives have to be lost until the world knows it's fucking chaotic?