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Why Me? Here is a safe space to let it all out, where you can rant about all the bad things life throws your way. Sometimes it just helps to ask "why me?"

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  (#2681 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 5th 2015, 10:39 AM

I can't sleep at all.


If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first


The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
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  (#2682 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 5th 2015, 11:01 AM

I hate how tired I am all the time! I wish I could sleep! This is super annoying and ruins the entire day! I'm always so sluggish. Bleh!


"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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Re: Screaming thread. - September 6th 2015, 12:47 AM

I need to become less of a coward, I need to stand up to stop the people I care about getting hurt by those... monstrous fucks!
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 6th 2015, 01:25 AM

FAT. FAT. FAT. FAT. FAT.

Need to lose weight. Need to stop eating. Need to stop bingeing.




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Re: Screaming thread. - September 6th 2015, 02:13 AM

I hate how restless I've been. It sucks so badly.


"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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Re: Screaming thread. - September 6th 2015, 07:34 PM

What's the point of trying? I'm tired of fighting my battles alone...
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  (#2687 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 6th 2015, 10:28 PM

Im so fucking tired of it always leading to this. Ive spent countless nights staying up worried sick about you, bawling my eyes out, trying to help you, and you can barely even give me a hello when Im feeling lonely. I hate this, I hate this, I fucking hate this.
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  (#2688 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 6th 2015, 10:45 PM

I can't forgive you and I can't say good bye. Guess I'll just sit here and let you make it easy for yourself like always. Sick of being treated like shit just because you have difficulties handling this. Leave me alone.


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  (#2689 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 6th 2015, 10:55 PM

This not only destroyed me, it also (ironically) hardened my heart. They claimed I lacked empathy and while it's not true, I definitely don't have the patience I used to. If I can be treated like that by them, I can be harsher with people than I am because if they can pretend to care, I can really care with tough love. I get it, but the world operates on the "no excuses" rule so sometimes you have to push through because they don't care about you.


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Re: Screaming thread. - September 7th 2015, 05:18 AM

I'm so lonely tonight. I'm almost always lonely. I didn't have to be alone tonight. I could have stayed and watched him sleep. I should have stayed. I was putting off the inevitable. Need more. This isn't doing it.
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  (#2691 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 7th 2015, 03:45 PM

Something wrong, I feel scared and too nervous about something but what is it? What am I scared of? God I'm just a fucking mess.
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 7th 2015, 08:03 PM

failing life...
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  (#2693 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 8th 2015, 08:25 AM

Lack of phone service is one of the most aggravating things about living in the middle of nowhere. It annoys me to no end.


If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first


The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
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  (#2694 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 8th 2015, 12:44 PM

I fucking hate you ignorant, judgemental insensitive bitches. All you do is stand there and judge people and make fun of people as you walk by. Seriously what the hell is wrong with you? Will you shut the hell up?!?


I know you are looking for a sea that lies beyond your reach
But im hoping my heart can stop you before you reach the beach
I know you have places to go
I know that you want the sea
But im hoping my heart will grow and that you'll
come back to me.....
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 8th 2015, 08:57 PM

Shit..............
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  (#2696 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 9th 2015, 01:59 AM

Comment on Facebook from my uncle who lives out of state to my mom on a post from my aunt (who everyone attacks about everything for no reason) that had NOTHING to do with any of this

"Do you ever go over with food or cook for her? No I think not Your comments are uncalled for.. If u could check my phone records u would know how long we talk...and if you checked on mom you would have know she was on the floor for 16 hrs....oh and by he way your the one with the the key....all I ask is to be called when something happens I don't need to not hearr your crap..."

My mom's response

"Do you have any idea what I do for her? I think not. I don't want to hear your crap, either."

My response that I'm too immature not to curse in, but mature enough not to post in a PUBLIC FORUM:

She's been there twice a week for 18 years, now it's 10 hours a week. She fell AFTER mom left and couldn't get to the phone and once she did, it took everyone else HOURS to call her. You have no FUCKING idea what or how much we do for her. You lived blocks away for DECADES where the hell were you?! She barely saw you and we never did. You can't run away to another state and then complain that no one tells you anything! The trash took itself out when you stopped speaking to us and left. It's not worth my energy to attack you, but it is when you attack MY MOTHER on a public forum especially when you have NO FUCKING IDEA what we're doing for her or dealing with.

This is the second time drama has spilled over to Facebook only this time I'm mature enough to stay out of it. Though I might message my aunt since everyone comes after her about everything for no reason whatsoever!


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Re: Screaming thread. - September 9th 2015, 04:07 PM

I'm not strong enough to combat this state of depression, damn it! I fucking fooled myself!
Here I was thinking I could... *sighs* I'm just a coward.
What's stopping me from really helping people? Am I really scared of the dangerous situations I was willing to get myself into or am I scared of discovering my strengths?
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  (#2698 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 10th 2015, 04:28 AM

Am I pissed off? Hell yeah I'm pissed off!
Why? Because somehow I can't access certain websites due to the wifi being shitty.
How so? I don't know but Plusnet is beginning to fuck me off.

I'm going to make myself feel better by watching both reboot Star Trek films and charge my phone before browsing Tumblr. Yay for late nights!




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  (#2699 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 10th 2015, 12:42 PM

Yay for no sleep.
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 10th 2015, 11:58 PM

I'm drawn to that, it sounds absolutely perfect for me, but as I suspected, NO jobs in the entire state so much for that.


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Re: Screaming thread. - September 11th 2015, 12:10 AM

I won the count to 50 game and got flagged for spam! Goddammit!!!
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 11th 2015, 02:09 AM

1) I wasn't meant to live, I'm just stubborn aren't I?
I had too many... events that I should of died in. How am I alive? Why am I here? Just to watch and suffer?


2) I miss her... my teal colored-eyes, beautiful girl.

3) Nightmares... why do I prefer them over living this life?
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 11th 2015, 03:03 AM

A less rational person would smash my HR office with a baseball bat.
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 11th 2015, 03:05 AM

What a mess ive made of my self....
no ones going to want to clean this mess up. Nobody cares about me that much.
how is god ever going to make something beautiful out of me?
i want so desperatly to go home, but that would be taking the easy way out. He believes that im strong enough...but im not. I dont have any strength left. My god give me strength. I cant do this on my own, i cant do this if i dont have anyone to catch me when i fall. My god...i cant find you...


I know you are looking for a sea that lies beyond your reach
But im hoping my heart can stop you before you reach the beach
I know you have places to go
I know that you want the sea
But im hoping my heart will grow and that you'll
come back to me.....
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 11th 2015, 05:32 PM

Must resist the food craving...

Must resist the food craving...

Must resist the food craving...

Must resist the food craving...

Must resist the food craving...

Must resist the food craving...
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 12th 2015, 05:46 PM

Why are Saturdays always so bad?! It's not like they're different than any other day. I don't get it.

I don't know why I'm having this feeling, but since that's impossible now, I wish it would go away. Be careful what you wish for, remember what you had before.

And we're back to feeling like crap, yay!

I know you probably think I'm dramatizing everything for attention or to freak you out, but I swear to God I'm not. I'm done. Brain damage ruined my life and as much as I want to believe there's a God who's going to fix this: Some days I just can't.

You kept telling me you cared, and I believed you, but even when I was there I was treated so differently from everyone else that now I know you lied. If you cared it was only because it was your job and now its not. I have to keep reminding myself that you probably never did and overcome the urges to contact you because I know you didn't mean them. I'm sure you've forgotten about me by now and will never know the damage this has really done.


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Re: Screaming thread. - September 12th 2015, 10:43 PM

It'll all be over soon, just let this pass. You'll be okay.

Just wish I believed that..


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Re: Screaming thread. - September 12th 2015, 11:10 PM

Damn door knob is broken and I cannot leave the house through the front door. I will no doubt take the blame for this
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 13th 2015, 02:09 AM

So sorry I don't scream at the top of my lungs when repeating the words like a dutiful like drone. So sorry I'm a quiet person. So sorry I haven't quite figured out how to speak loud enough at a 'normal speaking volume'. So sorry i don't speak loud enough to be heard from across the room over seventeen other people talking. Guess that means i'm lazy. Guess that means i don't participate. Guess that means just because i speak the words quietly i don't say them at all.
Thank you so much teacher for making me angry enough to draw blood. Seriously. Thanks a lot.
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 13th 2015, 06:49 AM

I wish you would just tell the truth!


"One day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful." ~Sigmund Freud

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Re: Screaming thread. - September 13th 2015, 11:23 AM

I feel like crap. Now my eye is puffy and itchy. Everything itches. Feel fat and pathetic. I am trying to look after myself. Why is it so hard?


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Re: Screaming thread. - September 13th 2015, 11:29 PM

So that's what it come to then?
I'm just a disappointment to everyone, even my own mum and there's really no sense for me to hang around on this life.

Truly, I fought for nothing...
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 14th 2015, 04:35 AM

I'm tired of being fucking alone......
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 14th 2015, 05:17 PM

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Re: Screaming thread. - September 16th 2015, 06:10 PM

It's been said that life/God knows what it's/he's doing and sometimes our worst nightmare ends up being the best thing that ever happens. Part of me believes this and part of me isn't sure it applies to an extremely rare disability with the worst outcomes possible and nothing but horror stories. I want to believe I'll get lucky, but I already have the worst story out there.

I have no idea what the fuck you're doing, but I was trying to sleep. I can't even see what it is.

How do I know? Because I do, I thought I blocked you so I don't know how I can even see that. Some people get screwed for no reason and some people's lives NEVER work out. Looks like I'm going to be one of them.

I have to get you out of my head. It's not like you think about me that much, or care like you said you did, or even remember me. At least I made you take a good look at what you do, please at least learn from me if nothing else. As much as I want to believe you'd help, I don't want to risk contacting you and burning the bridge. You even told me if this happened there would be nothing you could do. I want to beieve you aren't like them, but I don't know anymore. You offered help, I'd like to believe that you'd give it if you were able to and you can't which would be different than you won't.


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Re: Screaming thread - September 17th 2015, 10:52 AM

It's 2:40 and I'm still wound as heck and not tired in the slighest but I need to be up in less than two hours. This whole not being tired enough to fall asleep until 3:30ish and waking up at five is not working very well at all. Gah.
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 18th 2015, 07:59 PM

Seriously fuck off, I'm close to unfriending you. I'm not some "pussy" in which you mean I'm a coward just because I haven't have a girlfriend in nearly a decade. I found someone I love so much so fuck off with your judgments. Also you want me to "man up" by fucking random girls? I'm not that kinda person who sees girls as fucking scores you piece of shit, I thought you were better than this.
Oh and by manning up, you have to truly care about good, innocent girls and even guys. Because that's what best to make society truly great, not by becoming a player, your fucking logic sucks man... you dumb shit. No fucking wonder most guys in this world don't have morales...
Oh and no wonder why you haven't got a girlfriend too and any girl you been with probs dumped you because you're a dumb fat bastard...
Don't mind me, just because I haven't told you about that someone I love doesn't mean you get to fucking think I'm some coward. I want to be with the one where I truly love her, and I found her and I wanna be with her. Idk why the fuck I'm ranting about this... it's not like you'll ever know.

So act like a man and not some... pathetic piece of shit you Geordie accent bastard who calls me some "posh twat" sometimes. Yeah fuck you too pal.
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 18th 2015, 11:00 PM

Im tired...
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 19th 2015, 06:40 AM

Just feel like crying but don't know why.


If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first


The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
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Re: Screaming thread. - September 19th 2015, 09:39 AM

I finally finished my transfer application essays!!
...Some screaming is good screaming.
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