Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[Kate*]

No fucking shit Sherlock. I'm disabled and mentally ill, not a fucking idiot and unless you live with this same disorder, and I know you don't, then you have NO right to judge me! You don't think I've tried that?! You have NO IDEA what this has done to me, this is the kind of shit that people don't recover from and "tough love" doesn't work so you can shut up now. You have NO IDEA how hard it is to live with this and until you do you need to back the fuck off of me and telling me the obvious like you know everything. You've clearly never had a disability or a mental illness. When you have both and they destroy your life, then you may have a right to tell me what to do. I LOVE when people who have no idea what they're talking about state the obvious like you haven't tried it and then blame you for the place that you're in even if you did nothing to cause it. I'm good at almost nothing and I'm giving up.

When the job application gives you technical difficulties after you try fixing the problem 5 times in 2 different browsers, it's a sign. I eventually gave up.

Ok, so you ARE capable of talking to me without driving me even closer to suicide; I wonder how long it will last this time. And thanks for the guilt trip! If you don't know what you do/did it's because you don't listen. I've lost count of the number of times I've tried to tell you. You're right, there's nothing anybody can do which is part of the reason this is so bad. Even the people who offer help are at a loss.

I won't get the job I didn't really want, oh darn.

I HATE this, it's exactly what I was trying to avoid, only worse. I need a way out that's not coming. How strong do you think I am?!?!

It would've happened anyway; it's nobody's fault, but that doesn't change anything. I just wish I knew what to do now. I REALLY need this feeling to go away now.

Why is it that I desperately want careers in areas that are impossible for me?! Stupid ASD I can't do this.

Opportunity knocking. I'm going to take it.

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

No one cares about me.....
No has and no one will ever will.....

[.:PrincessZelda:.]

Should just disappear......

[jamdoughnut]

You screwed up. Bigtime. So you know what? Why don't you get the hell out of my life? I really wouldn't mind it if I never saw you again. Again, You screwed up. There's no fixing this.

Not that you wanted to anyway...
And I get it, I know that you don't care, I just dream of the days when you did, or the days that you will.
So pathetic. I still need you around but i don't want you and you don't want me around either, so I don't know what to do. I'm left with all the pain and your perfectly fine and happy and over it all, like it never happened.
Fuck my life...

[jamdoughnut]

Kill me PLEEEEAAASE

[Haunted]

#1: You used to help me like no other and listen to me but then as soon as we stopped seeing each other every day anymore, you stopped talking to me? Don't tell me you didn't have time to even text me once, because you were on holiday, and I know you had to study for university, but don't come up to me with an excuse like "I had no time", because I don't buy it.

#2: I understand you were away, that you were with your boyfriend and that you had to study, but you didn't even bother telling me about your exams, as if I didn't give a shit about you. I saw you online all the time. I wished you good luck for the exams and if I hadn't asked you how you were doing, you wouldn't have asked.

#3: you simply stopped talking to me, and caring. You used to make me feel so comfortable and calm, but now you don't care anymore and you forgot about my existence.

all of you might as well delete my number, because I'm honestly thinking of never speaking to any of you ever again.

[Kate*]

Other people with more severe conditions can do it, WHY CAN'T I?!?! I know I'm not the first to lose it over this and I know it was a train wreck, and that that program may or may not have had issues besides me, but other people can do it and I know life's not fair, but COME ON! It's been almost a year and people are telling me to move on, I get it, but until I know what I'm doing instead, I can't

Just when I start to think I might be able to breathe again, the flashbacks return. I can accept that it wasn't working, but the thought of never going near people again is crushing, the way I was treated and it was handled has reinforced old scars and created new ones, the debt will be with me forever, the lack of employability is adding to everything, and the reason for all of this gets worse and never goes away. There really is no way out; I might actually have to do it.

If all I want to do is help people, and my disability makes it impossible, then there's no point in having any more dreams because they'll just get ripped away from me like all the others have.

You know what I'm capable of, if that's not the way for me to do it then you need to show me what is, I feel like I'm going crazy here.

[Forging Galaxies]

I'm just a nobody, not worth the expenses and the time of other people... *sighs*

[Kintsukuroi.]

430 am and I still can't sleep. Gah. :/

[Calaer]

I hate feeling so stuck all the time. I just wish there was a chance for me to break loose from this confining anxiety provoking situation.

[Everglow.]

What a crappy day. Just love arguments.

[Forging Galaxies]

What the fuck?!! Why can't I just fucking write? Why am I so depressed and shit?

START WRITING BITCH! KEEP YOUR ASS DOWN AND START WRITING!!!

[Gwynbleidd]

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck, got no money, got no food, dont have the resources i need, thank god itsthe fucking weekend so i can do some shit and be free from that hellhole. Nobody notices me or cares, fuckity fuck de fuck fuck fuck. They cant pick up hints or are too kind to do anything, just say something for fucks sake. You talk to me through out middle school and I help you from exploding from stress and now you disown me, im not your fucking rag. Then I lend a very expensive knife and they break the knife, now i got to fucking buy a new one. Couldnt just tell me had to let me figure out a few hours later, and didnt know about fucking registration. Fuck being kind, gets you scammed hurt or worse. Fucking hate humanity sometimes.

[naynay1500]

:b leh:

[Calaer]

I wish Jordan didn't have to work all the time. I really would like his help here, and I've been so stressed lately that I could use the support.

[Kate*]

I don't like you anymore. You're a scientist until it conflicts with your conservative religious views. We have proof that you're wrong and 68% of the country you want to run disagrees with you so good luck getting elected.

I just need to know that it would've happened anyway, that it really was nothing I did, and that something better will happen for me since I can never have that. Too bad no one can tell me.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS, any of it

[Everglow.]

I'm so done with today. I just want to cry myself to sleep in an empty house where nobody can hear me.

[Kate*]

This is absolutely INSANE and as much as I like you, changing doctors might be a blessing in disguise. We were willing to self-pay, but after this whole mess we're rethinking it. As long as she's not dropping my insurance too, it might just be easier. Even if I got a job and had new insurance the entire staff is different and I'm kind of sick of dealing with you.

I'll admit it was a stretch, but not much of one. Everyone could tell that you treated me COMPLETELY differently even before all of that happened; then you ducked, dodged, and denied everything while "documenting" twisted versions of things I said and then forcing me out with some of the LEAST professional behavior I've ever seen. So, no I don't regret standing up to you one bit! I'd do it again, especially since I wasn't the only one you screwed over, knew you were wrong, or agreed that the profession as a whole is falling apart because of behavior like yours. Apparently most professionals in the field act like that. I would like my life back though. I hope you learned something from my case and made changes, but I know better than that. I'd also like to believe you'll honor your word of help and give recommendations if asked like I was originally told. However, my guess is that you won't and not just for obvious reasons.

WHY do my teeth feel like this. I swear they're loosening and I'm afraid they're going to eventually fall out.

As long as we're all looking for the ONE solution that doesn't exist, and passing blame for fixing the one cause off to everyone else, NOTHING is going to get fixed. No wonder this shit keeps happening and this country is a mess.

I think part of me will always want that. I want it to go away since it will never happen, but I don't want to let go of it; I invested so much in so many ways and I'm the only one with nothing to show for it; except the debt I'll be carrying for the rest of my life.

Another Saturday starting off badly. There WILL come a day I can't do it anymore. This BROKE me. I grew up dealing with FAR more than my fair share of shit, especially from authority figures, but this was my last straw and I am fucking DONE!

[hocus pocus]

Math makes me want to cut. It's that frustrating.

[jamdoughnut]

I fucking hate ib. HATE IT

[jamdoughnut]

Why do you always bother me? How is that even possible, that you can get under my skin without saying or doing a thing? I'm worried about you, and I care about you, but you don't, so why do I even bother? It's hopeless, I know. I'll never get to see the guy I once knew ever again.

[Ral.]

I'm such a fucking joke. You're such a fucking joke. Maybe I should just give up.

[Kate*]

Just like I'm always the one who ends up screwed, that all the bad shit happens to, even when I don't cause it or deserve it; my life will never work out and no matter what I want, how badly I want it, or how hard I'm willing to work at it, nothing will ever work out for me. I'm done.

Clearly, effort doesn't matter. I can work my ass off or I can do nothing. Same result either way. Remind me why I'm still here!

[Astrophile.]

Wow fuck you.

[MWF]

WHY IS EVERYBODY I ENCOUNTER IN LIFE AN INCOMPETENT, SELFISH FOOL?!?!

[Storyteller.]

This is actually the worst time for the headphone jack on my computer to malfunction.

[Kate*]

I think I figured out what you're doing. Abuse of training and misuse of the ethics code. You treat us like crap and do borderline illegal things then use your training to make us okay with it and the ethics code as your excuse. It's intended to protect clients, not to cover your ass while and when you jerk people around and then force them out without good reason. And everyone knows it stands in court so we have no recourse and there's no ethics violation for misusing the code. If it were just me, I wouldn't believe it, but since it's not this makes perfect sense. You may only allow people who either already think like you or are willing to conform, which would explain why the whole profession acts like that and gets away with it by saying that it's just the way things are without acknowlege that they have complete power to change it.

Why is it that Facebook somehow reduces a world full of grown adults to the maturity level of a bunch of 2 year-olds? For fuck sake, GROW UP!!! You're embarrassing yourselves.

And when you can't figure out how to make it work, you quit. I HAVE to STOP trusting people, I only end up disappointed.

I'm done having dreams or wanting things. There's no point setting my heart and spending years wanting a bunch of shit I can never have. I'm at the point where I kill myself and no one cares. If this is as god as it's ever getting there's really no point in fighting it anymore.

[Calaer]

I wish I knew what to do. I get so heartbroken and stuck. I'm trying to reach out to you, but I have no idea where you are, or where you are going. Just come back and let me help you. We can do this together.

[Kate*]

I would love to know how and why social media reduces the maturity levels of full grown adults to those of toddlers with adult language.

THIS BROKE ME and you'll never even know. I don't know why I'm tempted to contact you. There's nothing you can do and I'm the last thing you need.

I don't know why I'm still sick from that, its been over 12 hours.

Maybe you should just take a break from it. If what you've been through doesn't scare you off, I don't know what would.

I love forgetting whether or not I did my eye drops. It doesn't happen very often, but it sucks. One dose won't kill me and I think I did, I don't want to take it just in case I did. I'm doing it anyway because I'm pretty sure I didn't. One dose either way won't kill me.

There are 2 things I will never apologize for: expecting to be treated like a human being, and standing up for myself if I feel like someone is being unfair. I have ONE regret in 3 years and none of those times were it.

[Mrs.Butterfly]

Why can't making appointments be easy anymore. So damn frustrated. I just want this to be simple.

[geez]

I trusted him. He was my best friend. And I wasted 6 months of my life on that prick. He lied to me since day one, stalked me, put me through hell and back, caused me AND MY CLOSEST FRIEND SO MUCH PAIN. She had to go to therapy because of him, and I called him my friend. He lied about being suicidal, he lied about self harm, HE FAKED HIS OWN DEATH. He made up these "friends" and then had them commit suicide, he pretended to be them, making fake emails and kiks so he could text us. He's a psychopath, I developed so many problems because of him, he messed my closest friend up. And now he wants me to forgive him and be his friend again? It's sick.

[Forging Galaxies]

I feel like utter shit...

[Forging Galaxies]

I am so fucking tired and severely ill.
Also, fucking wet from the rain.

[jamdoughnut]

I really hate you right now. Your such a coward its unbelievable. I want you out of my life but that's not happening any time soon, so I guess I'm stuck with you until graduation. You have till then to apologize or to at least make this right. I just hope your not too much of a coward to even do that, to man up and actually do something for once.
I'm really disappointed in you...

[obelus]

Not really a scream, but more of a whispering whimper. I want this to end.

[Calaer]

I wish Jordan would have gotten a day off once and a while.

[Kate*]

Addiction is not a fucking choice, but I see that stigma comes from people like you. Not knowing is one thing, being ignorant and getting into a debate after someone DIED because of actions driven by the disease is incredibly immature. Good job full-grown adults. He was someone's SON for fuck sake, how would you feel if someone did this to your child?! Oh, that's right, your kids would be perfect just like you are and would sure as hell never use drugs. It could happen to anyone, but you're not worth the energy it would take for me to tell you that. Mike, I'm sorry that things went the way they did and I can't believe what people are saying about you. I didn't even know you, but I know better.

I love when I tell people what happened and they assume I'm upset because I don't understand why they did it and jump to their defense with "don't you understand why...?". For the record, I totally get it; if they hadn't done it, I would've walked away, but it's AMAZING how little that actually matters. I think there will always be a part of me that wants to do it and I feel like the fact that I got so close will always haunt me, even in 50 years when the debt is gone. Add to that the fact that I know that I could almost do it, and this will never go away. And STOP complaining to me about a shortage of professionals. You're the reason I can't be one and it's just proof that the job outlook for that is AMAZING.

I HATE this feeling, I want my life back, I want to be normal, and I want his help to fix it. I can't have any of that and this pain is becoming too much.

[MyVisionIsDying]

Why am I always treated like a lost cause by everything that's supposed to help me in someway in life?
It just feels like I'm worth nothing in this world.
All I want is for things to look up in my life and stay that way, it's a simple enoug request right?
But apparently it's fucking difficult because hell, I am a lost cause. I am nothing.

[Chuuya]

Now I remember why I didn't have any friends in this hell hole of a town. Screw you. Why did you have to go and get my hopes up. Seriously. You're an ass.